Having Children Inside vs Outside The Organizatio

by Ranchette 23 Replies latest jw friends

Ranchette

I feel cheated because I wouldn’t know what it’s like to experience pregnancy and the birth of my children the way it was meant to be.
A completely natural and joyous event in human life was sabotaged by this religion!
I’m sure there are others who know what I mean.
I would be interested to hear stories of others who have had children both inside and out of this organization.
I would like to explain what I mean.
I was raised as a witness and was always expected to be an example. From as far back as I can remember we were taught that Armageddon was just around the corner. This was not the time to be having children. Instead we were to put the kingdom first.
My husband and I discussed it and agreed that we would not have children till the new system. That’s what Jah, the organization and our parents wanted and so we decided this was best.
Those who planned to get pregnant were viewed as immature spiritually. I would hear them say, “Why in the world would someone bring a child into this would knowing that we are living in the last days!?”
I remember one time when I had been married for a year or so confiding in my mother in law that I wanted a baby. She acted like I had a disease that would pass in time if I would just go on with my life serving Jehovah and ignore this desire.
Well she was right, but only because I thought this is what God wanted of me.
After pushing this natural desire away I accidentally became pregnant after about 4 ½ years. My husband and I were in shock and I didn’t have the desire for children at that time because I had successfully extricated that desire.
We were scared and in shock but decided to accept this since we had no choice.
We decided we wanted to be happy about it and wanted to share our happy news with our family. We went to a second hand store and bought a cute pair of tiny shoes and gift-wrapped them.
We went to my husband’s parents home and told his them we had a surprise for them. My husband gave the present to his mother and she unwrapped it and when she saw the shoes she started whaling “OH NO PLEASE DON”T LET THIS BE TRUE”!!!!! And proceeded to cry.
So much for a happy family event!!
She acted like we were announcing a death instead of the birth of her first grandchild.Disgusting!
I have much more to share about having children in this org but I will leave you with this for now.
Ranchette
LDH

LOL Ranch,
When I told my parents I was pregnant, they asked me if "I was sure I knew what I was doing."
I got to hear about the "dangerous times hard to deal with" all over again.
I simply replied, "You had children when you wanted to, and we are doing the same. Tomorrow is promised to no one."
My mother hasn't spoken to me (literally) for the whole nine months except to try to start arguments about parenting with me when I was three mos. pregnant. She told my husband, "If it had been up to her she would have beat our asses a lot more than she did." You should have seen my blood pressure and heart rate skyrocket. Hubby had to physically remove me from her presence.
Since then I have heard nothing from her. I get news about her secondhand thru my Dad.
The immovable object meets the unstoppable force.
Sorry they responded in this way. They have been taught well. It doesn't surprise me.
Lisa
JBean

Ranchette... so sorry to hear that you had that experience. How many years ago was that, may I ask? It seems to be much different now... maybe it's just in my area... but these young witness couples (young as in 18, 19, 20 years old!!!) are just poppin' out those kids at a crazy rate! No one seems to think it's odd or wrong... I haven't had any children yet, but would like to some day (however.... I'm running out of time! I just turned 40!) : )
rem

Wow! That is truly disgusting!
Unbelievable.
rem
"We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking." - Mark Twain
Englishman

This brings back memories of one of the few times that I became extremely angry with my own Father.
I was married then to my first wife who was pregnant for the second time. I'd gone to visit my parents, and my Dad was giving me his cold look. I asked what was wrong, he said that he had been thinking of me whilst on the ferry, and had decided my life was a mess. He said it made him very depressed that I could have been a special pio but had chosen to marry and foolishly have children in these last days, so what did he have to be happy about when I brought him so much grief? And oh, by the way, when was I ever going to get that wife of mine into subjection?
His words were an incredible wedge between us, I can barely even think about it even now.
Englishman.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....
HadEnuf

