How do you tell somebody that they do something that is socially awkward...

DanTheMan

...and annoying?

My sister, who I am close with, has a tendency to talk and laugh at very high, at times even piercing volumes when she is in social situations where there is more than say, four or five people present. It's like, her volume increases exponentially with every person that you add to the mix. Last night I was out to eat with her and about seven other people at a small restaurant and she was talking and laughing so freaking loud that it had to have been distracting to the workers and other people eating there - I noticed people at other tables and even at our own looking over at her and grimacing. And her talking and laughing is this constant nervous, sometimes wince-inducing chatter, which makes it even more awkward. It would be one thing if she was very witty or a very interesting conversationalist but, well, er, she's not!

She is always lamenting her stalled career and her teenaged son that is totally embarrassed of her, and I hate to say it but neither situation is a mystery to me at all! She's a good-hearted gal but she just tries way way WAY too hard and I don't know how to tell her this!

I don't think she realizes these tendencies at all. My sister is like me where she wants so badly for everyone to like her that it works against her. She would be so much more likeable if she would just relax a little.

Hope4Others

I don't know Dan, I think saying anything would hurt her deeply.

h4o

changeling

Make an appointment with a "life coach". Ask your sister to come along "for the fun of it". Be casual about it. Maybe you can both gain some insight from an independant source that would help you in lives.

changeling :)

StAnn

Dan, I can be rather off-putting at times. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I do. I did not realize this until my husband filmed a family gathering and I watched it later. I was crushed to see how harshly I spoke to my son. In my mind, I wasn't angry or anything, so I was surprised that the way things sounded when they came out of my mouth was different than how I had them in my mind.

Take your cell phone or a camera and film your sister, with audio. Figure out some subterfuge. Then let her watch it later. Don't say anything to her. Just let her see for herself.

It certainly helped me.

ninja

have you considered killing her?

belbab

If the situation occurs again, take a tape recorder with you, and then play it back to her later.

On our local news broadcast (Vancouver, BC) we have an excellent woman newscaster. However, for a long time, she would have this horrible horse laugh that sent shivers down my spine.

Someone must have told her, because she still laughs quite often, but it is more appropriate laughter now.

belbab

DanTheMan

H4O: I don't know Dan, I think saying anything would hurt her deeply.

You are right there. If I were ever to bring it up at all, I would have to be so careful.

changeling: Make an appointment with a "life coach". Ask your sister to come along "for the fun of it". Be casual about it. Maybe you can both gain some insight from an independant source that would help you in lives.

I'm not sure how I'd be able to work in the nervous-high-volume-talking-and-laughing issues were I to do this.

StAnn: I did not realize this until my husband filmed a family gathering and I watched it later. I was crushed to see how harshly I spoke to my son. In my mind, I wasn't angry or anything, so I was surprised that the way things sounded when they came out of my mouth was different than how I had them in my mind.

You hit it on the head - sometimes we just don't realize how we come off to people. I've had some very painful realizations, even in recent years, but the net effect is that these realizations raised my awareness levels and I'm better for it. I think my sister could use the same but I'm thinking that it will probably have to come through different channels than me unless I want to risk losing my relationship with her.

ninja: have you considered killing her?

No, should I?

Balsam

When I was a teenager I had a good friend who always laughed in a really loud horrible way that put everyones nerves on edge. One day I taped her when we just talking for about 45 min without her knowing it. Well Later I pretended like I had discovered it has recorded our converation and said lets listen back to it. She was horrified when she heard herself as other's heard her. She was shocked and upset that she could sound like that. It helped her to pay attention, she would do the same thing get louder and louder the more people she was around. That helped cure her of the loud talking and laughing when finally heard what other people heard when she talked.

flipper

DAN- Perhaps you can take your sister aside privately and explain to her in a kind way that her volume is really distressing to other people's peace. Just tell her you are saying this for her own good - as you noticed people snickering and shaking their heads at her. Let her know you care about her- approach it from that angle

ninja

ninja: have you considered killing her?

No, should I?

on reflection ...maybe not...the funeral will be all about her....just playing her game

How do you tell somebody that they do something that is socially awkward...

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