IVE GOT A FUNNY FEELING

by josephus 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  josephus

  I thought that would get your attention.

  I dont know if im being perverse here, but i seem to want one last confrontation with the jws.

  i am out a good while now. long enough to stop getting hellos on the street. and even though i know
  what those scumbags did to me before in thier meetings (old h20ers may remember) i still want to go at them again.

  i was so depressed about things i really thought about suicide. One night i held a razer to my wrist trying to will
  myself to do it.

  it was only because of a nice new docter who wouldnt let me leave the surgery and gave me prozac that im here today.

  those bastards lied again and again, one accused me of attempting to attack him, because i asked to speak to
  him outside.

  him and the co wrote letters pretending to be the whole body of elders , trying to get my brother dffd.

  at the meeting with them the co said they were rightous men and justified in getting at me.
  i can remember him making me shake hands with that asshole still.

  he ended up removed himself, so i guess im better off than most here. but now i really want blood.

  at a funeral last week the co was still there. he smiled at me and skook my hand, and even though hes about
  sevennty i wanted to scream at the bastard.

  i want to make them visit me and start it up again. i want to show them i dont give a fuck about them
  or thier bullshit organization.

  i want my mum to see who ive been dealing with all this time.

  i work alone and most of my day is spent thinking about this crap. i want to finish it.

  the question is why cant i forget.

  any thought on my ramblings would be appreciated

  thanks

  josephus
• 

  Pathofthorns

  The one thing I've learned is to just be patient. We all have our day.

  Path
• 

  HoChiMin

  josephus,

  I get angry also over the WT ways so I can understand how you feel. May I recommend saving your hostility in case they go on the offensive first. Why waste your energy, they won't listen to any thing you say anyway.

  Hope this helps.

  HCM
• 

  zerubberballz

  josephus,

  i can relate to what you say even though the sudden way i left watchtower world never left me with much personal anger.

  just a practical suggestion - I too work alone and for many years had a skylight manufacturing and installation round. One thing that helped me tremendously was having cups of tea in the homes of strangers. For years I spilled my guts about my weird life and listened to peoples personal stories. I soon went from the cult isolation of seeing people as basically bad to knowing them as, in the most part, well intentioned and honourable.

  Sounds to me like you need about 200 gallons of tea and a few cwt of biscuits with a thousand or so people .. one at a time. I hope the people you do work for offer you a brew now and then? If so say yes and talk about your life with strangers it's the most wonderful soul releasing thing for folk like us.

  warm regards, unclebruce, who's had grown men cry on his shoulders more than once.

  PS: It's the name 'josephus' that gets our attention ya noong!
• 

  Satanus

  Josephus

  I know your feeling, i think. Anger is a natural reaction when we are wronged. If you go at them, you still can't win, their programming is too strong. There must be another way to deal w the anger. Maybe people here have some suggestions about dealing with anger??
• 

  josephus

  unclebruce

  theres a name i know well.

  thank you bud. i predict an ecard in your future.

  cheers mate.

  neil
  ps

  hows the weather down there ?
• 

  zerubberballz

  the weathers fine josephus, australian weather is mostly fine, even when its raining ;)

  I suppose this place is similar to having a cuppa with strangers but there's nothing like the real thing. After a few years bleeting out my life story to everyone i met, i calmed down and stopped talking about religion and growing up in Adelaide .. kink capitol of the southern hemisphere.

  unclebruce

  PS: I think Simon banned unclebruce here (password won't work)
  [email protected]
• 

  moman

  Joe..........I had the privlege of talking to Ray Franz (X-Governing body member) a couple of times and he brought up a good point. I had been out of the (Borg) for about 6 months and waz still steaming. Ray said, "If you stay angry with them, then you are are still allowing them to effect your life in a negative way, and they win!
  Made me think, so now I just say F@#k & look foward enjoying my FREEDOM!
  hopes this helps
  -fastone-
• 

  Makena1

  Josephus - I too can relate to the anger. After our daughter's suicide, and the way we were treated by most (not all) of the elders and congregation - I would wake up angry, pound my fists on the wall in the shower, rehash things most of the day, and go home exhausted and frustrated. I thought this would go on forever - in actuality it lasted a little over a year, and is progressively getting better.

  Having the love and support of my wife, learning new things, exercise, hobbies, music and talking and meeting with others who have been through something similar have been a great help. Reading books on anger management, forgiveness and alternative spirituality helped too. We still periodically visit a counselor and get some positive suggestions and reinforcements.

  All this is good - but I still dream about punching out the lights of the PO and few others! :) Would not recommend following through in real life - have no desire to see the inside of a jail cell.

  Best wishes for a healthier and happier outlook - it WILL happen!

  Mak
• 

  jst2laws

  Makena1,
  I was going to quote the part of your post that affected me most and decided not to. I'm afraid of dwelling on suicide because there are so many other fragile people out there. But your comments caused some old feeling to surface and I was inclined to pound on some walls myself. Glad to here you are coping.

  Jst2laws