Assembly coming up- Still not talking to family but I will see them....

by cognac 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  cognac

  I don't know what to do or what to say when I see them. I actually did talk briefly with my Dad last week but still not talking to my mom or sister.

  Should I try to break the ice now or then or what? Should I just not break the ice and let it be awkward? I don't know what to say at all. I don't mind talking to my mom but I really can't stand my sister. She's horrible but I don't want things to be I don't know how to handle this at all.

  For those that don't know my story, they ratted me out to the elders because they felt I had apostate thinking or whatever crap. I got out of it w/ out getting d'f but then got really mad at them. Haven't spoken to them since (except Dad). My sister was especially horrible to me trying to turn my husband against me...

  Let me just add that I really, really can't stand my sister. I really, really don't want to apologize to her at all whatsoever but I don't really know what to do...
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  lrkr

  My 2 cents- They will be feeling the stress too and will feel moved to make the first step (somehow expressing affection for you). Most people cant stand the stress of a tense moment for very long. Let the moment last and they will come to you.

  When they do, you can accept it but make sure that you let them know how they made you feel. ("It made me feel angry when you tried to come between my husband and I" "It made me feel betrayed when you immediately went to the elders about a private conversation." "It made me depressed to think that our entire relationship is about our interpretation of a 2000 year old book.")

  Things always work better when you talk about your feelings. Then, they don't feel "accused" but they get the point.
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  Robert7

  Hello Cognac! I was wondering how you were doing since you're normally a heavy poster, and I can relate so much to what you're going through.
  
  I say take the high road. Talk to them and be pleasant. Don't feed on any 'typical apostate' behavior. They are your family and you love them, and they are just acting the way they were programmed.
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  cognac

  It's like, why haven't they called to apologize? They asked my husband a few times when I'M GOING TO CALL ... What the heck??? They said they felt bad about it, so why the hell haven't they said that they were sorry???

  That's like going up to some to somebody, punching them in the face and then wondering why they haven't called? What the heck do they expect???

  I'm even madder that they have not apologized. It's hard to go to the assembly and ignore them.

  Plus, they all sit together. I'd be just about the only one sitting without the family. I'd be the outcast and they were the ones who did something wrong, not me...
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  nelly136

  if i had no choice but go to an assembly, i'd prolly wave to a few pepes from a distance to get myself seen, if anyone asked where i was sitting point nonchalontly at an opposite stand or side.........be out n down the road to the local cinema to watch a good film, into town to do a bit of shoppin or down the pub.
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  asilentone

  nelly, thats a good idea!
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  lola28

  Your family did what they did not out of vindictiveness but out of a misguided sense of love. You have to look at your situation clearly, they are worried about you that’s why they talked to the elders, if they hated you they wouldn’t give a damn if you got DFed or if you DA’ed. Stop acting like a child, if you want to have a good relationship with them or even a civil one make the first move or stop complaining.
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  cognac

  I wasn't trying to act like a child, however, I needed time to clear my mind and also let them know that there behavior would not be tolorated.

  I just assumed they would call to apologize but now that they haven't I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle it.

  Well, maybe I'm acting like a child, I don't know. I just don't know what to actually say when I do talk to them...
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  Awakened at Gilead

  Cog,

  In my case I have taken the initiative to speak to my family, rather than waiting for them to call me. Of course, my situation is different since my DA was announced last week. But my family is still speaking to me, and I have called them on this and insisted that they do since they have no Biblical reason to shun me.

  If you are staying in then you may have to tone your posture down. But I would suggest that you show that you are above their criticism. Just tell them that you appreciate them, but that you are going through some personal matters that you don't want to talk about. Its your concience, which is none of their business. But they are still family. I liked what Robert said above...

  A@G
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  Finally-Free

  So, they rat you out to the elders, thus proving that their organization is more important to them than you are - and it's up to you to call them and apologize? What for? Because you are exercising your constitutional right to freedom of religion? Because you are exercising your right to choose your own life's course? Because you won't allow others to police your thoughts?

  You are not hurting anyone. They are.

  By their actions, they have let you know where you stand with them. They've shown they have little respect for you. Give in, and they'll respect you even less.

  Some people may consider me a little hardassed, but my philosophy is, "accept me for who I am or get the f*ck out of my life".

  W