"I hope you consider carefully what YOU want out of this so that you can make sure your plans and needs are not undermined." I have no idea what I want to get out of this??? Any ideas you can give me??? I just want to get through it without them hurting my feelings... "I was thinking alot about you yesterday and had a sudden little panic for you. I was so upset the site was down. I am glad to see you here and hope you remember that you can control this. You are steering the ship, and don't lose sight of that!" Awwww, that's so sweet Shelly! Your so nice! Thanks!
I'm meeting with the elders...
by cognac 45 Replies latest jw friends
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Awakened at Gilead
I have no idea what I want to get out of this??? Any ideas you can give me??? I just want to get through it without them hurting my feelings...
My main concern is whether you are wuilling to face the consequences of DA or DF or if you feel that you must avoid that at all costs. This is what you need to face IMO.
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Jim_TX
I think that it is unfair for there to be two or three 'elders' there to confront one individual.
If you are so inclined, let them know in the beginning that you will only allow one of them to speak - and the other(s) must remain silent. (...and I don't mean 'Harpo Marx silent'.)
Let them know that - that way, you will be able to keep up with their 'encouraging' words.
Don't allow them to buffalo you into both men speaking. They do this as a sort of 'tag team' approach. Whilst one is blabbing away - the other is getting ready to take over - and continue.
Meanwhile - you are trying to keep up - fending off their verbal assaults. So - again - I say - let them know up front that only one can speak to you. Allow them to discuss between themselves who it will be - but once they decide - the other one needs to be silent.
Otherwise - adios! No meeting.
Regards,
Jim TX
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cognac
"My main concern is whether you are wuilling to face the consequences of DA or DF or if you feel that you must avoid that at all costs. This is what you need to face IMO." hmmmm, they are supposed to meet with me and my husband. I thought it was just a shepparding call, hope its not about DA or DF. If so, I can't control what anyone else does, so if it goes down that road, it does. I will try to dodge it, but not kill myself over it... I'm already not talking to most of my family, so hopefully it wouldn't be that upsetting, but I'm not sure...
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Hope4Others
I'm already not talking to most of my family, so hopefully it wouldn't be that upsetting, but I'm not sure...
A month of no talking is quite different than FOREVER....
You must know what you want before you walk into this any further.
Good Luck
h4o
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Indo_Dude
I think of it like ripping off a band-aid. You can do the 'slow fade' and peel that bandage off slowly, or you can do the DF/DA thing and have it over and done with. In the end it doesn't really matter much, unless you are striving to save a family member or a relationship or something.
If you are doing the slow fade, just think of this as a game. Your superior knowledge against theirs. Pretend this is the local acting theater. At the end, who cares if you come off as over-acting, no?
For me the way the elders treated me, and how poorly they went about it, showed my family that they were a bunch of pervs, over-sexed, power hungry, douchebags on an ego trip. So, I got all of my immediate family out with me. :)
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loosie
Geez, they treat you guys as if they were creditors.
Ask them how much $$ it will take to make them go away?
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cognac
I should spike there drinks. That would teach them a lesson...
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Eliveleth
Honey,
I am praying for you. I know how these "shepherding" calls can go. I hope and pray
that your husband will see through their front and support you. Just pray and let
God guide you.
Love and hugs,
Velta
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Sirona
Definately record it! I wish I'd recorded mine back then. I had a "shepherding" call during which they *shouted* at me and said I had the devil's reasoning.
hmmm
If you don't want DF or DA, I would seek to agree with them sometimes but be very, very non-committal. DO NOT answer the question of whether you consider yourself to be a JW anymore (or lie and say of course you do) and do not answer the question of whether you think the Society is the faithful slave (if you say no its almost like DA)
They might try and be "encouraging" because they've promised your husband, so just go along with it and smile and say you'll do your best but you can't attend meetings right now due to XYZ...
Good luck!
Sirona