So my girlfriend and I are getting very serious, and I've bought her engagement ring, should be done being built sometime in May. Then at some point later, I'm going to ask her to marry me. She was with me and picked out her ring, so she knows its coming. Long story short, she's the woman of my dreams, totally a sweet woman, treats me wonderfully, she's beautiful, intelligent, a hard worker, great communicator, and is a natural "nurturer", which tells me she'll be a great mom someday. Anyway... we were talking last night about wedding ideas, etc., and we came to "my dad's side of the family"... There are basically 10 people, my grandma, dad, stepmom, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, and some little kids, that are in the "Troof". Then there is also all of my (paternal) grandma's family that are too, but I'd only invite these 10 close relatives. So I called my dad up today, after chatting for a while, I asked "the question", because we've been talking regularly lately. He said, "Well, you know, I just can't make it." Like a KNIFE through the heart!!!! This man raised me since I was 5 when my mother abandoned us, he helped me out through everything. I'm not wasting my time with my grandma the "ultra dub", or my one aunt, who does "everything mom and the BORG say".
But you see, here is the "sticky" part, I'm going to invite old friends of my dad, grandparents, etc., "worldly" people, people that he works with, people that were close to me as a kid, etc. And all of them will ask, "Where is your dad?" What the hell do you tell these people? I shouldn't have to answer these kind of questions on my wedding day, ya know? I'm worried some of these ones will feel that they don't support my marriage to my partner, and I don't want her to feel that way.
I called my best friend, who is also my cousin and is also "out", he couldn't believe it. He was literally in shock, and said he wanted nothing to do with our family after this fiasco. He's going to be my best man, and I'm going to be his when he gets married next year. You see I'm DF'd, but he is not, he never got dunked. SO, some of the family will probably be at his wedding, yet they won't be for mine, and I'll be treated like garbage at his.
My GF is very supportive of all this and does somehow understand, she just doesn't think its right at all. I told her if they don't come to the wedding, then they don't get to see our kids, if we have any. Because they are rejecting me, therefore they also are rejecting my kids.
I even told them that it probably wouldn't be in a church, we're looking more at country clubs, vineyards, etc.. Her dad is a pastor and will most likely give the ceremony. Her parents have been great about understanding that side of my family is out of my life.
I called my mom and told her (she's also DF'd), and she assured me that her whole side will be there, and will be supportive. But I hate the fact that my own father won't be there to see me get married. Really how SICK is this organization? Do they understand how BAD of a "witness" this is to all those worldly people that will be there??? Not supporting your son's wedding? How uncomfortable the questions will be in the office???