I am so glad that it is not just me.
This feeling that my childhood was rather empty makes me a little sad and angry. I guess the weirdest part is only realising now what an effect growing up in the borg did to me!
Patchy memories
by Princess Daisy Boo 14 Replies latest jw friends
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cognac
I seem to think that the years where the memories are patchy were times when I was quite unhappy.
Yes, however, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Evidently, I learned to forget things at an early age.
Did you talk to a Dr. about it?
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Princess Daisy Boo
I haven't spoken to a doctor- it is just recently that I have started realising that there are chunks of my life that I can't really recall. Like going onto facebook and looking for my old schools and realising that I couldn't recall a single person from my class for a number of years. Or sitting around with friends reminiscing and not having anything to contribute.
My sister on the other hand, who is still happily a dub, has loads of apparently happy memories of our childhood. Weird!
PTSD just seems so major!
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cognac
PTSD just seems so major!
I thought the same thing. Actually, when I went there, I thought I was getting alzteimers. My great-grandmother had it and that's what I thought I was getting.
It doesn't really bother me to much anymore because I think that there are varying degrees of it. For example, I know I don't have it nearly as bad as somebody who went to war.
Also, I can stop taking my meds anytime I want to. I notice that I don't need nearly as much as what I got. I notice I only have to take it when I'm around something that will trigger something hurtful in me.
Actually, because I have this, I'm starting to feel more normal. At first, it was upsetting. Then, I thought about it more and decided I wasn't upset at all by having this. I think I'm a very well-rounded, loving, compassionate person. My brother even said that out of all of us kids, I was the most compassionate. I think I just reacted to something completely unnatural. Something awful.
I view my PTSD as simply a normal reaction to something bad that happened. If I didn't have something, then I would be worried.
I see myself as being in the process of being healed...
Anyways, you might not have it at all. Who knows? I'm just telling you my experience with it. Also, I've been through a lot more then I have let this board knows about. I will post about it soon. Just not ready yet.
It could be simply that you have different memories. Maybe you remember stuff that your sister doesn't. Maybe you just remember different types of things...
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Princess Daisy Boo
Thanks Cognac!
Maybe I am just making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe there is something more serious and sinister, or more likely nothing at all. I liked the theory by some that because our years as born in dubs were so "nothingy", just meetings, field service and conventions and not a whole lot of fun, nothing really sticks out. I think that maybe that is it. Now that I have realised that my memories are so patchy, I think that I will maybe start journalising things - I figure that will maybe help jog a memory or two?
Thanks for the thoughts!