How do I get over my Family treating me Like an Outcast

by moonpie 30 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Homerovah the Almighty

  Sorry to hear about your falling out with your father, that can be a hard one to handle , but you must keep in mind that your father and others have a

  mental dissociative problem that was instilled and placed there by this religious organization. You should never burden yourself that this situation occurred because of

  your direct actions and so therefore be guilty or responsible.

  If people are sticking their noses in the air at you when all you've ever done is to show a non-belief in their religion, take that as their infallible weakness and ignorance.

  Keep your chin up and show that you are better than them and you absolutely are, I would consider leaving the JWS as a spring board to something better something

  the JWS are very much incapable of.

  Keep smiling and take care
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  BigBloomerz

  Hi Moonpie, welcome to the board.

  I myself am in the same situation as you, i dissasociated myself last year and my 3 elder brothers do not talk to me because of this, apart from the occasional email from my eldest brother to make sure im alive, I too wish that i could make them see sense, but all of us here know what its like in that religion/environment and how hard it is to see sense and leave.

  I pray that you get through this difficult time and that your family do realise. But also remember that there are so many other people here that are going through the same thing and we are here to help and support each other. xx
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  NewYork44M

  Welcome.

  One thing that you could do is to mention to them about the new arrangement (see threads on eliminating the bookstudy). They don't know yet, but if you start talking about this and then they later find out you were right, it might be an opening for future conversations.
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  moonpie

  Thank you very much. I know many people are going through this same situation and I am here for them. As far as the book study ending, do you know when it will end? I'd really love to know.
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  anewme

  Dear Moonpie, we are sorry about your loss honey. But we too have suffered the loss of our friends and family too and oila! WE ARE STILL HERE! AND MANY HAVE FOUND HAPPINESS TOO!
  
  The trick is to de-sensitize yourself to the loss. Sure, it is unnatural to have your family and friends turn their back on you just because you decide to not attend their church anymore.
  But that is their choice and there is nothing you can do about that.
  
  Your efforts now must be to go on. You must turn your attention to the future and to a bright happy future at that!
  You must make new acquaintances and new associations and form a new family of intimate friends.
  You can hope that your family will change their minds and join you in the future, but that is all you can do.
  
  Why not start to make some new friends here on JWD!!
  
  
  
  
  
  Anewme
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  R.Crusoe

  Difficult though this may seem and impossible though it may feel,

  the first step is awareness - like how can you not be?

  the second to feel the pain and acknowledge it,

  the third to accept it ( tricky because it almost means you have to cut them off and future encounters become irrelevant) <though if you can live in the present moment it doesn't matter because even your worst enemy can come along and you just respond to what they say with no memory of past in your mind>

  fourthly to keep in the present moment with the 'inner you' - the part of you inside which is no part of your form (body) and to realise this is the bit from god, part of god and to go back to god when your outer form (body) dissolves into old age and death.

  Seems the above works for some = though I cannot claim to have mastered it personally! If I do I'll let you know.
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  Layla33

  Moonpie,

  You are absolutely not a bad person for feeling like you do. Something normal, such as a love and communication of your family has been disrupted, and it takes time to come to terms with it. I don't think it will ever truly make sense, but you can make peace with it. There are so many people here that even though intellectually they understand the terms of KH and WTS, it is heartbreaking when their own parents and siblings will not acknowledge them.

  I was DFd 18 years ago. For the most part, I didn't truly suffer the loss of my family's involvement. I did however lose privileges of family dinners, anniversaries and such. When both my grandparents had huge 50th Wedding Anniversaries, I was not invited, it slightly hurt because of course everyone talked about it for years.

  But through meditation and realization of my life, I made peace with the facets of imperfection that exist, things I can not change, I have accepted and the truth is I haven't been happier. I could beat myself up over it, or I could learn to deal with the life I was given, in all its imperfections.

  I think going through the process is good, there are people that have wrote letters and mailed them, as a way to deal with it, and then moved on. Sometimes even writing a letter that you may never send, but just to get out your pain and hurt may help, having a good cry and then being with friends that truly love and support you helps. I think this board is a wonderful place to share such things and make peace with it in the process.
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  Awakened at Gilead

  Moonpie,

  Welcome to the board. I am a new member too, and have found some relief from my conflicting emotions by reading and posting.

  I am not disfellowshipped, but no longer consider myself a witness. Once I took that decision, I told my parents about it. My mother told me that she would never stop talking to me even if I am officially DfD or DA'd. But it helps to know that there are many people who leave JW's every day. Getting in touch with other xJWs helps you to see that you are not alone.

  It's really unfortunate that the society maintains this policy so that families are so torn apart.

  A@G

  PS.. I'm sending you a PM. Check your inbox.
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  Awakened at Gilead
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  jambon1

  This is the most destructive, unloving and hideous thing about the JW religion. I would rather tear my heart out & die than shun my kids. Frankly, any parent who can do this is mentally ill or sick in the mind. Devoid of all natural emotion. Try to let them know how you feel. Try this a few times. If they do not respond then distance your emotions from them. They are, at that point, simply not worth it. Its hideous. My thoughts are with you.