How do you tell somebody that they do something that is socially awkward...

by DanTheMan 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  DanTheMan

  belbab: if the situation occurs again, take a tape recorder with you, and then play it back to her later.

  Hmm...my cell phone could come in handy here. But the problem is, how do i segue into playing it back to her, lol.

  balsam: She was shocked and upset that she could sound like that. It helped her to pay attention, she would do the same thing get louder and louder the more people she was around. That helped cure her of the loud talking and laughing when finally heard what other people heard when she talked.

  Cool that you were able to do that - I'm sure she benefited greatly from the experience, however painful it was at the time.

  flipper: DAN- Perhaps you can take your sister aside privately and explain to her in a kind way that her volume is really distressing to other people's peace.

  Yeah, I'd like to do this but again, it would be a real highwire act and I'm not sure I'm up to the task.

  ninja: the funeral will be all about her....just playing her game

  huh?
• 

  White Dove

  If she is anything like my mother, there is no hope. She actually sounds just like her.
• 

  White Dove

  Ninja's just joking. But you knew that.
• 

  bigmouth

  Dan, this probably wont be helpful but it's just my thought. BTW, I've got a wife and kids that can be what I call 'socially naive'.
  
  I think this lack of awareness comes from being protected throughout formative years from name calling and bullying.
  
  Kids are usually pretty good at hammering someone whose laugh, speech, looks differ markedly from others. If these kids have really neat friends who never leg-pull or tease them about some socially annoying behaviour, then these kids grow up blissfully unaware of how annoying it can be to others not so kindly disposed.
  
  In my experience, it seems to be mostly women who fall into this socially naive category because of the feminine culture of nurture and protection and the dis-inclination to tell their friends 'how it is'.
  
  Unlike men who can be blunt with friends and still stay mates.
  
  I don't know how you can tell a woman and not have her hate you for the rest of your life ! LOL
• 

  DanTheMan

  If she is anything like my mother, there is no hope. She actually sounds just like her.

  Some people are loud and extremely talkative, they know it, and it's just part of their persona. With my sister, I think it's nerves and insecurity, not persona.

  Well, I've gotten some good advice here and by PM, and it's been good to talk about this and to reflect on how I'd like to handle the situation. Thanks everybody.
• 

  LoverOfTruth

  I don't think she realizes these tendencies at all. My sister is like me where she wants so badly for everyone to like her that it works against her. She would be so much more likeable if she would just relax a little.

  You mention your sister is like you. With that said, I suggest you use your own experiences to express show you occasionally become annoying to others (and give examples). This is extremely common behavior with those of us who suffer from insecurity.

  You might mention how you have to keep a check on yourself but it's tough without oustide, loving guidance from others. ASK HER TO HELP YOU. I'm certain she will begin to recognize these behaviors in herself and you will grow together.
• 

  Hortensia

  you tell her privately and kindly. Or, you videotape a gathering, in a low key way that doesn't draw anyone's attention, and show it to her later. She might be embarrassed, but get the point.
• 

  JimmyPage

  Just tell her she's being too loud and she needs to pipe down.
• 

  sass_my_frass

  Yeah you can't really tell her; it's better that she just sees it for herself, and doesn't know that she was meant to. It might take a bit of work on your part to get her comfortable with a camera around, but you might have to.

  Stuff like that, it can't be said by somebody who wants to stay in contact.