How awful for you Ranch...but that kind of "Armageddon Programming" dies pretty slowly for those who have been witnesses for decades. My mother, who is 81, still comments when she hears that anyone is pregnant..."What a terrible thing to bring children into this old system of things!" Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...but you know...I never thought I would be married in this old system (been married almost 29 years now)...I never thought I would have children (two sons...24 and 19)...I never thought I would have grandchildren (first granddaughter due in February). And most of all...I never thought I would see this religion for the hypocritical organization it has turned out to be.
I am so thankful everyday that I didn't put that stuff "on hold"...sometimes the only brightness is my light lately are my husband and children.
dedalus

Having babies is fun! Especially if you're a guy -- just sit back and watch.
Not really, of course. While Foxy gets rounder and rounder, I'm tapping into my primal, masculine urge to build stuff. Home Depot is my new favorite store! I've assembled a few items, but next I want to build a little bookcase, on my own. Oh, and this weekend I painted the baby room. Pale lavender and yellow.
Ranchette, your story is freakishly surreal. And they say it isn't a cult.
Dedalus
metatron

Let me add a little history here.
During the 20's, 30's and 40's, you had a lot of Rutherford
inspired Witlesses who avoided getting married and having kids.
They often ended up as sad, lonely, eccentric types who would
express private regret that they never had a family. They wasted
their lives listening to the Society - which published books
that told them that "Jonadabs" shouldn't be having children
and that "ancient worthies" resurrected could guide them as to
choosing marriage mates. I believe the famous "Children" book
talked about this. I know about this subject because of some
in my own extended Witless family - who felt shunned and
condemned at the time for marriage and kids - but later felt
vindicated by the turn of events.
Proving you can go against what the Society advises and be
much better off for it.
metatron
Ranchette

So the story continues…
As you can imagine I was very hurt by their reaction and felt I had let everyone down.
My mother didn’t react so dramatically it was more like “well I wished this hadn’t happened till the new system” and just acted as if we had to accept it since we had no other choice. She half jokingly half seriously said she was too young to be a grandmother.
Throughout my pregnancy neither side of the family acted very excited.
My husbands mother had nothing much to say or do with me unless it was to tell me horror stories about the births of her two children.
I had survived my wedding night, which I had feared so much, and now I was facing one of the biggest fears of my life next to persecution! Having a baby!
In 1986 we had a district assembly. It was obvious I was pregnant by that time and they gave a horrible talk, one of the worst I had ever heard about why we should not have children in this system. I was mortified! I was sitting on floor level and felt like every one was looking at me as the bad example!
The talk was so strong that I leaned over to my husband and said, “What do they expect me to do, get an abortion?”
I should have had parents and in-laws who were eat up with excitement for the arrival of this child and I shouldn’t have felt one ounce of guilt. I should have been excited too. Instead I was scared to death, ashamed, and guilt .
Now I am ashamed to realize we allowed this to happen to us.
When I finally had my baby daughter it was the first little bit of happiness I had seen out of the grandparents. They couldn’t resist the cuteness.
I was wondering where they all were when I needed them so much.
A damper was put on this very personal event in our lives. I will never forgive this organization for getting involved in our personal lives.
I want so much more for my children.
I want to be the doting grandparent and support my kids all the way in the future.
I know some of you are having children outside of the organization and I hope you cherish each and every moment and appreciate your freedom.
The old-timers still hold to these views and they wonder what in the world this new generation of liberal witnesses can be thinking by having children on purpose.
Both my children were born under the strict views and I don’t want any more so I will just enjoy your stories and be there for my kids when they need me.
That is unless I have another accident.
Ranchette
treeny

Ranchette, I know what you mean about those talks. I hated it when you know the talks were written for you. When I was pregnant with my second child I was disfellowshipped because of divorcing, and remarrying. I had medical problems, and almost lost my daughter,but had to deal with it by myself. My mom did take me to the hospital,but couldn't talk to me.It took me 15 months to get reinstated so all that time I was pretty much on my own.My husband had to take the kids to see my jw family.Yuck!! Telling the story now sounds so cold in human. My 3 kids were raised in the religion, but got out of it after I left a second time for good. I'm glad they had a new chance at life.Take care,
terry

Having Children Inside vs Outside The Organizatio

Share this