Cab sez,
But when I finally became convinced that WT chronology was a complete fabrication (thank you Carl Olof), their whole theology, ecclesiology and interpretational scheme collapsed before me like a house of cards. I felt like someone who had, through extraordinary efforts, arrived late and managed to catch a train at the platform, got a great seat, sat down and was enjoying the ride, then slowly began to notice that the station names were not quite right, then finally became convinced that I was on the wrong train. When I came to that realization, I just wanted to get off. I wanted no revenge, I just wanted off.
Priceless! That moment arrives when all that you have loved and hoped for suddelnly catches in your throat, threatening to explode your brain with all the frightening and horrific nightmares of this "not being the truth" that you thought you had so nicely resolved many years earlier. NOOOOoooo. !!
What a wretched feeling!! Your whole body shakes at the realization you have been duped. Years of stupidity flash before your eyes. A primal feeling of having been somehow "raped" might overcome you. If you were already in a bad place emotionally, anger can well up and absolutely CONTROL you like a monster. (THINK "Willow" when she freaks out in her season six Buffy/Vampire years as a witch, destroying blindly in a rage, EVERYTHING formerly beautiful to her, without any remorse whatsover.) I was lucky enough to be in a good frame of mind when it hit, THANKS TO Cab and all my other buds at Bethel, WHO SAVED MY ASS from God knows how many more years of stupidity. What a difference a few good friends make in your life.
I wanted off, too, even though I was at the peak of my career. I remember the day after I had had a long deadpan discussion about the whole AID book thing (with your unnerving "don't mean to kill you, but listen to this..." laugh injected halfway into the deadly details of who was about to get kicked out of Bethel and why - GOOD GOD that was scary but exciting!) and I was over by the Harris presses, walking over to my Hoe. And I though to myself, "You know, Randy, if this is all true, then it's really WORTH it! But if it's NOT true, it's really EVIL. I really scared myself on that one.
Bethel made life an adrenaline rush. I'm still a junkie. :-))
I could look back and say, "It was all a waste," but the thousands of wonderful people I have met along the way laughs that bit of self-pity out the door.
You only live once.
Randy