Sometimes I look back at my 27 years as a witness and am astounded by the amount of double speak that goes on in the organisation. God loves unconditionally, but only certain ’ones’, God is going to save the world from its downward spiral, but first of all he is going to destroy MILLIONS of EVIL people. It is all so fatalistic and unkind. I realise now my association was only extended as long as it was because I was so afraid of displeasing the Angry Bastard the JWs suggested we were worshipping. No wonder I have lost any shred of spirituality. At least for now.
Another interesting story I thought I should share, and I intend to put this in my novel (keep that in mind, as i wrote this piece, i was writing it for a non JW audience), is an experience from while I was still serving as a ministerial servant (which I was until the very day I disassociated myself):
Seared into memory is the day the elders of my Christian congregation took me out the back during one of the many meetings I attended as a Jehovah’s Witness.
Two unremarkable men in their late 40’s. Married. One with children, one without.
I had been confused at first; it was unusual to be taken out the back during a meeting. The two ‘Brothers’ – Bro. Jude and Bro. Mark – had summoned me as the meeting progressed. I stood, walking down the aisle behind Bro. Jude, as the other members of the congregation sat listening to the speaker. It was a public display. I was deeply embarrassed.
We sat down in the little room that was the library. The three of us: myself at one end of the table, they on either side. It was intimidating to say the least.
“Hi Rob, how have you been?”
Please. Let’s get the pleasantries over with.
“Uh, fine, you know, busy but good...”
I think my puzzled look and tentative reply helped shuffle proceedings along.
“We have you here for a reason, obviously Rob; we need to touch base with you.”
“It’s nothing to be overly concerned about”
Ah, a tag team effort. No good cop, bad cop? I remain silent.
“It’s just that some of the brothers and sisters in the congregation have been expressing some concern”
Really. In what way? I am already feeling the need to vomit. I am not sure if it is anger or fear that hits me first. All I know is I am uncomfortable. I want to walk out. I draw a puzzled expression to my face, and fight back the urge to throw up all over the table.
“You’re a naturally gifted speaker Rob, and we love having you speak at the meetings.”
“But concerns have come up about the tone of your voice, or rather the inflection your voice seems to have.”
“My tone?” - I am incredulous.
“Yes, your tone, your inflection. It has been raised that perhaps you sound a little like a homosexual when you speak.”
“Not always, but, there are concerns that sometimes you can come across as quite… effeminate.”
Ah. What?
“I’m sorry, did you bring me out here to tell me that you think I sound like a woman?” - I am careful to not have a crack in my voice as I speak, recognizing that this might lead to further discussions.
“Not so much so a woman, but an effeminate man”
“As you are a representative of Jehovah when you are speaking from the platform, we think it is inappropriate if you project the idea that you are homosexual”
“Not that we feel that way about you at all”
“But our brothers and sisters in the congregation are of utmost importance, we must not stumble them in such a way”
I am fighting back tears. I force myself to speak, controlling the emotion only just.
“Are you telling me, that because you feel I sound effeminate, that everyone in the audience is stumbled by my ‘homosexual tone’?” I do not wish to come across as aggressive, rather I want to appear calm. This may not be possible soon.
“Well, Rob, it’s not that. You must remember you are one member of a large organization. At no point would we want to be responsible for stumbling our brothers. Often our brothers think that where there is smoke, there is fire.”
I visualize spitting in their face. These are the men we are taught are ordained by God. Representatives of his organization within the congregation. The men we should look up to and want to imitate.
I know why this hurts so much. For so long I have fought all of my deepest urges, my strongest desires. I have convinced myself that it is deviant and wrong to feel the way I do about other men. And here, in plain view, they have decided it is their right to ‘out’ me. To identify me as something I refused myself.
“So, um, what are you proposing I do about this ‘tone’?”
“We can help you to identify words and areas that you tend to have a homosexual inflection.”
“We can help you to take on a deeper, more masculine tone to your voice”
Inside, I cower. Outwardly, I allow them to continue their ‘counsel’.
That was the night the nightmares began.
WHAT A LOVING, KIND, ACCEPTING ORGANISATION!! :-P
Something Else I Was Thinking About...
by str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up 36 Replies latest jw experiences
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str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up
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llbh
Hi Mr Sphagetti
Welcome to JWD.
This is mind control of the highest order, did they have nothing better to do - obviously not?
The views of the wtson homosexuality are like those of many religions awful and pernicious. Glad to hear you getting on with things
Enjoy your time here it is a good place to land after leaving the wts
David
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lisavegas420
,...holy shit. I think a good spit in the face is exactly what they needed. What a bunch of jerks. You voice/tone stumbled people..I'd want to know which people. Then I'd say their face stumbles me and they need a bag over it. I'm sooo sorry you ever had to deal with anything that unfriendly and cruel.
lisa
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DJK
I read a story very much like this one last year on this forum. Makes you wonder if the WTS sends out notices to elders to be on the lookout for this sort of thing.
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Priest73
What loving council... (vomit)
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Quirky1
That's messed up.
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Hope4Others
“Are you telling me, that because you feel I sound effeminate, that everyone in the audience is stumbled by my ‘homosexual tone’?” I do not wish to come across as aggressive, rather I want to appear calm. This may not be possible soon.
Wow, so now we have a body of profilers! I think the manner in which they pulled you to the back was extremely indiscreet, let alone the manner in which
they speak to you. Mannerisms and speech can mean diddly squat nothing among many people. Its all a guessing game but at least now you are free to
be who you are as a person.
Much happiness to you!
hope4others
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jamiebowers
They control how you act, even how you think...now they want to control how vou speak! You will find none of that here.
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Gregor
Wait a minute. Let's not be coy. Everyone understands that JWs condemn homosexuality. Homosexual speech patterns and mannerisms are accepted in the popular entertainment media as a standard way of identifying a homosexual character. It forms the core of untold numbers of jokes, sketches and plays that are not biased against homosexuality, but rather the opposite. La Cage aux Folles as an example. Since it seems that your mannerisms were becoming obvious in your public speaking then what's the big deal if it comes to the attention of the elders?
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Hope4Others
Homosexual speech patterns and mannerisms are accepted in the popular entertainment media as a standard way of identifying a homosexual character
True, but as a jw we do not normally attribute wrong ideas or things to our brothers. Despite how they seem in our minds eye, usually.
h40