come what may, i think you did the right thing telling her you honestly aren't interested. if she's gonna be a selfish immature narrow-minded twerp about stuff, rather than respect you as a person, best to know now. did she not know you're inactive? or did it just never come up?
Is this really a J-Dub rule???
by superman 16 Replies latest jw friends
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Alpaca
Hi All,
If I remember correctly, when I was an elder this was discussed from the platform, and I am fairly certain that the subject of telephone "dating" was mentioned in a magazine article (probably the Awake), in the mid to late 80s or early 90s.
In any event, SM you must realize that there are a disproportionate ratio of single woman to single men in the Borg. Single woman are constantly resorting to desparate measures to find a man in the Borg.
You should run screaming, with your arms flailing to get out the Borg so you can meet some normal women.
Good luck, man.
Alex
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Layla33
What in the world?! That is STALKING! Even if you were dating, don't you still have the right to say, "NO", I am not interested at any point during the so-called dating relationship?
And no you were not dating her, come on. You talked a bit, and you sent some text messages, how ridiculous to suggest anything other than that. These forceful guilt/fear tactics are just totally out of line.
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SirNose586
Sounds like stalking....dub or not...get the deuce out of there, man!!
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Tuesday
It's no rule that I can think of. Just plead ignorance, tell the elders that she asked for your number and since you were out with a group of people you thought it was for her to get in touch with you about future gatherings. You could even turn it onto her saying when she started texting you and calling you insesantly you knew that something was up that's why you told her you weren't interested in dating. The elders will more than likely chalk it up to a misunderstanding, just make sure to tell them that you had no idea she was interested in you until she started basically harassing you. Also if it were me I would add that had you known about her intentions when she asked for your phone number you never would've given it to her. She might end up getting in trouble in the end for being too forward.
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Quirky1
Superman, I have heard talks given by elders that have mentioned internet e-mail and chat as well as text messaging labeled as "dating" amd is considered serious among JW's. In your case I wopuld just play stupid and if get's serious I would turn it around on her and make her out the bad girl, won't leave you alone person.
Or.....
Play it out and have some fun with it and see where it goes.........
Quirky1
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GoddessRachel
I always thought when I was a witness they said if you go somewhere physically with a female it was dating. Like go to coffee, go to a restaurant and eat , etc. I've never heard that talking on the phone regularly with someone of the opposite sex is considered dating , at least I never heard that when I was a witness ! I think the young lady is blackmailing you to like her by spouting off " fictitious " rules by the organization - and then entrap you in some precarious way ! Like TIRED of the HYPOCRISY said, " I'd stop calling her. " No matter what her unknown motive is - I think she wants to control you, and is up to no good ! Be careful. Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Yes, this is actually a rule, one of the unwritten ones. I got in trouble in high school for talking to a boy on the phone on a regular basis. We were told we were dating, even though we were only talking on the phone. Yes, I thought it was stupid then, and I still think it's stupid.
There has been some great advice on this thread. I agree with what Tuesday and others have said, that if you are contacted by anyone you need to be clear that she asked for your number, you gave it to her thinking you were reaching out and being part of the group, she text messaged and contacted you, you were just being polite and friendly.
In my case the boy and I were actually talking on the phone for hours. If you barely responded to this girl, and then answered her question about dating honestly, I can't imagine how the elders could actually think you led her on. If you spent hours talking to her and getting to know her, and THEN said you weren't interested, I could see how she might feel a little bit slighted, but still not enough to involve the elders.
Speaking of which, I can't believe she would actually involve the elders. YIKES. That is really something. What a relief that we are not that brainwashed and choose to think for ourselves and govern our own lives!
Oh, one more thing, you don't actually owe the elders any explanation at all. If you don't feel like talking to them about it, don't. They are not God's spokespeople, they do not have authority over you unless you let them have it, so if you are inclined to just avoid them, go for it. Of course, I know this is easier said than done.
Good luck, Superman. Go meet a "worldly" girl and try to stay away from the sad lonely Witness girls. Poor things.
Peace,
Rachel