getting over it - how long does that take?

by Switch 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I will let you know how long it takes when I get over it. My profile explains that I decided
  what to do by Summer of 2006. Really, I was in turmoil long before that, but made my moves.
  2 years later, I post heavily on JWD and still have bitterness. Things have changed though.

  I am pretty much done discovering things that show WTS is really an "anti-truth." New things
  like the college issue don't surprise me. I rarely look up things in the WT library for others, because
  I can't stand it. I still listen to some MP3 posts of GB members talks or the Drama or whatever,
  but they are just background noise. I really am starting to let go. I read Blondie's comments on
  the study article, but mostly just her comments and not the article itself unless her comments cause
  me to look at it.

  I am pretty much finished reading anti-JW books and internet sites. I still read nonfiction with an
  emphasis on skepticism of the Bible and the Dead Sea Scrolls, Nag Hamadi scrolls, cognitive dissonance.
• 

  wings

  would you stop yapping with your apostate friends and make me some dinner!

  I take it back Switch....feed him some monkey food. Yap away.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  A@G:
  You said "2 and a half months into the process I think I am adjusting to being a normal person fairly well."

  As you adjust, I will be glad I met the guy before he adjusted to whatever you will become.
  The un-adjusted A@G is facsinating. You are like I was at one point, but to the tenth power.

  Good luck becoming normal. I doubt I will ever get there.
• 

  oompa

  Ok...i now think it a good idea for switch....a@G, OTWO and I get together for some texas hold, a nice cigar and a cold beveragre or two..........oompa
• 

  joannadandy

  Of course everyone is different.

  For myself - I'd say it took 3-6 months, where like you I felt I had to tear into every shred of information about the JW's to find out just how wrong they were. After a while I got less and less shocked. Especially when I came to the realization that these people were not perfect or directed by god - so it's no wonder they made all the human mistakes every other organization was made.

  I think you hit the nail on the head tho with this:

  I expect it'll probably lessen if I stop reading WT material but I seem to still need to prove things to myself so the absurd curiousity continues.

  I think it also largely depends on how old you are when you leave, how long you were associated with them, and how deeply you believed it all.

  For me - I was born in, but my whole life it just didn't seem right to me, I always had doubts. So when things started unfolding it was more like pieces coming together rather than my world falling apart. (Which is not to say things weren't shaken up in my life.)

  However, when I left I was still in my early 20's. I was going to college - I was ready for my world view to be shaken up anyway. I think it was a good time for me to leave and I was in a good place to explore other options.

  I would say explore when you have a curiousity about something - but try not to dwell. The sooner you let it go, the faster you can rebuild. And hopefully your curiousity will turn to things non-jw related eventually.

  Good luck to you - don't ever feel like there is a time limit on this kind of thing. There isn't. There is no right way to do it. And don't feel like you'll ever be totally over it. There are still certain things that happen in my life where I just can't escape that I was raised a JW...but the time it takes for me to process that is less and less before I can just shrug my shoulders and carry on.
• 

  Dagney

  Like it was stated here, it all depends. And I don't think we ever "get over it." How can we? We were in a cult for crying out loud!

  If you want the fast track like A@G, you probably will move much quicker working through the issues.

  You are still reading WT literature and it's making you mad? No doubt. But why are you reading it? To continually convince yourself maybe? I would sure let that go.

  I'm the 7 year person sweet pea (she's a dear one that one; I am so lucky we are good friends...and in real life!!) referred to. I have evolved through soooooooooo many stages during those years. I quit in a day, and for some reason unknown to me, I knew it was all BS in a moment of clarity during a meeting after being born and raised in and without any outside influence. My struggle was tremendous anger and loss...loss of days, months, years of a life to a misguided cult. And loss of something too painful to discuss. My feelings are just about identical to what oompa stated. So I worked really hard on "me" and my anger for years, and I can just barely say the pain has subsided and I don't get sick to my stomach thinking about it. Just barely.

  I still have association with JW's, and family in, so there just will always be things to work through. Although, I am continually dripping JWD info on friends. I know it's starting to stick.

  I advise you to educate yourself with anything that can help you, books, meditation, yoga....whatever to find peace. See if there are any xJW meetup groups in your area, or visit some outside your area, make a vacation out of it and get to know some real people going through the same thing. Cry with them, complain with them...hold each other...very theraputic.

  I wish you strength for the journey.
• 

  CunningMan

  Well, if you read the thousands of posts on this forum, many people never get over it, even if they've been out of the organization for decades! Even when they've left the organization for so long, their life is still all about the organization and it's prohibitions. Of course, many of these posters say they're "helping people out" or "providing counsel for those who have left," but this is usually a self-serving excuse to reminisce and obsess over every hurtful memory had of times as a Witness.

  I for one, do not want to define my identity solely as a former Jehovah's Witness. I want to follow the example of the wiser people who leave and never look back.
• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  switch...

  I dont know if a person gets "over it" or not. I think it might be more difficult for those of us that are "born in" or "raised in" (I was 4 when my mom started studying)....

  I was 40 before I decided to bail out of the Borg. I had advanced up the theocraptic ladder...pioneer, elder, MTS grad..... college was my undoing in their eyes... (but my link to freedom of thought in my eyes).

  What helps me to not obsess about JW related things?....I dont read any WT literature these days... unless someone posts something very specific here on JWD, then I might go check it out if I have time.

  I am clearing out my WT library and replacing it with more interesting fiction and nonfiction....

  I sitll have contact with a few very close JW friends who are not trying to sway me one way or the other, other than the obligatory token "encouragement" so they can say that is what they are doing, even though they themselves have serious doubts...usually about the organization.... a few about the doctrines.... I avoid any JWs that are actively trying to get me back into the Borg. As long as I am not DA/DF, none of those few friends will have to "make a decision" about our friendship.....

  My mom is still active, but lives in another state. She knows that she can discuss anything JW related with me, because it is still her life and I am interested in anything that is of interest to her....she just knows not to try to witness to me anymore....

  I wish you well in your journey...the goal here is to one day become an ex-EXJW.... in the meantime, this is a pretty good place to make new friends and get the kind of support you need to find your way out...and maybe even.... "get over it"

  Snakes ()
• 

  reneeisorym

  I left 3 years ago and here's now I spent that time:
  
  6 months = research to decide this is really what I wanted to do
  1 year = research to reprogram
  1 year = to work on leaving it behind / therapy (I actually saw a therapist for 4 months or so)
  The past 6 months = recovered with only about 2 sad spells.
• 

  Witness 007

  It takes time....yet many have left this website behind after being cured....check the thousands of names of those who once posted here, but now don't.