Oompa, you shouldn't feel bad about not making any "progress" when it comes to your situation. I've been inactive for almost 3 years, and I'm still learning how to talk to my wife about it all. At first, I swore to not discuss spiritual things with her, but now I can see that she doesn't shut down when I broach tough topics. The other day I even got a chance to talk about many of the things that bother me about JW doctrines. I think the temptation to "escape" is there for a reason, but it wouldn't really solve anything. You'd only be running away from your own heart. I don't know you and I don't know your wife, but if you guys are anything like my wife and I, just keep talking with each other.
Awakend at Gilead inspires me to speak frankly with my wife........
by oompa 28 Replies latest jw friends
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Hope4Others
Maybe it is time for me to do something just for me.
You should be doing something just for you, after all you have given much up. Even taking up golfing or some type of hobby to keep your mind busy, you will meet
new people this way. I don't know why you guys are so hard on yourselves for your posting, I look at it as you have made many friends here and you are here
to talk to them. I hope you can Cheer up, your well thought of.
Eventually you know you will have to have a heart to heart talk with her, as to where your lives are heading together as a couple. What you want, what she wants
and if it can work or you are both willing to make it work. I think she needs to really listen to what you have learned to understand why you are where your at in
this point in life. Not that she has to accept it but only that she can see why you are hurting. Is there a way to convince her of this.
Cheers
hope4others
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daniel-p
On a further note... I wouldn't go down the path of "ohh she needs a spiritual head in her life, blah blah..." I went down that road and it only tears people down. Remember, all that spiritual head JW crap is fucking bullshit! When it comes down to it, women like the social aspect of religion more than men, and she may always gravitate toward spiritual companionship, heck, that's what churches are for in the first place. People like you and me, or maybe just me, need a level of spiritual privacy. But it doesn't mean you can't, or won't, find a way to connect with her on that level. I'll give you an example: just the other day my wife and I were taking a hike up this one mountain outside of town. We started talking about the flowers that were blooming, the time of year, etc. Then started talking about John Muir and other types who found a sort of spiritual enlightenment when out in nature, and how it drew them closer to the God they believed in. I'm not sure who my God is, but I do know I feel more open to spiritual things when I'm out there. My wife and I talked about this at length, seeing eye to eye on many things. Not once did the WT come up, the meetings, all the crap that conceals the true nature of spirituality. My point is, you CAN connect with her on that level, maybe not today, but eventually... if you keep communication open.
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Casper
and just dissapear
Oompa,
Would you have to disappear...? Could you maybe just buy the boat, explore the places you want to see for a few months and then come home...if you wanted to ? Things could be totally different for you when you returned.
I could leave right now. I only have about a dozen possibly great years left in life.......
I know in my world, when I would get stuck in a rut... that "NOTHING" would happen, until "I myself"...got the ball rolling...
Just grabbing at straws here....because I care...
Cas
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changeling
First of all. FYI, most people outside of our state don't know what an ABC store is. Where I used to live you could buy booze at Walmart. And in most other states they have a liquor store on every corner.
Now, oompa, you and I have been around and around on this subject before. My stand is the same. When it comes to needing medical help, your wife is right. You have issues with depression and alchohol. Going off on a boat will not solve these issues. In fact, you may sink deeper into them.
Get the medical help you need (if your current meds don't help, try others), gain some perspective and then see where you stand.
Ignoring your problems can only hurt you.
changeling (you know where to find me)
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oompa
Hope4: What you want, what she wants and if it can work or you are both willing to make it work. I think she needs to really listen to what you have learned to understand why you are where your at in this point in life. Not that she has to accept it but only that she can see why you are hurting. Is there a way to convince her of this.
Believe me, I have tried, and I think she thinks she understands why I am at this point in life. But she does not accept the reasons WHY my faith has died and does not want to investigate them personally. There is an opening on the local chamber of commerce golf club/tourney. I thought about taking it, but where will it lead? Even if I make a friend or friends with a couple...only I will get to spend time with them...she won't cause they are "worldly."
Thanks for the replies, pm's and calls. This sit down heart to heart with my wife this morning has only invalidated my depression....why shouldn't I need meds...I have a lot to be depressed about....btw was on like gajillion meds, now only cymbalta....switched from lithium because I really dont think I am bi-polar....I wish I was. I have not had the "high" part oa the "bi" part for far too long, just the "low" part.
I am also pretty sure after this morning my wife would leave if she talks to the elders about our conversation and they say "oompa is a spiritual danger to your faith."....................................................................oompa
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TopHat
Wait up oompa and I'll go with ya!
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Awakened at Gilead
Oompa,
Man, didn't mean to open up a can of worms.... But I think its a positive step to open up to our wives...
I am also pretty sure after this morning my wife would leave if she talks to the elders about our conversation and they say "oompa is a spiritual danger to your faith."....................................................................
Even if she talks to the elders, they are NOT authorized to ebcourage separation or even say that about a mate. I know as an ex-elder. That's a big no-no...
BTW, did the depression start as a result of leaving the JWs? Or did you suffer from it before?
And if you decide to go sailing, you don't have to go solo. You can invite some JWDers on board for a bit... And it doesn't mean you can't go back to your wife if you go away for a brief stint.
Here's to getting you started...
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Quirky1
Oompa,
Move over....I'm going with you.
Quirky1
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oompa
Awakened: Even if she talks to the elders, they are NOT authorized to ebcourage separation or even say that about a mate.
I know for a fact some elders do encourage this is she feels she is in a "spiritually dangerous enviornment." It may not be in the elder handbook, but even elders wifes can blut out this opinion. By the way, I have been sailing for over 30 years, and in many countires....oompa
