Brand new here, haven't even picked out avatar yet. But I feel the need to reach out and touch someone (smile). My situation is a little confusing to me, I am definitely on the way out and have been fading for quite some time, however my decision to leave has just been made very recently.
Nine years ago is when my story begins. I was diagnosed with cancer and given a 5 percent chance to live,(fortunately as you can see I'm still here.) So for about a year I was undergoing treatment and was very sick, sick enough not to be able to make more than a few meetings. Anyway, at about the same time my poor husband was being mistreated by the elders due to our two sons leaving the truth (they were 17 and 21). He was removed from being a ministerial servant, which he accepted readily, the problem is how it was done, very dishonestly. They were simply making an example of him at a time he was already traumatized with my illness and our younger son's rebelliousness (he was absolutely uncontrollable). He became very angry and stopped attending meetings himself. So after a year, I was better and could go back but he wasn't having any of it, he still believed with all his heart that it was the truth but he felt so betrayed after years of faithful service. At any rate I never got back to active status. So all these years we have been inactive. Mind you our friends, and we have just a handfull, are still active publishers, so we never suffered too much in that way.
Just recently though, I have started doubting a number of doctrinal changes and have pretty much feel like we've all been deceived. I'm not angry, but I am through with the "Truth". This is huge for me as I am 4th generation Witness and most of my family are Witnesses. My mother has Alzheimers and is not really cognizant, a fact I am very glad for.
The biggest problem is that my husband still feels like it is the Truth. I had never voiced my doubts to him because I was afraid of how he would feel about it, but a couple of weeks ago we ran into an old friend who also feels very deceived, and I just couldn't help but agree with him. Much to my relief, my wonderful husband did not get upset. He told me that if I need to prove or disprove it to myself to just do it. He actually laughed and said that he never dreamed he would be married to an apostate!
So now, I'm feeling a little isolated and its been tough to keep my mouth shut both to my husband and my best friend. But I recognize that that is what I should do. This seems to be the most active exJw forum, so I thought I might find some support here. I'd appreciate any replies.