Patchy memories

by Princess Daisy Boo 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  Princess Daisy Boo

  I often think back to my childhood and discover that my memories are very patchy. Names, faces, school teachers, things related to being a brought up as a dub.

  Memories of some years are patchier than others - for example when I was about 10, we moved from the city that we had always lived to a small town, 2 hours drive away - we moved back to the city 3 years later - I remember very little of the first two years in that small town.

  I seem to think that the years where the memories are patchy were times when I was quite unhappy. Even my highschool years are quite patchy.

  Anyone else experience this?
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  carla

  Not being a jw I would think not having any holidays and such as markers in your life it would tend to all run together. Most jw's can only go from this convention to the next which sound pretty much the same to me.

  From a non jw point we have 4th of July's, birthday parties that were great or some catastrophe, Christmas, Halloween where mom worked on the costume all week, etc...etc.... In highschool we have our years we tried out for some sport and possibly didn't make it, the dances, the sleepovers where you didn't come home until at least noon on Sat, etc....... All these markers in our non jw lives to remember and distinguish our years one from the other. These activities by non jw's does not mean one couldn't also worship God or serve Him. Rather we were capable of doing both sometimes successfully and sometimes not so much, just human.
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  lesterd

  You were taught that everything outside the org isnt worth remembering, you memories were never rooted in anything but the "truth", and your suprised that you cant remember normal life? You never had one.

  All I remember were the beatings I got at home and from those worldly kids that pursectuted me for being a witness, different, when I was growing up, the opportunities I missed out on in education and posibly the entertaainment world, that non believing father that was never around because of the "truth". The "sister" my mother "partnered" up with that made my life hell.

  Yes precious memories of being brainwashed and raise a good little JW.
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  Velvetann

  Hi Princess

  I have patchy memories too, but I think thats because it was all sooooooooooooooo long ago. I do remember the BAD or negative things, the kids teasing and ridiculing me, the times when my Dad beat me with a belt or shouted at me because I didn't study the Watchtower. Mostly there was nothing fun to remember.

  Yes I agree with the comment about we had no celebrations such as Christmas and Birthdays, Halloween to help us remember things. It was just such a sad childhood for me and it sounds like it was for you too.

  I am still very angry about how my childhood was ruined because of a Religion that tells Lies.

  Velvetann.
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  jamiebowers

  I've experienced the same things, but they only relate to my time in the cult. My mom didn't start studying until I was 11 or 12. I have vivid memories of my whole childhood (even back to 2 or 3 years old), but for the life of me, I can't seem to remember things after I was baptized at 17. For instance, when someone on this board quotes a Watchtower study or mentions a kingdom melody from when I was in the cult, I don't remember it. I do remember the beatings and threats by my jw husband and when I was df'd.
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  momzcrazy

  I have patchy memories too. I think in some way, I choose not to remember certain things. After my hospitalization it got worse. Touch of brain damage from blood loss they said. I have to literally tell myself to always remember something. Say, for example, bringing my babies home for the first time, or when my son asked me to dance with him. Otherwise it would be lost forever.

  momz
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  LayingLow

  I don't think that is peculiar to adults who were raised JW's. I wasn't and I have very foggy memory / don't remember much of my youth. I remember some parts were depressing and so I have always spent my time thinking of the present/future. Some people think of the past often. I'm not one of those people. It seems like people like that (friends that I've known) remember my youth better than I do. I think if you review it often it sticks more. I may be way off but that is something I've been pondering over lately as well.
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  Bring_the_Light

  Its interesting this has been brought up. I think I have an explanation which combines both JW and non-JW experience of this.

  For me, I spent long period of time, "WAITING" for some future time when my life would be better. Never living in the present, not having much to review about the past, and waiting for the time where I can change things. I experienced this with my life growing up as a JW (I hated my life, spent all my time thinking about what I'd do with "my life" when I turned 18). I remember my "rumspringer" years in college and shortly afterward extremely well, now after settling in a routine and a job, its blending together again.

  I would guess that the clarity of your memories is a function both of how often you revisit them, and also how "special" and "in them moment" you were when they formed.
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  MissingLink

  Yep, got a few years missing here and there myself. Mom was in hospital with a brain tumor for part of that time.
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  AlyMC

  Very much so. What I do remember I can only tie to an age range based on what town or house we were in- and trust in my Dad to tell me what I age I was in said town or house. (we moved a lot)

  I also look back at my time as a JW (born in until 24ish) as a big void of sorts... a few memories, but for the most part it feels as though it was all a dream or something. Doesn't seem very real. It is an empty feeling for sure.