Having Children Inside vs Outside The Organizatio (page 2)

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Of course, the irony is that if the Society had stuck consistently to the policy of encouraging couples not to have children in "this system of things," the growth in the organization would have plummeted years ago.

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ItsJustMe

I have always felt sorry for the "unexpected" kids of pioneer couples, missionary couples, or CO couples. What a burden to grow up -- knowing you are the reason your parents left the full-time work.

By the way, a CO once told a friend of mine that the only reason a man should work full-time and not pioneer is to support his wife pioneering or to support a family.

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Missie Eff

I'm so sorry, Ranchette that your experience of childbirth and motherhood were ruined by these people. What right do they have to do this (a question I have asked myself many times).
I was raised as a JW and there is no way that my son will be put under the same pressures and robbed of the same joys of childhood that I had taken from me.
As it happened, my husband left shortly before my son was born. He is a very active and intelligent boy and there is no way that I would be able to take him to three meetings a week on my own. That would be madness!
My pregnancy could have been totally ruined by the fact that my marriage was on the rocks, I went through a Judicial Committee and was disfellowshipped and like a mad woman I went back to the Kingdom Hall and sat like an outcast at the back for a few weeks. But it wasn't. I enjoyed every moment and love my son dearly.
It will be better next time around, believe me...

VeniceIT

*praying there will be no more accidents for Ranchette and gang* HAHAHHAHAH

I know what you mean though it's SOOOO TWISTED!!!!

I never had a decent Grama they're both kinda crazy (well one deff is, she has alzhiemrs and says I've been stealing from her since the 40's). But they've both been vary strained. My mom loves kids and always adopted the ones in the hall.

When we heard my sis was preggers we were SOO excited we finally had our own baby. The whole family was glad to see someone that was gonna have a good gramma. Mom was so happy about being a grama, and then when my sis turned us in, and mom hasn't seen your grandbaby for over a year. She'll be 3 next week!!!

Even when JW's are excited about it they manage to screw it all up!!! how sick!!!!

Ven

"Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."

Ranchette

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After being so awful and non supportive of me during my pregnancy with my daughter my mother in-law had the nerve to want to present herself in my hospital room while I was in labor.
I said absolutely not! She wasn't there when I needed her and now she's in my face. She makes me nervous anyway.

She has never forgiven me for this and doesn't understand why I was so mean to her?[8>]
I don't regret that decision.It was my right.

We enjoyed our new baby and settled into an only one-child mindset.
I started regular pioneering when she was 3yrs old. She was a people person and loved it (strange child).

Almost a year into my pioneering I came up pregnant again.
The Society wasn’t harping on this the way they did when I was pregnant the first time but the understanding was the same but the pressure just wasn’t as bad.

I decided to continue pioneering. Sadly I miscarried that child.
That’s a whole other subject so all I’ll say about that is it was devastating mentally, physically and emotionally to both my husband and me.
The coldness of JW family and friends was unbearable during this loss!
They all just basically pretended nothing had happened no condolences or anything!
I got the feeling they all thought it was all for the best.
This was very hurtful too.

I recovered and continued pioneering and went to pioneer school a few weeks later.
Within three months I was pregnant again! No one believed it was an accident so again I was made to feel like a criminal for something was supposed to be a happy and normal occurrence.I cant'help it if I'm Fertal Mertal!

I am not relating these things for sympathy. I just want people to see how wrong and unnatural this religion is.

Never ever let a religion get into your personal life!
If they try they are probably are a cult.

Also relating these things reinforces in me a self-confidence that I’m on the right track now.

Ranchette

Missie Eff

Too right you're on the right track now.

I'm under the opinion that nothing in life should mean more to you than your family. Children are great - enjoy them before they grow up!

