She is trying me to the extreme and to the limit!

Gill

My youngest child has always been a very good girl at school. She has never been any trouble to any one caused any disruption etc.....just a good girl and she is progressing well. Recently her form tutor retired and a new teacher arrived. All seemed wel, except that my daughter in the last couple of weeks does not want to go to school any more. She is always complaining of a headache 'from being at school and Mrs G. shouting at me!'

This morning the class teacher rushed up to me and asked for a quick word. She said that my daughter was very good, well behaved and very kind but then said: 'She is lazy, does not concentrate, does not respect my authority, does not respect the control mechanisms of the class, will not put her pen down IMMEADIATELY when I tell her to. She is prone to doodling, not concentrating and she is really pushing me to the limit! She is too stubborn and she has to understand that the moment an adult tells her to do something she must do so instantly and not wait until I have counted to 10! She is trying me to the extreme and to the limit. Please speak to her!'

I had no time to discuss this furthur as I had my boys to take for an asthma check up in ten minutes.

However, this teacher seems to be off her trolly to me! Obviously my daughter's older brothers (16 yrs old ) are immensely proud of her having heard her teacher's rant!

However, to be serious, it appears to me that this teacher is bullying her.

The school my daughter attends is very rough. There are many badly behaved children there who can't sit down for two minutes never mind put down their pen instantly.

I am very disappointed and do not want to break my daughter's spirit or let this teacher bully her.

Does this stink of an obsessed bullying teacher to you or am I being overly defensive?

Junction-Guy

No she sounds like a complete control freak, and maybe she needs to be put in her place.

dinah

She sounds like one of those teachers who tries to run the classroom like a boot camp. Every school has them.

If you are noticing a dramatic change in you daughter, the teacher could be the cause. You should probably go to the principal and handle this quickly before your daughter starts really hating school. Of course, many times the principal sides with the teacher.

We had this problem with my daughter in the first grade. She had a teacher who constantly screamed at the kids. I met with her in person and told her I didn't scream at my children and would appreciate it if she wouldn't either. I also had a meeting with the principal, who basically took up for the teacher. Anyway, that teacher had gotten so many complaints she retired (she was tenured, hard to fire them). The principal had so many complaints at the Board of Education, she was asked to leave our school system. Complaining does work sometimes.

Gill

JunctionGuy - Thanks! Sometimes you have to doubt yourself and your own immeadiate reaction. I didn't say anything at the time, as I mentioned I was in a big hurry, but to tell me how good she is....and then how bad.....somehow, it did not ring right. Why would anyone want to control everyone down to the last movement? I know I would rebel!

I hate and I mean HATE fighting with schools and I've got another 11 years of it to go! Looking back however, I have never yet failed to talk sense into these people and so, off we go again!

Had to whip an upper school (kids age 14 - 18) into shape a few months ago over their locking of the toilets and not allowing the kids to go when they needed to. Let's say OFSTED inspection and Human Rights Legislation soon opened the toilet doors. 1500 children don't know that I'm their hero!

Now it's time to go and see Mrs G again!

Gill

Dinah - thanks. This teacher has only been there for a couple of months now. I am not happy with her attitude, especially considering that my daughter is, by her own admission, 'well behaved' and therefore she is not disruptive in class....so who is it that has the problem?

I shall be taking this furthur if not resolved soon.

Finally-Free

She is too stubborn and she has to understand that the moment an adult tells her to do something she must do so instantly

I have a problem with that. I was raised under that sort of regime, and it was a toxic, damaging environment. A child does not have to unquestioningly obey everything an adult says simply because it's an adult that's saying it.

Regarding putting a pen down immediately, I can understand the requirement if an exam with a time limit is being written but not under ordinary circumstances.

She's a control freak.

W

Quandry

Gill,

I have a daughter whom I love.

I also work in an elementary (primary) school.

This school is an extremely difficult school. One thing the children do is : respond slowwwwwly to direction.

The teacher has to cover different subjects in specific times.

When the teacher says, class, lets now put down our pencils and get out our history books, and turn to page x, most will comply. However, some, to show that they will not be told what to do, keep writing, doodling, drawing, talking, etc.

Valuable learning time is wasted as the teacher has to focus in on one or two students, repeating the direction, sometimes counting down to attempt to get them to comply.

Why is your child doing this? Is the teacher making it up? I doubt it. Is she trying to be mean? Should your child become even slower to comply to "show her she can't tell me what to do?"

Perhaps your child is upset that there is a new teacher and does not know a verbal way to express it. She takes it out on the new teacher by not responding to direction.

I recommend sitting down with your child and talking. Ask about the former teacher. Ask about the other students. Is she copying their behaviour? Or is there a reason why she does not want to go along with teacher's direction? Is there some other thing in her life going on ? Is she looking for attention? I then recommend sitting down with the teacher, and asking questions.

I might add that the most difficult thing a teacher must face is a parent that always assumes "the teacher is to blame."

Put yourself in her shoes. She may have over twenty children. She wants all of them to learn. If you were attempting to transition from one activity to another, and one child consistently was veeerrrrryyyy sllllllooooooowwww to follow directions, what would you do? Would you leave the child sitting and drawing while everyone else was learning something else? Would you just have twenty other children wait until one decided they were ready? You would notify the parent for help, wouldn't you?

Are all teachers wonderful? No, but most that I have worked with in many years really love children, and want the best for them.

Get all the facts first.

I wish you the best.

Gill

FF - I am very against children having to obey anything instantly without the opportunity for thought........unless we're seriously late and I say RUN...of course!

Instant obedience and fear of the consequences of not obeying immeadiately is what took the world down a Maoist state in China, Nazi Germany, Communist Russia, Cambodia and lo and behold Zimbabwe today.

Now I know we're only talking about a school situation here, but one of my sons , who is 16 now, got through a high school that DEMANDED his shirt be tucked in every day. Everyday he refused and he NEVER got into trouble for it simply because of the way he refused.

It was commented to us by the headmaster at the end of his four years that he was the only child who had ever got away with such blatant disobedience and they were all very impressed with him.. (The fact that he is a brilliant student academically and fantastic mathematician probably stood him in good stead,) but he knew how to disobey 'politely'. If they had taken a firmer line with him they may have ruined his academic success.

Gill

Quandry - I will do that! Thanks!

New light for you

any big change in your daughters personality is DEFINATELY the sign of something, you just have to figure out what it is.

I agree, it is possible she just loved her old teacher and is mad this one is there... but sounds like she's a bitch, so it's probably more than that.

Whatever it is, it is SOMETHING if her personality has changed so much, i'd talk to the principal definately.

She is trying me to the extreme and to the limit!

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