What Should I Do (JW that Mentions Birthday)?

Free Eagle

I have become somewhat friendly with a JW lady (I am also a woman and have gotten to know her over the past four years). I am unsure of her status in the religion. I am not a JW but have educated myself regarding JW customs, etc.... In conversation we found we were born in the same month, and she told me when her birthday was. She brought it up again a few weeks ago, and we spoke of things we do on birthdays. She also mentioned to me a few days ago that she had her fingernails colored a particular color because she thought the color is a nice holiday color. I do not know what to make of this (as I am unaware of her status). Seems strange.... I talk to her as I would anybody else. She has also began to talk to me about her personal life. This woman is a very much to herself type of person.

I am not sure how to take her, given JW's do not recognize birthdays or holidays, and do not usually discuss their personal secrets with worldly people.

Does anybody know why she may be talking this way to me? I know it is hard because you do not know either of us - I am looking for some outside perspectives.

Xena

She might be living a double life...JW when she is with them and (excuse the term) "worldly" when she is with you. It is great she feels comfortable enough with you to be open...I would encourage her in this...who knows maybe she will eventually decided to give up the JW side of her life forever! And believe me that would be a GOOD thing!!

TheRecordCollector

I agree with Xena.

Free Eagle

Yes, interesting you both mentioned the "double life". The thought of the possiblity that she might be doing so has crossed my mind. This lady knows I know she is "some what affiliated with the JW's" because one Sunday a couple years ago, I had stopped my vehicle to let her and her children cross the street in front of me to get to their car. She and the children were leaving the local KH. That day she looked at the ground when she passed in front of me. It was as if she was "ashamed or very uncomfortable" that I saw her leaving the KH. I had heard some rumors before that she did not observe holidays, and some people were wondering "what the heck type of religion was that?" Nobody knew she was a JW. I was wondering also, because I had no idea about JW customs - only that they were the people who came to your door and tried to convert you. Well, out of curiosity I did research and was shocked by the outcome!

I never brought up her religion to her (I consider religion a very personal matter). I do not think she knows how much I really know about the JW's. I think she may suspect I know about holidays and birthdays, because eventhough I have talked with her about both, it was only recently. And I let her bring it up first - I did not. In talking we find we have much in common (not religion though, we do not mention it). She does know that I am a very inquisitive/analytical person by nature, will ask much questions and will research the answers to questions (I am not good JW material - I think I would be considered "trouble). I also do not think this woman would try to convert me. Some professional dealings I have had with her on other matters have led me to believe she would not (for awhile I was wondering if she would ever try - I now know she would not). Part of my inquisitive nature wanted to ask her when she brought up her birthday and holidays, "why are we talking about these two subjects, it is my understanding JW's do not recognize either one?" But I refrained, maybe some other time one day.

Yes, Xena, it would be nice if she would give up the JW side; I would be very happy for her. I would not ever try to sway her; just be a friend, if she will allow me.

Xena

She is lucky to have a friend like you Free!

Mum

Just the fact that this woman is friendly with you makes her a marginal JW. As you may know, JW's are not supposed to have friends outside the organization. I have known a few JW women who converted because they married JW men. Could this be the case with your friend?

At any rate, I'm glad she has at least one venue where she can express herself freely. You might ask her if she likes to get birthday presents or some generically phrased question like that. It would be interesting to find out her response.

It would have been wonderful to have a friend like you when I was a JW. Bless you.

Regards,
Mum

Seize the day, and put the least possible trust in tomorrow. - Horace

I have learned to live each day as it comes and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. - Dorothy Dix

Free Eagle

Yes, she must be marginal for sure. From what I have learned, it is another "big no-no" for a JW to be friendly with a "worldly person" such as myself (especially when you discuss personal things). That is a possibility also about the husband being a JW...... I often wondered if he was - he also could be a "worldly" type of guy also. But that is also a not-so-good thing also for a JW to be in that type of situation. It is not very favorably looked upon, so I understand. Maybe she is not baptized either. What a mystery..... Really tough for me because all of this makes me want to ask her. But, I know there are some things you just don't ask about (like asking a woman how much she weighs, etc.) However, if the right situation came up, I would ask.

The other interesting thing is her children are all heavily involved with school sports/activities. I thought JW's were not supposed to be "part" of those type of activities. Which has really increased my curiousity also. She does not seem to fit the "mold" of serious JW's that I have read about. However, some of her personality traits do (looking very unhappy/miserable, never smiling/laughing, not speaking to people often, sometimes seeming to be in a trance walking past you as if you were not there, if someone did speak to her barely answering them, etc......). She also used to be that way with me, but over a long period of time - things changed. I can get her laughing and smiling - don't know why (I am a serious type person but can be carefree and high spirited at times). And maybe the change occurred because I would greet her anyhow; eventhough she would "be in one of those moods". Did not care one way or the other how she reacted as I am very independent; which she now knows.

My birthday is coming up in a while (she knows when it is). I am curious to see if she will mention anything to me. If she does I will then use that opportunity to casually mention receiving of gifts, etc.

Maybe she is "drifting away".... The mystery.

BobsGirl

It seems as if you are a genuinely interested and concerned friend. I wonder if she knows that. You could play "dumb" and invite her out for a drink to celebrate your mutual upcoming birthdays. If she accepts .... tell her about this site! If she declines .. it will at least open the door for discussion.

She is lucky to have a supportive friend ... and if she is drifting away ... she will need all the support that she can find.

BobsGirl

"May the work of your hands be a sign of gratitude and reverence to the human condition." - Mahatma Gandhi

Eyebrow

I would just out and out ask her. Say, hey I thougnt JWs dont celebrate birthdays and holidays. Are you not a hard core witness or what?

kat

i am a jw and i have friends that are "worldly" i have no thought in my mind what religon i want to be a part of, but sometimes when you are around people, and are a people person like i am, you cant help but develop friendships...... if you are truly a friend you wont push her to do anything she does not want to do (if she knows what she wants or not.) to be a real friend you must be respecfull, mine are and we all get along verry well!!!! if you want to know something - just ask her, if she truly sees you as a friend she wont be shy..

What Should I Do (JW that Mentions Birthday)?

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