Hi A&G. I think that since you have no control over others and their actions forget them. You only have control over yourself, and what kind of person you want to be. So I say be kind and treat them like any body else. Walk tall, smile, let your eyes shine, but let your actions be for you. Not exactly Zen, probably a bit crzy, oh well. Are congratulations in order?
How do you handle ... being shunned?
by Awakened at Gilead 58 Replies latest jw experiences
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WTWizard
If the witlesses shun me, it means they cannot continue polluting me with their bogus doctrines, nor can they continually set me up to act as one of them and thus set me up for failure (they will have to go behind my back, and I am not telling them where to go without lying to them--theocratic warfare works both ways). And it will make it that much harder for them to ever get me into the Value Destroyer Training School.
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shell69
Just after DA'd I was in the loacl supermarket with my daughter and walked past a dub family I had known all my life. I swear they walked a 'semi-cirlce' around me... maybe they thought I was infectious or somthing!
My teenage daughter birst out laughing, she though their behaviour was pathetic!
Honestly, they don't bother me, and I feel sorry for them, that theyre so brainwashed.
The shunning from my mother, thats slightly more complicated. I know her faith is really important to her, and I would never try to change that, I respect that this is how she feels and that the religion is what she believes, but to abandon your daughter and grandchildren, sell up and move house without even saying goodbye, well that has made me one angry person.
I love my mother, I always will, but what she has done is unforgivable, and there is no going back from that choice she made. I wan't ever let her hurt my children or myself like that again.
Shell
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Mysterious
A lot of them I could never really seem to stand so I'm quite glad if they ignore me. My looks have changed a lot though since I left so some probably don't even recognize me anymore. I don't really want to talk to them anyway so I just avoid them. It helps I don't live in the same town anymore either.
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sass_my_frass
I don't think that you're talking about what to 'do', more how to handle what they do, right? Because as far as I know, none of us are doing the shunning. In the long term I have taken the view that I am not likely to see any of them again, so I'm erasing them from my memory and rebuilding the story of my personal history without them in it. This is fun anytime somebody decides to get in touch again, because it fills a big gap in the memory. But I generally don't restart a relationship with them; it's hard to trust them again after being treated that way, and I kind of can't be bothered.
I didn't ever have the 'last conversation' with them, I think think they're of the impression that I will try to get reinstated eventually, I'm just too lazy or stubborn to right now. I don't actually care what they think, because of the way they treat my beloved husband and I. I haven't missed them for a long time, I'm just not over the trauma yet.
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bluesbreaker59
I don't "handle it"... These jackasses, that have known me since I was a baby, that no longer speak, my own father that raised me won't speak, his family also won't speak. But my cousin and I are "breaking the cycle" of Dubs, because our (future) children WILL NOT, be Dubs, and they won't be exposed to that hateful cult. They will have a NORMAL upbringing of birthdays,holidays, parties, prom, sports, college, etc.
I avoid witnesses like the plague. If I know they are around, I'm not. But I usually don't see them. They are so private and cult-ish, the only times I see them are at the grocery store, and even that is really rare.
I am the same exact person now as I was when I left the Borg, and that's what really frustrates them. I do the same things, I have the same job, and go to the same places. I just decided that I no longer wanted to "play the game", of hiding certain things from elders, like going to bars, watching R movies, thinking for myself, hanging out with NORMAL people, going to half of the meetings, etc. They all knew I was doing it as a Dub, but once I sent a letter to the elders confirming my sexual relationship, and stating that I wanted no part of the church, then all of a sudden I was an outcast. Nevermind that all the young, dating teenage Dubs are screwing too... Every young couple I knew were having sex or doing some "act of pornea".
The Borg is full of hypocrites and liars, or as they call themselves, "imperfect people".... If they DF'd everyone that is doing acts of pornea (and hiding it) tomorrow, then I'd guess their membership would be cut by 25% or more.
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justhuman
I got used to it. I talk to any one I see on the street, smile to them. Some they respond and some they pretend I'm not there. Same with relatives...I keep my life the way it is and I don't care if they shunn me or not
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Casper
I discussed this aspect of leaving the JWs with my therapist, years ago...
She told me that when I allowed others to make me feel inferior, I was giving my power away to them. She told me to take my power back and stand tall, I had every right to be on this planet the same as all other humans.
May not work for everyone, but it did help me.
Cas
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Awakened at Gilead
She told me that when I allowed others to make me feel inferior, I was giving my power away to them. She told me to take my power back and stand tall, I had every right to be on this planet the same as all other humans.
That's a good oint Cas, I think we should use shunning for its empowering possibilities. They're the ones that reject us, we don't reject them. They're the ones that scurry away like scared mice when they find out we are XJWs... They're the ones that can't tolerate a converstaion even aboout a non_JW subject since they are scared we will contaminate them...
So they are the ones with issues... not us.
Yesterday I went to a meetup group (not a XJW group), and I mentioned that I am a recent XJW. I told some of the people there about how JWs practice shunning, and how I have to start making friends from scratch. Needless to say, they were shocked. Even if they might have listened tolerantly to JWs before, I don't think they will again, lol.
That's an empowering feeling!
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Witness 007
I think positve.....I ......AM ACTUALLY SHUNNING THEM!!!