Thanks for the thoughtful reply Yadirf.
You basically gave the same answer my father did when I asked him the question.
You and he think alike on many things.
I still find it hard to believe that less than 75 people a year qualified to rule with Christ over 1900 years and then BAMM! all of a sudden 60 to 70,000 people qualify within 60 years or so.
Of course, you could make the argument back that many of those were partaking incorrectly during the 1890's to 1940's.
Also, The Watchtower has always taught that the 144,000 were the first fruits. I believe they have always taught that the first 144,000 christians were annointed. I have never heard a witness state that the annointed has certain special qualifications that had to be met to become rulers with Christ. What scriptural reference shows the difference in qualifications between annointed Christians and "other sheep" Christians?
Actually this is a minor point in my loss of faith, but it was one of the chips that eventually made the structure crumble.
The main one that I have articulated here before has to do with the inequality of god's justice towards individuals. With something as precious as everlasting life at stake the rules of the game have to be fair. In my opinion, they are not logical, nor are the rules applied equally toward all and therefore they are not fair.
There are millions of examples but I will use just one. Get over your rabid hatred of homosexuality for a moment and think of me as a sincere person wandering aimlessly searching for truth.
I am raised a witness by an abusive father.
I am active in my congregation from the age of 7, regular in the field ministry and quite adept at speaking at the door and at the hall.
I am a good boy, obedient to my parents, a model student, never rebellious and the apple of the eye of all the parents at the hall, often held up as an example of what a true young Christian should be.
Polite to my elders, active at meetings and in service, able to out
place everyone in magazines and "Truth" books.
At 13 I am the spiritual head of my family. My father never comes home before 2am and is never sober when he does. My mother and I stand by the curb in front of our house and catch rides to the meetings with other witnesses who pass our house on the way to the hall. I often am used as a substitute on the Theocratic school because I have excellent extemporaneous speaking skills. Several of the other young brothers hate me because the elders like me. One tries to break my arm at a circuit assembly. I do not fight back. I am a Christian youth.
I forfeit opportunities for honors programs and extracurricular activities at school. I only associate with my friends from the hall.
I am ridiculed at school every day because I am a Jehovah's Witness (everyone knows I am a witness because I do my 9th grade Social Science project on "What Do Jehovah's Witnesses Believe?".
Every summer I spend in service with my witness friends. I start a bible study with one of my school mates whose parents are opposed so we study together in the playground of the junior high school.
In 9th grade I fall in love with a young girl at school who is not a witness. I can't date her. I can't give her presents. She thinks I am a fool and so do all of my classmates who know, because I am the weird kid in school, dopey looking, and a Witness. I become the object of ridicule again in 9th grade when I have to turn down a part in the school play because the teacher wants me to play the Friar in Romeo and Juliet. I cannot because he represents false religion. The teacher ridicules me in front of the whole class.
I could go on and on and on but I think you get the point.
Then 1/2 way through my 9th grade year when I am 14, I have my first wet dream. In it I am having sex with a boy from school named Tom. I wake up screaming NO NO NO NO. Jehovah please don't let me be queer. I beg him in prayer to make it not so. I have no one to talk to. I am ashamed. I am frightened. I am sick to my heart's core.
I work harder and harder as a witness to make it go away. I am baptized when I am 15 and hope that will make it go away. I am used at the hall as Watchtower reader, book study reader, asst book study conductor, leading the group into field service many days, and yet I am still cursed. I pray every day for Jehovah to make it go away.
I go to all the meetings, I go to Bethel, I date sisters, I PRAY and PRAY and PRAY.
Again, I can go on and on and on.
I wake up many days now feeling utterly worthless, so worthless its hard for me to do my job or interact with other people. Once, in my 20s, I isolated myself for 2 years because I hurt inside so much, only going to work and coming home to my apartment, afraid to live as a homosexual, ashamed to go to the hall.
Is there a God who cares?
If I had been born 100 years ago, I could have lived and died as a homosexual and been resurrected into the new system.
If I lived in outer Mongolia right now and was homosexual I would be judged differently at Armageddon because I had not been taught the "truth".
My case is mine. I am sure millions of others could state their cases better than I could state them.
I see no justice. I believe justice is a myth. I believe God is a myth.
The structure of faith has fallen. It rests on the need to believe in justice. Until my faith in justice is restored, I will not believe in God and I will continue as a hedonist, happy some days, unhappy most others, since I yet know that there is a truth I haven't discovered yet.
All the doctrinal, chronological, UN, etc. etc. etc. stuff is basically background to me. It is irrelevant. The core issue is justice. It has always been the issue.
peace
Joel