You count 10 hours per month but havn't even mentioned your beliefs to a non-dub in years.
You underline your study articles at random and write fake notes in the margins.
You smoke joints to get through meetings, field service and assemblies.
You're secretly banging an Elder's wife.
You stuff Monopoly money in the contribution box.
You keep your eyes open during prayer and giggle.
When everyone else says "Amen" at the end of a prayer, you whisper "what bullshit."
You have a copy of Crisis of Conscience in a box buried in your back yard.
You play with an ouija board and watch smurf cartoons when no one is around.
You think "Thriller" was the great music video ever made.
You read comic books in the Kingdom Hall bathroom during meetings. When questioned about your long time spent in the bathroom, you whisper "I'm constipated. I've been constipated my whole life."
You only volunteer for work at assemblies that keep you out of your seat during the talks.
You NEVER hang out with other JW kids at school unless you are banging them.
You've been to at least one Judicial Committee and lied so well they made you a Ministerial Servant!
You put all your porn video in Watchtower video jackets.
You draw Pentagrams on study article pages.
You cannot sing "From House to House" without throwing up, so you don't.
You never missed drawing a moustache and glasses on the picture of the featured dub in the Watchtower "Life Story" articles. Never.
If a teenager, you are obsessed with drawing pictures of your Kingdom Hall being blown up by an atom bomb. You also draw gory pictures of your elders and CO being dismembered with a chain saw.
You hide you cigarettes in your socks.
You despise the attention the pretty, single, faithful pioneer sister is always getting, so you put a handful of condoms in her purse and whisper to an elder that you thought you saw a pack of cigarettes in there.
If you answered "yes" to at least two of these questions you may not yet be a Closet Apostate Weenie, but you are on your way!
Farkel