again with the inlaws...assembly around the corner

4mylove

So the hubby and I are having a great evening at home. Phone rings. I can tell it's my MIL by the way he is talking to her. He says that he has to look at the dates. He explains that he will be out of town that week. (thank God!). He's going on a fishing trip up north.

They are calling because they are needing somewhere to stay, and because they would like him to join them. Evening ruined.

We were about to sit down to watch a great geeky show, I left him on the phone in the living room and started a bath.

He came in after a few minutes and asked very cautiously what was the matter. I reminded him how scary those phone calls are to me. Then the arguing began.

I brought up the fact that I don't like the fact that he has a brother that doesn't know if he's dead or alive. I hate the fact that when I first met your sister, she wouldn't even look at me, yet was already sleeping with her boyfriend and had to get married before us. I hated that the family doesn't seek out yet another brother because he is not practicing either.

I brought up the kid issue and that fact that I will not become pregnant in that lifestyle. He asked why, I proceeded with the list:

1. College. He responded that that isn't the belief. Sheeeeesh.

2. I will baptise or not babtise OUR child as WE please.

3. My child will not be shunned or learn to shun ANYBODY!

4. Couldn't bring up molestation, hurts too much

He rebutted that I had such a warped sense about things. That no one would tell him how to run his family. To which i replied....they already are.

For those that don't know, my hubby has been inactive about 6 years now. But as I've stated before my worst fear is that he may go back. My mother insists that she sees that he loves me and would never put anything before me, yet i live in fear.

Thanks again to all for listening.

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Hope4Others

Sorry that you have been going through a little of a difficult time. But out of sincerity I say this, When my husband and I were married in the early years, we

got a long great but there were times we had really bad arguments about family. It was never about us or anything either one of us did. It would be about

my mom, sister etc verses your mother did that, sisters, brothers back and forth. So as well as we did and do get along it was always about the interference

that caused any difficulty. So therefore my advise take it or leave it is this....Boundaries...You must agree that you do not agree on what family members say

and they are often a source of irritation. Your family and my family are off limits to discuss, let him deal with his family alone. Otherwise it will eat you up inside.

It will get better as the years pass regarding family and if you both stick to the rules. We both get a long well with the family now. When your young you have

your own family unit, your own idea's and relatives must respect that.

I hope that I have not offended you in anyway, just my 2 cents for what its worth.

Cheers,

hope4others

Bring_the_Light

That no one would tell him how to run his family.

Ask him to write that down in front of a notary, and keep it in a safe place, just in case.

We can offer him a free lifetime membership in JWD, if you think that would be helpful.

Bring_the_Light

StAnn

4MyLove, My sister had left the JWs (become inactive, not DFd) and was living a totally worldly life. She married a man she worked with. Then the kids came. She got into a panic about them dying at Armageddon and (drum roll) went back to the meetings. She found someone to study with my BIL and know they're both JWs, along with all five of their kids.

You are right to fear what might happen if you have children.

Anyway your hubby can make a firm and final break with the WTS?

momzcrazy

Why is he inactive? Maybe he needs to remember why he stopped doing the things he is, in a round about way, defending. His family will never give up trying to get him to come back. My MIL was giving me articles for my husband to read just last year. He's been out 9 years. I know you've probably tried, but it would be good to ask him clearly what he is planning as regards going back.

I agree with hope4others. Set boundries as regards to family. It is tough enough beginning a new life together without in-laws on both sides interfering.

Hopefully they aren't staying with you, even though your husband will be gone! That's why god made hotels!

momz

4mylove

Hope 4 others,

Thanks for the help. Problem is, I shit you not that this is the only issue we have. Hell, we've been dirt broke, I mean not a penny, and no issues, just sit back, laugh and wait.

I know where you're coming from but we are in our 30's not 20's, and both been in relationships before. Thanks for the support though, every little bit counts.

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4mylove

StAnn,

My hubby comes from a tiny tiny town. When he moved to "the big city" I think his eyes were opened to a totally different world. He's basically been inactive since then. I'm hoping that having been inactive for 6 years now is a good sign.

My mother tells me that even if he has doubts, he probably wouldn't discuss them with anyone due to fear.

I love this man with all that I am because I'm so proud of the person he has become.

I am just very leary of any activity or association with these devils because I think he is still a believer. I've tried to explain to people that to him and others, it's like trying to convince a child that their parent is bad and evil. It is all they know and love, to see it any different is extremely difficult.

I'll just have to wait and see what the next course in this life is....

thanks!

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4mylove

Momz,

They probably will be staying with me. Luckily my hubby will be on fishing trip of a lifetime!

Don't get me wrong, I do love these people and wish there was and a.b.c way of having them see that the "light" they seek has been on forever, just not where they are looking.

When i had jw friends growing up, i didn't have a true grasp of the cult mentality. I guess you don't truly until you experience it first hand. When I've told my mom about stuff i read on the site, she is floored (love that little Italian). Luckily i have a great family that supports me AND him.

He has told me that he would like to go back...............eventually. I think what holds him back is that I'm not one to hold my tongue most of the time, and knows that things WOULD be different.

I feel for my husband because I know this must hurt. I want him to change for him, NOT ME. If I have learned anything from this board it's that HE has to make the decision to seek answers. I can help by being a resource to info and this site, but not until it's ready. I've said it time and time again, my marriage is worth it. I see it that it's basically like my hubby has a sickness that i would love to help him heal from.

This place is loving and supportive. One day I hope to introduce him to you all, but only when he is ready.

Thanks to all

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Hortensia

gosh what a pickle! It must be really sad to have this big road block to an otherwise nice relationship. No advice to offer, just sympathy.

nameless_one

Hi 4mylove, your situation hits home with me because I am in a very similar situation myself; my JW hasn't been inactive for as long as yours has, but I understand exactly what you mean about the constant fear that he'll jump back in full-force some day. I think you're very right that he has to make the decision himself, and WANT to know the truth about "the truth," and will only ever get fully out if it comes from his own heart. In my case, my JW doesn't like the harsh and rigid "lifestyle" of being active, but he does pretty much believe in the organization and the things it teaches, and that is terrifying because it feels like a ticking time bomb that could go off at any moment. In my own personal case, I'm of the belief that the only way I'll ultimately succeed in freeing my JW is if he comes to see and understand the tactics behind the WTS -- basically, brainwashing and indoctrination. Discussing doctrine or flip-flops or twisted scriptures has gotten me exactly nowhere, because it's like there's a mental disconnect that kicks in and somehow allows him to ignore, or discount, or be unable to see, the most blatant evidence. But it's my feeling that if we can get to a point where he starts to understand WHY his brain is processing things in that way, that could open the floodgates and lead to a full and permanent exit. A long long LONG road, to be sure.

I know how you feel and how frightening it is to know in your heart that this wicked organization could swallow him back up at any time, with him a willing participant. I don't have any answers for you, but did want to post that you're not alone and there are others who feel your pain. I wish you luck :-)

again with the inlaws...assembly around the corner

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