Perfect!
So it happened...I met with my Mom and Dad...
by Confession 36 Replies latest jw experiences
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Awakened07
But, the truth is, Dad is 75 and Mom 74. I see no reason to try to bring their world down--even if I could. And, the fact is, if they're okay with talking to me while adopting a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, I'm okay with it too.
I've come to the same conclusions myself. As for your letter, it was probably very good for yourself to get it out on paper, plus it affected many people here, so it was definitely not a waste.
Good luck.
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Balsam
Sometimes it is just kinder to allow them their fantasy than to break their hearts. They might have found it too painful to ever see you again if they had read it, or it might have lead them to question everything they believe. At their age that might cause such a deep and painful realization that they would have left them unable to get on their feet mentally again. Look at how it affects the young ones coming out of the organization. It takes years and years for some to heal and move on, and even then their still affected by the conditioning. Confessions, I think you did really well, best to leave it alone. There is nothing we can do to wake people up until they are ready to investigate it all for themselves.
Balsam
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logic&reason
Confession - I am glad it went well for you.
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bythesea
I'd read your letter when you posted it, Confession, and thought it was a great effort.....don't feel bad that you didn't give it to them....... you didn't for all the right reasons. It appears that you are building a new relationship with them and will have them in your future, and that is what you want. I'm happy for all of you!! Your letter will be of help to many who read it here and may be able to use it with their own family or friends at some point, so it was not a wasted effort! Plus, didn't it feel good to just get your own thoughts down for carification when you did write it??
I hope this visit with your parents will be one of many and help to rebuild your relationships....a great first step was taken! Wonderful news!
bythesea
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Quirky1
Thank you for the update and I believe you made the right choice by not giving them that letter. I could see giving it to them if they were younger but why burst their bubble at their age.
Who knows it may pop on its own.
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Confession
UPDATE: I just called my mother. It's been a week and a half since I saw them, and I wanted to let them know I'd be in Detroit this weekend and through Wednesday morning--just in case any of my other family member might want to see me. (I have one brother and two sisters and their families.)
She sounded very dark on the phone. She spoke haltingly. She told me that she and Dad decided not to tell them that they'd met with me. I'd wondered about that. A bit over a year ago, in a phone conversation, Mom exclaimed "But, Jon, if I talk to you, then your brother and sisters won't talk to me!!"
She started a couple of sentences...and stopped them. Like, "Well, too, um.....anyway." When I gently pressed her, she said she and Dad had been trying to "feel their way through" this themselves. She indicated they had considered that they might have made a mistake in meeting with me. She did say that it was wonderful seeing me, and I told her the same.
Looks like that infamous Watchtower "conscience" is getting the best of her.
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Open mind
Sorry to hear about that possible set-back.
FWIW, my Mom vascillates between being Human and being Borg all the time with my DFed older brother. My Dad is 99.5% Borg and my JW Elder Brother is 100% Borg.
It happens.
Great letter.
Great meeting.
This part sounded just like my parents:
looking for a place to eat dinner, Mom and Dad engaged in their usual light bickering.
Enjoy the moments you have.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
om
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zagor
I came over to the driver's side, and gave Dad a hug too, then got into the back of the van. We drove through downtown Midland, Michigan, looking for a place to eat dinner
Man, that sound more like an arrest than a night out with the family. Sounds like they've been looking for a place where nobody "important" would see them with their flesh and blood. How sad. The thing is they are stretched between two worlds, that of alternative reality and that 'strange' feeling where "blood is thicker than water" that repeated brain washing couldn't completely erase. A very natural feeling, which they are unable to explain even to themselves, let alone to others. The thing I could never understand of how can parents love one child more than another. Give one everything in life and consider another like non-existent. How can you protect one finger of your hand and don't care if you cut off another? But this is precisely how they are being taught to react, against all natural feeling and tendencies. The thing is, in my experience at least, that is how react naive among witnesses, those who sincerely embraced it. I remember many cases where people found all sorts of excuses when dealing with their disfellowshiped loved ones. It is only those who honestly try to follow everything that ultimately pay the price and follow society to the letter. I almost feel sorry for them. Unfortunately, these ones can hurt you deeper than a dagger.
Be strong man, you've got nothing but pride on your side. They are the ones who need to look with guilty feeling into mirror every morning. As for siblings and other relatives. I'd say ''screw'em'' but that's just me. And if it was me, I'd give them that letter, you deserve to have final say. And don't feel too sorry about 70-odd years. As long as you are silent they relish in their belief to be in the "right" so giving them a letter they just might wake up and realize just how 'far right' they really are. (think of it as helping them) These things tend to shake people to their core to which they are unable to stay silent. People are made of flesh and bone and feelings they have are governed more by these than by abstract ideas, it is just that until they've been through the wringer they cannot distinguish between real feelings and those imposed by the community they are part of. So strike hard, give them the goddamned letter.
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yesidid
Hi zagor,
Yours is a very sad and bitter attitude. Not the sort that brings peace or happiness to anyone.
I do hope neither Jon or anyone else takes your advice.
yesidid