Have I become like those I despise?

by Hortensia 46 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  misspeaches

  (((Hortensia)))

  Sometimes we feel so unhappy and we think to ourselves, "My problems are minor in the big scheme. I've no right to feel so depressed". And we begin to hate ourselves and our feelings so much... All of a sudden feeling unhappy begins to escalate into something even bigger and more challenging.

  It is OKAY to feel down. It is OKAY to feel dissatisfied with the cards life is dealing you. It is OKAY to vent your feelings, to get angry about things. Keep telling us how your feeling!

  Here's something that might help you first work out what upsets you and then start working on how you can manage the situations... Every time you feel yourself beginning to become upset, think about what led up to you feeling that way. Write it down, then give it a rating from 0 - 10 (0 being minor 10 being major). After a while you will see a pattern emerge. Tackle those big issues first.

  Hang in there. Your loved here.
• 

  real one

  Jesus heals give him a try.
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  Hortensia

  Thanks everyone. Two anti-anxiety meds and a sleeping pill later, I don't feel so bad. Feed rather loopy in fact. Life sucks, but all you can do is keep inhaling and exhaling. Real One - You are a trip. Baba Yaga thanks for the squooshy hug - inside today I was screaming "I want some attention!!! I want some hugs!!! I want someone to say it's all OK even if it isn't. I need some attention!!!" Hence the shameless desperate attention-getting post.
• 

  flipper

  HORTENSIA- Hang in there sis ! Peace and hugs, Mr. & Mrs. Flipper
• 

  BurnTheShips

  Thanks everyone. Two anti-anxiety meds and a sleeping pill later, I don't feel so bad. Feed rather loopy in fact. Life sucks, but all you can do is keep inhaling and exhaling. Real One - You are a trip. Baba Yaga thanks for the squooshy hug - inside today I was screaming "I want some attention!!! I want some hugs!!! I want someone to say it's all OK even if it isn't. I need some attention!!!" Hence the shameless desperate attention-getting post.

  Nothing shameless there darling. Please take your meds. I had to get on Zoloft after leaving the dubs. I also had to take Xanax for the nerves. I am off the stuff now but I would take them again if I felt myself sinking.

  Keep swimming. What do you think would make your life better? Or do you think it is just a physiological problem? Leaving the cult brings everyone down. Burn PS. Jesus does heal darling. Some diseases are of the spirit and meds are just palliatives. Burn.
• 

  BabaYaga

  
  
  For you, Darling...
  
  

  the song of mehitabel

  By Don Marquis, in "archy and mehitabel," 1927

  this is the song of mehitabel
  of mehitabel the alley cat
  as i wrote you before boss
  mehitabel is a believer
  in the pythagorean
  theory of the transmigration
  of the soul and she claims
  that formerly her spirit
  was incarnated in the body
  of cleopatra
  that was a long time ago
  and one must not be
  surprised if mehitabel
  has forgotten some of her
  more regal manners

  i have had my ups and downs
  but wotthehell wotthehell
  yesterday sceptres and crowns
  fried oysters and velvet gowns
  and today i herd with bums
  but wotthehell wotthehell
  i wake the world from sleep
  as i caper and sing and leap
  when i sing my wild free tune
  wotthehell wotthehell
  under the blear eyed moon
  i am pelted with cast off shoon
  but wotthehell wotthehell

  do you think that i would change
  my present freedom to range
  for a castle or moated grange
  wotthehell wotthehell
  cage me and i d go frantic
  my life is so romantic
  capricious and corybantic
  and i m toujours gai toujours gai

  i know that i am bound
  for a journey down the sound
  in the midst of a refuse mound
  but wotthehell wotthehell
  oh i should worry and fret
  death and i will coquette
  there s a dance in the old dame yet
  toujours gai toujours gai

  i once was an innocent kit
  wotthehell wotthehell
  with a ribbon my neck to fit
  and bells tied onto it
  o wotthehell wotthehell
  but a maltese cat came by
  with a come hither look in his eye
  and a song that soared to the sky
  and wotthehell wotthehell
  and i followed adown the street
  the pad of his rhythmical feet
  o permit me again to repeat
  wotthehell wotthehell

  my youth i shall never forget
  but there s nothing i really regret
  wotthehell wotthehell
  there s a dance in the old dame yet
  toujours gai toujours gai

  the things that i had not ought to
  i do because i ve gotto
  wotthehell wotthehell
  and i end with my favorite motto
  toujours gai toujours gai

  boss sometimes i think
  that our friend mehitabel
  is a trifle too gay
• 

  Hope4Others

  We love you Hortensia! Hang in there.

  hope4others
• 

  Sad emo

  Your words could have come from my own mouth (((hortensia)))

  The silent screams go largely unnoticed and unheard, there's nothing wrong with making them audible from time to time - now to heed my own words!!
• 

  Princess Daisy Boo

  ((((((((((((Hortensia))))))))))))
• 

  Eyes Open

  Thinking of you, Hortensia. As others have said, it's not wrong to feel down. I don't know your history, but as you're on an ex-JW forum I'm sure you have very pertinent reasons to feel the way you do. Guess we have to acknowledge that some days will be better/worse than others and accept it.
  
  Keep going mate. You'll get somewhere better in time.