What Its Like To Be A Gay Ex JW....

str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up

I guess its time to throw my little story out there. I keep reading everyone’s stories and thinking how brave you have all been, coming out of the organisation and facing all the repercussions of doing so.

I only last August disassociated myself. I pinned an envelope with my letter to the elders on the noticeboard in the Kingdom Hall when noone was there, put my key in the letterbox of the hall, and drove off. I wasn’t going to let them disfellowship me! I was rejecting them, not the other way around. I guess I should go back and tell this properly.

See, I was both a Ministerial Servant and a regular pioneer. I had spent most of my life devoting myself to serving Jehovah. As much as I could. I did all of my pre study, never gave anyone any grief, answered up, studied with people, gave public talks, experiences at assemblies...all the ’good’ stuff. I was your ideal witness. However, from the age of 15 onwards I have known I was gay.

Some of you may still think that being a homosexual is a deviation, and you are entitled to that opinion. However, for me, and all of those who are homosexual out there, we know that is simply not true. We have the urge to be with the same sex woven as deeply into our DNA as does a heterosexual for the opposite sex. I struggled with those feelings for years. In order to distract myself from what I was certain was an unforgivable sin, I devoted even more of myself to the society and Jehovah. I was determined to cleanse myself of the terrible stain.

For years I was deeply depressed and would not sleep at night, because I would dream only of dying, in the most violent, terrible ways. I considered time and time again committing suicide. However about 18 months ago I decided enough was enough, and it was time to do something about it. I came to the realisation that ’if God existed’ and ’if he made me’ he made me with the urges and feelings I have. He made me the homosexual man I am. If he were to punish me for the way he made me, he was a God who was unworthy of my devotion.

So, I waited 6 months, long enough to be the best man at my younger brother’s wedding. Then I made the big split.

It was a hard road. The first few weeks fraught with recriminations and anger on behalf of my family (my two brothers, my two sisters, my two nephew, my niece and my mother and father all do not have ANY contact with me now). Then I moved away from where I was living and took up a new job, and am working for a publishing company in Sydney, Australia.

I adore my new life, but every so often, I really want to have the assuredness of knowing my Mum would stop and hug me if she saw me in the street. At this point, I do not think she would.

Something I have learned since I left what is the most devastating of religions is that Sin is a social construct. We human beings are not inherently evil, we are beautiful, loving creatures. We are not born sinners, and we should simply take responsibility for our actions with regards to other humans, not allow a religion or group of people decide what is right or wrong.

We have this one life to live, make the most of it.

I am now writing a novel, which i hope will be published by the company i work for. It details my experiences, but i have changed names and places, to make it fictional. I bear no ill will towards my family or ex JW friends, and do not wish to make it seem that I have a vendetta of any sort against the witnesses. I simply think it is a story that should be told.

Anyway, thats a condensed version of it all, I am so glad to see I am one in a sea of escapees who now see the world for what it is.

zeroday

Welcome to your new world Str8...I'm sorry to hear about your family but that's what mind control does to people...my journey ended after 28 years on the inside when I could no longer accept the hypocricy and DA'ed myself 4 years ago...I can only hope you can find a new rewarding life on the outside and a new purpose in life...I think you will not find many gay bashing here when you have spend almost your entire life being told what to think and how to think for me that was the first thing I let go of judging others compared to my lifestyle...your road will not be easy but here's wishing you "GOOD LUCK" (probably my favorite phrase since my exit)...

BFD

Welcome to JWD.

Your name made me laugh. Spaghetti is also hard until you heat it up then it goes limp. Kinda opposite for us.

Glad you got out. I got DF'd when I was still a teenager so never really had to hide my sexuality while jumping through the JW hoops. Sounds like a rough go. Sorry that your family shuns you now. My whole family except my mom left, too. She didn't shun me until 20 years after I was DF'd. I still don't know what made her dig her heels in.

Welcome.

BFD

aSphereisnotaCircle

Welcome str8? !

My ex JW hubby is gay. He tried all kinds of ways to "overcome" it but to no avail. If being gay is a choice, he never, never would have chosen it. He did not want to be that way.

At one point in our marraige, when he started coming out to me, I Looked up everything I could find about homosexuality in the societys lit. OMG, even as a die hard JW, I could see what a bunch of hogwash it was! In one article they basically used the trems homosexual and pedophile as though they had the same difinition.

This was one of the things that helped me see just how disfunctional and rediculous the dubs were.

Awakened at Gilead

This was one of the things that helped me see just how disfunctional and rediculous the dubs were.

How about their rule that hetero-porn is bad, but homo-porn is really-really bad...

What's the difference?

str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up

About three months ago my Dad did send me a letter, but only to say he needed to talk to me about my "Gender Anxieties" WTF dad? Gender Anxieties? I am not anxious that maybe I am a woman, I am sexually attracted to men...

Shows you how ridiculous the WTBTS is about homosexuality, they are too afraid to even use the term 'homosexual'...or perhaps he thought if he used that term, it took away from his masculinity.

digderidoo

Something I have learned since I left what is the most devastating of religions is that Sin is a social construct. We human beings are not inherently evil, we are beautiful, loving creatures. We are not born sinners, and we should simply take responsibility for our actions with regards to other humans, not allow a religion or group of people decide what is right or wrong.

We have this one life to live, make the most of it.

Well said. Yes, "we are beautiful, loving creatures". Welcome to the board.

Paul

Octarine Prince

Thank you for your brave post.

slmdf

Hi Str8! Welcome to JWD.

I have a similar experience, I came out and faced my sexuality (I too am gay) at the age of 35, after 11 years of marriage and being raised a JW. It was the best decision I've ever made. I was an elder, secretary, gave District Convention parts and on the HLC, so, like you, I was very involved. I am AMAZED at how refreshing it is NOT to be a JW anymore. I love my life and finally enjoy waking up every morning.

Congratulations on coming out and living the wonderful life we have. Make the best of it! I'd love to read your experience.

Take good care.

Dagney

Wow, great post! Welcome to the board; I look forward to more of your insightful posts.

It's bittersweet, the choice of being true to yourself or stay with the familiar. I applaud your decision, and wish you continued success in your life.

(Great name! )

What Its Like To Be A Gay Ex JW....

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