Much love

Joyzabel

Hi Ranchette,
Thanks for sharing your experience. It really shows how cultish the borg is. My husband & I pioneered, went to Bethel the first 6 years of our marriage. I didn't want kids til the new system. (we married in 72) But while at Bethel I kept meeting so many branch overseer's wives going through menopause and not handling it well at all. After hearing them say that if they could do it again they would have kids, made me stop and think about our future. So in 76 we left to get pregnant. We didn't want to feel bad about a baby taking us out of full time work. Our first son was born 78, then a girl 79. Then an oops in 87. We love our children, but I know I could have given more love and attention instead of fighting over getting to the meetings, service, etc. My relationship with my youngest son has really changed for the better these past few months since our extricating ourselves.
So, please Rachette, use your experience to go forward with your children and be the mom you didn't get! j2bf

Ranchette

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments so far because ALL of them help to bring home the point I'm trying to make here.I
started thinking back and it all seems so twisted now.

How did we ever go along with this stuff?
Never again for me!
I will do everything in my power to protect my family from going through what we did.

LDH,
I just wanted to say I'm sorry about your situation too and under the circumstances and for you and your babies sakes I'm glad you are steering clear of your mother right now.

Joy,
I'm glad you bucked the system and made the choices you did.
You told me to be the mother I never had.
That is exactly what I'm doing.I am really enjoying my kids now instead of looking at them as an obstical in the way of my service to God.
I understand about looking at all that wasted time and attention that we could have put in to our kids but we can't change the past so we just have to move foward as you said with our children.

Like you I feel my relationship with them is much better now.

Venice,
I know you guys have pain also because of what this organization does to families. I hope things change for the better soon.

Ranchette

GinnyTosken

By the time my son was born, I had been disfellowshipped for four years and had married a worldly man, so no one gave me a hard time for not pioneering or anything.

Still, the JW mindset goes deep. My son was born on the day the Gulf War started, and I vividly remember lying in the hospital bed in labor, watching the news and sure this was The End, and thinking, "Woe to the pregnant women and those suckling a baby in those days! . . . Isn't this just my luck? One day out of 2,000 years, and I manage to pick it."

Ginny

Mulan

I got married in 1962, while a Senior in high school, determined to finish the school year. It was the Vietnam war time frame, and our school allowed married girls to keep attending school, since there were many of us. Most of the girls had husbands in Vietnam, though, and I was the only one actually living with mine.

I got pregnant the second month of marriage.......what causes that??? I could have kept going to school, but dropped out, thinking it was a waste of my time. Dumb, eh? And Armageddon was coming. After all, it had been "just around the corner" since I was 5 years old. Surely my baby would never go to Kindergarten, so what did I need a HS diploma for? (I got it later though)

Anyway, by the time I was 24, I had three children. Nine years later, I wanted another baby, but it was frowned on by then, although some were rebelling.....not too many babies being born in that time, here.

In September 1979, I had a six week premature baby, and thought for sure he would die, since his lungs were not developed properly. I had lots of support, fortunately, and even the CO's wife visited me in the hospital for several hours one day..........she was hiding, I think. My baby lived, and is now a handsome, very tall, 22 year old newlywed. But, when he was 2 months old, we had a visit of the substitute CO, the man who had studied with my in-laws. His wife came over to me, I thought to see my beautiful, healthy baby, and she said "Marilyn, why did you have this baby?" I didn't even blink an eye, and said "As far as I remember, we still don't support abortion." She was dumbstruck and started laughing. I intimated that he was an accident, but he wasn't. I was only 34, for God's sake. It's not like he was a menopause baby.

The people in our congregation acted like I was a pervert or something for getting pregnant at my age. When I think back on it, I get angry, because they made me feel like I was an OLD mother. Two of my daughters in law gave birth at that age, and they are YOUNG!!!!

So, Ranchette, while I think you lived in an area that was a bit extreme, but you are not alone.

There was an elderly couple in our KH, while we were raising our kids, who married in 1941, during the "don't marry now" era, and definitely don't have babies. She promptly had two!! She told me, after Danny was born, that I had to think of clever things to say to people, because I would get unkind comments. She told me the abortion one, because she used it. She was a grand old gal!!

Give that hunk of a hubby a hug for me, okay???

Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
"Those who know, don't say, and those who say, don't know."

Having Children Inside vs Outside The Organizatio

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