What Should I Do (JW that Mentions Birthday)?

by Free Eagle 17 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Free Eagle

  Hello Kat. No, I would never try to push her into any type of situation - that is not fair. I believe in "to each their own" - as long as a person is not being mean or cruel to others. I respect other's feelings and beliefs, and I expect the same for my own. The lady I know is not a people person, but it seems as if she is trying. Sometimes she is more outgoing, other times she is more withdrawn. I do not think she knows how to be a people person.

  It does not bother me that she is a JW (well as long as she does not think I am an evil, "doomed" person - that I would not like). She could be praying to tree stumps for that matter, the type of religion a person is in is of no consequence to me.

  It will be very interesting now that Thanksgiving is approaching, and will be interesting to see her reactions. Last year, she told me to have a nice holiday. I just told her to have a good day (I felt I could not wish her a happy holiday, when it appeared she did not celebrate Thanksgiving - I was trying not to put her on the spot.) But she did tell me what her family did do that day - eventhough she did not go into detail, I knew it was not eating turkey.

  In conversation yesterday, two ladies I know wished me a happy Thanksgiving, and I returned the greeting. The JW lady was in the same room. She did not say anything, and I did not wish her a holiday. Then we started to talk again - she asked me about a day off I was taking. I told her that I always took the same day off each year because we celebrated Thanksgiving dinner at my house. I did not ask her what she was doing on "T" day. If she offers me any information this year, I may ask her a question or so (tactfully, I hope) - I do not want to "scare her away."
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  Free Eagle

  Well, the lady I know asked me the day after Thanksgiving, how my Tksgiving went. I told her all my activities. She then proceeded to tell me her activities - that she had relatives over, and that they had Chinese food rather than turkey (she said she did not like turkey). So I was in total surprise (I tried not to look at her as if she had two heads), she brought up the subject and offered the information, I let her talk.

  You do not know how badly I wanted to say, "I thought JW's did not observe holidays". - but I did not - as I said before I do not know her status or what's up with her. The husband could be a non-JW - who knows.......

  I'm questioning the motive behind her conversation I am unsure if by her saying they had Chinese food rather than turkey that was OK because it was not a traditional Thanksgiving food like us worldly people have; or she could really not like turkey - but by mentioning her family did something on Tksgiving Day, she would appear like everybody else - a double life? Or she is a very lax JW..... The odd part of the whole thing was her initiating the conversation.

  Anybody have any opinions? I would be glad to see them.
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  NameWithheld

  Oh, maybe Jehovah won't kill us since we ate Chinese instead of turkey, so we weren't really celebrating Thankgiving ...

  Nah, it seems Turky day is probably the most 'lax' holiday for JWs, (since they can't really pinpoint the 'pagan' aspect of it perhaps?). Lot's of JWs use T'day just like us pagan 'worldy' people, to gather with family, eat lot's of Turkey and watch football. Of course, they'd never decorate w/ Pumkins, etc since that would be 'celebrating' it ... pretty warped huh? JWs have the marvolous gift of being able to justify most anything they really want to. They usually say something like, "well, we're just taking advantage of the 'wordly' holidays time off to gather with family".
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  JBean

  I think that your friend is just aching to tell you about how she feels and how she may be having doubts about her faith, but is too shy or doesn't know how to broach the subject. I would definitely go with the idea to invite her out for a birthday cocktail! She may say no... that she's too busy... or she may tell you that she basically doesn't celebrate. Or, she may go and have a great time. I know with me that the changes in thought and actions came very slowly. I've been told by my friends (non-JW by the way!) that I'm the most festive JW "non-celebrator" they know! HA! I would stick with this and help her in her journey.
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  SixofNine

  Free Eagle, you seem like a nice enough person, but I gotta say this: Your treatment of this whole situation is unbelievably silly.

  Ask the freakin' woman any question you freakin' want to, sheesh!!!! You haven't provide any of us enough information for any of us to help you in the slightest, and the crazy thing is, you don't have any information. I can think of a million scenarios that make sense as to this womans thoughts and feelings, any one of which could be true for the amount of information you have provided about her religious thoughts.

  If you can't even ask "hey, what do you think about God?" or, "so, you're a Jehovah's Witness?", you don't have much of a friendship going, and at this rate, asking strangers about her, your aren't going to ever have much of a friendship.

  Sorry to be short with you, but this is juvinile.
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  Free Eagle

  Six of Nine,

  Yes, I agree it is difficult for people to give answers to somebody regarding a situation they are unfamiliar with. I realize that - I was only raising the question out of curiousity - no different than what anybody else does on this board. And yes, we may never become friends - I never said we were - she is an "acquaintance".

  And people had their choice on a response - not answering because they do not know the situation or simply stating, "I do not know either of you nor the circumstance, so I am unable to answer your question."

  I am a good person and fair. However, I feel I did not deserve the type of response I got from you - it was uncalled for. You could have answered the question getting the same point accross, but without the crap. I respect honesty, and I am a cut to the chase type of person. What I do not respect is name-calling.

  It is hard to tell what type of person you are dealing with via email. And that is why I do not participate in chat rooms very often. I like dealing one-on-one in person. It is very easy to hide behind a computer and give strong words. Does not seem you are a very diplomatic person. Your response seemed hostile and abusive - if that is how you deal with people on a normal basis, you must be a very lonely person.
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  SixofNine

  However, I feel I did not deserve the type of response I got from you - it was uncalled for.

  We will just have to disagree on this, FreeEagle. Your manner indicated to me that you are/were in dire need of a wake up call. I have reread your initial postings, and again, I am flabbergasted at them.

  You said "It is hard to tell what type of person you are dealing with via email. " I agree. But I do know this about you, you are someone who won't ask an acquaintance, who you indicate you would like to be friends with, a simple question to get to know a little about them.

  *Warning* additional wake up call coming -- If you are a shy 14 year old, this behaviour, while silly, might be understandable. If you are an adult, it would behoove you to treat the woman and the relationship like an adult. Adults can be asked what their beliefs on God are.

  If my response really seemed hostile and abusive (pretty strong words), perhaps it indicates a bit about your personality that is keeping you from even doing friendly confrontation.
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  Free Eagle

  A bit of caution never hurts. There are many people who consider religion a very personal issue.