How do you handle ... being shunned?

by Awakened at Gilead 58 Replies latest jw experiences

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  MARTINLEYSHON

  A & G

  I was touched by your post, and have not for some time responded to anything on this site. However I felt compelled to respond to your question. It is going to be difficult for you, especially with former close friends and family. There is not going to be an easy answer to this. Remember you have been induced in the truth some time.

  My only advice is learn to live with it, suck it up - as they say in the US.

  You will go through a lot of emotion for the next few years. Positve and negative. But remember you are better than everyone of them, because you are no longer enslaved to their way of thinking, you are a free spirit to think and analise matters for yourself. They are the sad ones, 60% of them would love to do what you have done, but they are scarred stiff, just look at this site alone, half of the lurkers are scarrrrrrrrred to give thier real names, I find it all very very sad really.

  But there you go, and good luck to you.
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  Awakened at Gilead

  ML:just look at this site alone, half of the lurkers are scarrrrrrrrred to give thier real names, I find it all very very sad really.

  It's true, it's sad that people have to hide, but that is generally not the poster's fault... the fault lies with the WTS and its stupid shunning policy. People may be genuinely scared to lose relatives and friends, so they feel forced to live a double life in a sense.

  This is not to say that some may benefit by going public with their decision. I had no way of knowing how my family would respopnd until I told them. I am very pleasantly surprised that my relationship with my mother has improved. Others in my situation may have clammed up. But I for one was tired of keeping secrets as a JW, so I decided to speak my mind freely, which is the privilege of liberated exJWs.

  I wouldn't criticize these lurrrrkers... you don't have your picture up yourself. And they may have valid motives for not using their real name. Using your real name has risks anyway, in the age of ID theft.. be careful.

  Thanks for posting... 1st time I see your posts. You should be less of a lurrrrker, and more a=of a posssster.
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  garybuss

  "How do you handle ... being shunned?"
  
  What's to handle? I grieved the loss that wasn't really a loss and now I enjoy it. I'm not shunned by anyone important to me. If they were important, they sure as heck aren't important any more if they shun me.
  
  The shunning practice is a good inventory. It's a good way to see who I want to be around and who I don't. With the Witnesses and their bad behaviors, I have a one strike and you're out forever policy. Once a dog bites me, I never go back in that yard again.
  
  
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  ozziepost

  Do you say "Hi how are you" in a friendly voice when they call your home? Do you visit sick JW friends or relatives in the hospital, and thus "turn the other cheek" and "heap fiery coals on their heads"?

  Yep. Over many years now, Mrs Ozzie and I have adopted the view that 'they' may have DF us but we haven't DF 'them' !

  For a while, it seemed that maybe it wasn't the right course since it only hurt all the more but these days we've seen it was the best policy. Nowadays relationships are much better - they've seen that we do 'mean it' (leaving the WT and attending churches) and that if they're to have company with us, it'll be on our terms, not theirs.

  We grieve that our family are still blinded by the evil of the cult known as JWs but otherwise, things are fine. Why, I'm not even much interested in the Borg any more!
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  Honesty

  It is the best True Friend Filter I have ever used.
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  jwfacts

  You are approaching the situation in a very intelligent manner, and as long as you do not make waves your family should continue to have some form of contact with you.
  
  I was very upset at first when people openly shunned me. I have people literally flee from my presence in shops etc. But I have a several JW friends that cordially greet me when they bump into me, and some that actively still associate with me. Over time, I have moved on, made new friends, and think less and less about the friends that meant a lot to me that I no longer see.
  
  Family shunning upsets me the most, but most of my family have at least some limited contact. What has been encouraging is some family members have left since I did, which creates a great support group.
  
  Eventually, you will find you are not angry but sad for your JW family and friends, and then you will not find shunning to be so difficult to accept.
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  Hortensia

  I think it's pretty funny. I seldom run across any JWs I knew when I was growing up, as I live in a different city now. but now and then our paths cross. I am very amused by their confusion and consternation - "here's this woman we used to like, she was never disfellowshipped or disassociated, but she's bad association and we can't be nice to her." Oh my god oh my god oh my god, whatever shall we do?
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  MARTINLEYSHON

  A & G

  I see your point over this one. All I am trying to say is that I personally find it quite frustrating that people on this website will not stand tall for their believes. When I left the Org, I left everything behind, 30 years of friends and family..

  I do not consider myself a wicked person, in fact if the Elders were to judge me today, they would not find any grounds to DS me.

  ML.
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  flipper

  AWAKENED at GILEAD- I agree with JW FACTS , that the longer you are out instead of feeling anger towards those that shun you ; you just see how pathetically deceived they are, and feel sorry they are " mind controlled " like that.
  
  As I am not disfellowshipped , still I am treated by some members of my family like I am. My younger daughter does not call me , my older daughter only calls occasionally. Yet My witness parents treat me fine , as does an older sister. I just treat most of them authentically like normal relatives .
  
  I handle it fine ; what are you gonna do ? I figure the witness relatives that really understand and respect my position will just accept me for who I am . If other relatives don't , it can't be helped. I won't force myself on them. But I have nothing to be ashamed of ; and won't go quietly into the night either . That's why recently I sent pictures of myself, my wife and my 23 year old son to lots of relatives. Just to be courteous; whether they are or not. Gonna set a good example of a fading ex-witness relative ! LOL! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  BFD

  I see your point over this one. All I am trying to say is that I personally find it quite frustrating that people on this website will not stand tall for their believes. When I left the Org, I left everything behind, 30 years of friends and family..

  I hear you Marty. Everyone takes a differrent path out. I always think that if every fader stood up all at the same time they could trump the GB. I wish it were that easy.

  A@G, the firat time I experienced shunning I was a teenager and it is one of those memories that are buurned into my brain. I was at a laundry-mat doing my laundry and Sister H came in. She was an old schooler and her son, Paul, was kinda the spiritual haed in my family since my mom was burdened witha UBM. Know what I mean? Paul did our family study and took us out in service. The whole 9 yards.

  Sister H knew me from the tiime I was a little boy and when she acted as if I were not even there, it hurt me deeply. I'll never forget it. This sweet old lady standing there staring into space, ignoring me as I tried to greet her. I'll never forget that moment. I'm sure she is long dead now but, I will still always love her.

  BFD