Have I become like those I despise? (page 4)

ex-nj-jw

Hey Hortensia,

I hope you are feeling better this morning! I know exactly how you feel, there have been times when I just wanted to leave with the clothes on my back, change my name and disapear. I kinda did that when I left home at age 18, things got better, then worse, then better again. just when I think all is going well, BAM! something else rocks my world! All we can do is reach out people that either can understand us or give a hug or sometimes just be there to listen with a shoulder to cry on.

Take one day at a time, yell screem cry cuss do whatever you feel you need to do to let it out, most of all don't try to keep it all in. Just because others have worse problems doesn't mean that your problem isn't significant. Take care of yourself and if you need someone to talk to PM me!

(((((((((((((((((((((hortensia)))))))))))))))))))))

nj

Hortensia

it isn't the WTBTS that's my problem. I've been out for 27 years or so. It's financial ruin - my little mom and pop business is suffering Wal-mart type competition from the big corporate career colleges. I don't know what will happen - probably bankruptcy, I am working workng working but it ain't working. I have no one to talk with, plus my husband is in jail (where he needs to be for all our sakes) but his trial keeps getting postponed and so in lots of ways I can't move forward and can't have closure and sometimes I just go crazy. The thought of running out in traffic to stop the speeders sounds very attractive but unfortunately I'm not that kind of person. I'm a hang in there until you're dead kind of person, never give up, one foot in front of the other, pretty soon I'm going to start foaming at the mouth.

How nice of you all to respond and let me know you noticed. I feel like I walk around in a cone of silence all the time, sounds and touch don't get into me, no one sees me. God I'm a whiner. I hate whiners!!!

avishai

Big difference between being a whiner and reaching out for help. I don't think you're a whiner at all.

Hortensia

lalalalala life goes on...

I got an interesting phone call from my sister today -recently left the org. - she was watching the news about that cult thing in Texas, and crying, because it finally hit her that the WTBTS is a cult. I'm so glad she sees it now - she is a really nice person and it is so good she is out of the org. One of my complete financial ruin plans is to drive to her house and go find a job. Unfortunately can't leave the ship until it sinks - have customers to consider and need to be ethical about how I do things. so, no running away and changing my name.

PEC

You have a PM.

Philip

greendawn

You got hit by a big business competitor opening in your neighbourhood I gather. Though I don't understand what a mom and pop business means can't you relocate to another less competitive yet busy place?

BFD

I got an interesting phone call from my sister today -recently left the org. - she was watching the news about that cult thing in Texas, and crying, because it finally hit her that the WTBTS is a cult. I'm so glad she sees it now - she is a really nice person and it is so good she is out of the org. One of my complete financial ruin plans is to drive to her house and go find a job. Unfortunately can't leave the ship until it sinks - have customers to consider and need to be ethical about how I do things. so, no running away and changing my name.

Well it's a damn good thing you didn't become a speed bump. What GREAT news. Oh, Queen H, you are one of my favorite posters here even if are a thread killer.

Wrap it up and start a new life with your sister.

Congratulations!

BFD

Dagney

Hortensia,

I am sorry for the recent troubles. Dammit.

Just to let you know I always read and enjoy your posts.

Someday when I'm out your way I hope we can share a cup of tea.

D

Hortensia

OK now I feel better and I'm embarrassed (move along now folks - nothing to see - nothing to see) how whiny and clingy and desperate can you get? But I read over everyone's responses and emails several times and it all made me feel so much better (I said, move along there! Nothing to see. It's all over now - you're blocking the emergency crew - keep moving) So it's someone else's turn now - who else feels really crappy and needs a group hug?

compound complex

Dear Hortensia,

I just read your post, only now understanding the meaning behind the question. I'm glad you received so many loving, supportive replies. Here's one more poster saying, "I know what you mean."

My health is tentative, my rental's for sale, my funds are low, etc. You don't need to hear my problems, so ... my good news is that I recently sold 5 paintings. The sale didn't really get me ahead as I recently lost 50% of my income; however, the windfall kept me afloat. Travel is restricted to getting to my few remaining jobs - gas is too darn expensive.

I take hot baths and long walks daily, which is a remedy for depression/tragedy/blues/whatever, so I'm told, only till you get it together. GET IT TOGETHER? Really ...

I just came in from sitting on my deck and staring out into the future. What did I see? One foot in front of the other, keeping on and keeping on. As Sam said - Sleepless in Seattle - 'I'll remind myself each day to get out of bed and to keep on breathing ... I'll continue doing that until I no longer have to remind myself.'

In the meantime, I will continue my personal commitment (obsessive compulsion) to read and write daily in JWD.

Will you stay on board?

I know you will!

Love,

CoCo

Have I become like those I despise?

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