DA or not DA or continue slipping away ? (page 3)

JT

consider this info:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=5574&site=3#66584

thanks

email me if you like

James

JT

notice how this bro did it

this is the BEST EXAMPLE I KNOW OF

JAMES

http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm

DA yourself= stand up for yourself and sever any control they may have over you, making a stand for your own self-worth and sending a blistering message to others who have secretly been on the fence, this is especially effective if you were an exemplary witness.

slip away= be cowardly...you are so intimidated by the elders and what they can do to you that you slip into the shadows and run away, hoping and praying that they don't someday show up for a sheperding call, and all the while you have to compromize your true feelings by just nodding and smiling when JW relatives tell you about how wonderful the last assembly was.

I DA myself and made a stand.

Prisca

Slipping away is not cowardly, it is being strategic.

By refusing to play their game, you are basically doing 2 things:

1) Thumbing your nose at their rules and regulations, which are non-scriptural anyway. I didn't sign a piece of paper to join them, neither will I sign anything to leave them.

2) Allowing your JW friends and relatives to talk to you, enabling you to retain your relationships with them, and hence, having a chance to help them leave the Borg too.

I was considering DA'ing myself, but for the above reasons I won't.

Thirdson

I'm in favor of slipping away. Not that there isn't anything wrong with making the DA statement if that's how you feel. However, having "fallen away", as one friend wrote recently as the term used by his family about me, I get to stay on good terms with my JDub family. Not that DF'ing me or investigating me to say I am DA'ed is going to have much affect with me since I have no contact with local Witnesses. I wouldn't tell anyone that such an event was announced locally and, unless the Watchtower Society has a record on me in both the UK and USA and cross-reference their databases with a unique ID number for me, who cares? (Not that I believe the WTS keeps records other than they have a record in the UK of a certain publisher baptized in 1975 who served as an elder 1991-94.)

Anyway, I'd fight any attempt to instigate judicial action against me. Plus, I wouldn't play by the WTS's rules since I don't recognize any WTS authority over me. (WTS or CGJW)

Thirdson

'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'

bboyneko

1) Thumbing your nose at their rules and regulations, which are non-scriptural anyway. I didn't sign a piece of paper to join them, neither will I sign anything to leave them.
2) Allowing your JW friends and relatives to talk to you, enabling you to retain your relationships with them, and hence, having a chance to help them leave the Borg too.

It's sad how people feel that conditional relationship is a real relationship. Blood means nothing in the end. I'd prefer a true friend who helps me unconditionally than a mother who refuses to speak to me because I do not beleive in the same god as her. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. Slipping away is not 'thumbing your nose at their rules' but rather PLAYING INTO THEIR RULES. They are intimidating you into making any stand. They are intimidating you by holding your family hostage. They still have power over you. They don't want you to speak. They don;t want you to make a stir and show that you are finally free. They want you to shut up. Only by DA do you SEVER ALL TIES with the Jehovah's Witnesses and then they no longer have anything to do with your life. If you friends are hurt by this and refuse to speak to you..too bad! Conditional friends are not real friends. If your family stops talking to you, screw them! That's not a very healthy family relationship either, its terrible for you mentally.

You have a girlfriend..you hate her..theres no more love..but instead of being a man and severing the relationship you string her along because you dont want to hurt her.

The bottom line here is its unhealthy to leave this thing festering and unconfronted. To recover you can't just string along your family and 'friends' allowing them to beleive you still are into their bull#$@%. The ones who are helpable are the ones who already have doubts anyway. The super-brain washed JW's close their mind and hearts to any message that is critical of the JW. The rebelious ones will speak to you even if you are DA, that is what happened with me.

I understand the personal choice to remain a 'spy' but like the bible says, remove the rafter from your eye before removing the splinter in anothers eye. You need to recover and take care of yourself mentally first before going in and helping others. Recovering from a cult is no easy matter, the scars will remain your entire life. How can you help someone who is bleeding to death when you have a knife in your back?

When I DA myself I lost all my JW friends except one, who still spoke to me rebelliously. My brother wont speak to me, and neither will his fiance. My little brother still does, and so does my mom. My father I refuse to talk to because of his long history of verbally and physically abusing me and my mom. I would be a mental nutcase if I had remained, andhave to sit through the brainwahsing and read the repetitve 3rd grade level literature.Be true to yourself and live YOUR life.

I think staying in as a 'fade' only slows your recovery and does imeasurable harm to your mental health. It's like a wife staying in an abusive relationship in hopes that she might get her husband to see the light and stop beating the shit out of her. The wife in thise case needs to get out and recover from the abuse before she can ever hope to help her abusive husband. She has to remove all control he has over her.

my 2¢.

Marilyn

Don't DA yourself! But don't expect to slip away unscathed either. Me and hubby tried that, but they came after us 2 yrs down the track and d'fd us. Now, had I been a bit more careful in what I said to my siblings, I think I'd have got away with it and still been included in family gatherings to this day. I paid a huge price for shooting my mouth off about my disillusionment with the WTS. With the wisdom of hindsight, I'd still slip away, but I'd watch what I said and to whom I said it. It's really no big deal to keep your opinions to yourself, as they don't get what you say anyway.

Remember this too that DA and DF are one and the same thing. The end result is the same and they don't afford honour to anyone who leaves, no matter how they leave. So just play them along and keep the peace and maybe one day you will have a chance to help someone you love on the inside.
Marilyn

alliwannadoislive

you guys are all pretty well amazing - i am stunned at the amount of trouble you've gone to in replying - makes me feel angry that i never saw similar concern and fellow-feeling when i was at kh ... but so glad to be here ...

bboy - some real strong reasoning there - you've dragged me back to the centre having almost been convinced to just carry on slipping ... thanks ... and thanks also to all of you who have given me so much more to consider than i had been ...

still in doubt but what a cool committee of experts i have in y'all ...

Simon

I'd think twice before doing it but it does give you some sort of closure and finality to it all. One the negative side it is 'their rules' and helps them in their setup of people shunning you (this may be important if you have friends & family still in that you want to keep contact with).

At the end of the day, it's your life and you decision. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best and you can be sure we'll all support you (well, maybe all but fredhall).

ItsJustMe

it depends on whose rules you want to follow.

DA or not DA or continue slipping away ?

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