I think most of us will agree that after having gone through divorce - that many of us were gun shy before getting into another relationship. Some - are never able to. And that is fine for some people who feel they just can't go " there" anymore. That being said, there are some of us over the years who after divorcing, went through several relationships or marriages before finally getting it right some day. Finally finding "The right one " ! Some people settle for just what they can get in a prospective man or woman , because they feel twistedly that perhaps they don't " deserve " the best , or they have inferior feelings about themselves thinking- " it's the best I can do , so I'll overlook our differences , maybe he or she will change for me , or I can change him or her. " Well, sadly that rarely works. The old expression, " What you see- is what you get . " That is very true in relationships as well as other things in life.
If you see anger or abusiveness in a person before committing or marrying - 99 percent of the time it will still be there once you live together or commit to each other ! However the flip side of that coin is true as well ! That's the good news ! If you see good caring tendencies and observe how a person treats others before committing in marriage or living together - it gives you a pretty good idea of how they will treat others after you are together ! So, why settle on second or third best? Why not go for the gusto and find yourself someone who really gets you, values you, cares for you , and is looking out for your best interests? Then perhaps we can all avoid more needless heartbreaks down the road- if we pick wisely the first time ! Anyway- I learned the hard way too over the years - now I have the lady of my dreams, Mrs. Flipper and am totally happy. So what about you all ? Have you found that you were able to get the kind of relationship you wanted after learning the hard way too? Have you learned as well it is best not to just " settle " on anyone out there ? That for a relationship to really work - it needs to be the right type of person for you ? I look forward to your answers, experiences, and comments ! Peace out to all, Mr. Flipper
After Divorce- When Getting Into a New Relationship - Don't Just Settle !
by flipper 40 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
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flipper
Thought I'd bump this up if someone wanted to reply with experiences. Thanks, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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FlyingHighNow
I know I'm not planning on settling. I don't know very many people that don't get angry at least once in a while.
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flipper
FLYING HIGH NOW- I agree - any partner we have can and will get angry- that is certainly a given , and we have to expect that in any relationship . However the type of anger or abuse I was mentioning is chronic anger or emotional , or physical abuse we notice in potential partners at the onset of a relationship in early stages. That , I feel, is something to pay attention to before getting in too deep with someone
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AWAKE&WATCHING
what Flipper said
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FlyingHighNow
That , I feel, is something to pay attention to before getting in too deep with someone
What I love about being 49 is that I see through the bull caca so much more quickly. And someone who will neglect your needs is something else to look for. Someone who will take you for granted...not cool.
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flipper
AWAKE & WATCHING- Thanks for the props sis. It has seemed to be true from what I've experienced in previous relationships that if I saw abusive behavior in a partner early on - it would tend to not only remain as the relationship went on, but got worse after some years went by. The thing is - everybody puts their best foot forward early on in a relationship, but after the comfort level sets in the true self comes out when the guard gets let down by either party involved. So- you are right, good to be careful ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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flipper
FLYING HIGH NOW- I agree , someone who neglects our needs , or takes us for granted is totally not cool
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Hope4Others
Well I poured my guts out on your last marriage thread.
observe how a person treats others before committing in marriage or living together - it gives you a pretty good idea of how they will treat others after you are together
I think that this is important, it helps you to see how they get along with others. The most important I feel is to really see how they treat their parents that is the tell tale.
A person needs to feel good about themselves and happy in who they are as a person, if you do not know what you want out of life, your desires your hopes what can you bring
into a relationship. I think being happy inside attracts others to you, when you are not looking is the time you find someone it seems.
Cheers
hope4others