Unrealized hopes and dreams - crappy reality of life

by tartarus 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Anti-Christ

  Welcome to the board. It's not easy at first especially if your raised in the JW (like me) it takes some time to heal. I am so much better now that I am free and there is no way in hell that I am going back. I like to compare the feeling to a animal who spent most of his life in captivity, you send it out in it's natural environment and it becomes scared and it must learn how to survive. For us it is similar but once we have tasted what it really means to be free and depend on our self you can never go back.

  When it comes to the future of the world try to accept the things you have no a control over, the earth and life on it has changed many times for over 4 billion years so I think it is a bit arrogant to think we little humans are going to do much damage. I find also that this world today is not as bad as the JW would make it out to be, try and inform yourself on the good tings we humans have accomplish compared to what our world looked like before. Take back the control of your life don't let fear and a publishing company convince you that you need an org. to make you happy.
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  tartarus

  I've done some of reading on psychology. Explored my sexuality when I left first time. Poked into all the major spiritual traditions, including my own Eastern orthodox and Slavic pagan origins. I still came back. I don't know what trapped me. Maybe the difference was Jah the omnipotent. I still believe in him and talk to him. Whatever helps I guess.

  What ruffles my feathers is the "You're either with us or against us". No middle ground. A Russian acquaintance of mine once remarked that Witnesses were just like Communists. He laughed at me, he said even their songs sound like old Communist marches we were made to sing as kids in school. Ironically, the youth wing of the communist party were called pioneers. We all had to be in it. When I first heard some witnesses were called pioneers ( the same word in Russian) a chill went down my spine. I had to check what it meant originally in the dictionary.

  "March, together, shoulder to shoulder, united, joyful, praise, communist party( governing body) our leader" - lol, all familiar buzzwords for someone who grew under the totalitarian system. I was offended at the time. Now I think he was totally right. Same mind control, same dream of paradise in a commune of happy people working shoulder to shoulder toward a common goal. What could be more dignified? We saw what happened with Soviet giant with clay feet. The Soviet Union contrary to what some in the West delude themselves with was not defeated, it was brought down by the apathy of the people living in it. They gave up and stopped caring about life 'cause life wasn't improving - work absenteeism, alcoholism, and total despair for the future - that was our crappy reality. So different from the slogans plastered all over. Russians cannot be defeated by anyone else but themselves - they've proven it throughout history beating out pretty much all invaders - Mongols, Napoleon, Swedes, Turks, Hitler and soon the yankees too (lol, sorry my american friends it's a joke). I hope the Watchtower's mindcontrol will crumble just like Soviet state - from apathy and futility of fighting for that elusive paradise waiting around the corner. If Jehovah is really "creating something new" I'll believe it when I see it. Then we'll talk committment.
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  WTWizard

  When I was going in, I believed that soon (whenever that was) I was to be ushered into a new world where all my needs would be taken care of. All I had to do was spend the remaining few months out there in field circus as much as I could reasonably (eventually, they struck the word "reasonable" from that). And obey a few rules.

  I would say that, inside of a year, I realized that it could go on much longer than my lifetime while always being "close, and getting closer). They wanted more and more of my time and energy, while insisting that my desires were not the "proper" ones (only Baghead's name, Baghead's Tyranny, and Baghead's will were proper desires). For me to ever have my sex drive fulfilled was not "proper" and Jehovah Baghead was not going to supply them (He wanted me in the Value Destroyer Training School instead).

  In the end, I realized that I would be better off whether the witlesses were the truth or not. To that end, I stopped doing anything for them. Maybe next time they will see to it that my sex drive is fulfilled to the full. Otherwise, they will just find me doing apostasy again and preferring the "secret" society I joined to slap Jehovah Baghead in the face.
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  AllTimeJeff

  I remember the thing I enjoyed the most was the self righteous certainty that I was 100% right. I was a little too young and immature to understand that me being right = the death of billions. I never gave a logical thought to anything until after my younger brothers death and the events of 9/11/01. I finally listened to all of the negative thoughts I was trying to suppress. I miss the feeling I had and the friends that I lost. But thats it. I don't for a second miss the JW dogma about billions dying because they don't know Jehovah.

  If you are recently on the way out, I will tell you something I learned. For sure, you will no longer have hundreds of "friends". And yes, there is a lot about the world that depending on your level of indoctrination that you will have to come to grips with. Such as: evil exists and good exists too. That you actually have to get to know people to determine if they are your friends as opposed to if they simply believe in the same deity you worship. And that the world is what it is, and it is better to be a realist/pragmatic then a wishful dreamer, wanting a world that will never be. Best to make the world and area you find yourself in better because of your efforts and influence. That is the best anyone can do!

  It will be lonely for a while. But in the couple of years since I left, I can tell you in reading literally hundreds who are leaving JW's, there is that period of time where you grieve for what you had and for what was familiar. It's almost like a death. You should go through the process, it is normal. But don't make the mistake of thinking that you will always feel the way you do now. You will change.

  I find if you stay engaged in the world around you, read alot, etc etc etc, that many answers will come to you, and that some bad emotions will fade with time.

  I wish you the best!
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  reneeisorym

  I'm a prodestant (more specifically Presbyterian) -- I have hope for the future (in the form of heaven) without the control.
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  Slappy

  I'm sorry that "religion" has scarred you so much. I can't say that I can empathize with you, as others here can, but I can certainly sympathize. I, thankfully, have never had to deal with a "religion" controlling my life. I find it refreshing that you were able to escape a cult, but were still able to hang onto the book that JWs have twisted and contorted so much that it no longer resembles its true self. Thank you.

  I too have have been through lows in life, granted not on the same level as you, but I've had my share. When I started to truly study God's Word (around 18 months ago--b4, I was content to enjoy my life the way I wanted and leave God out of it), I came to realize that there was a lot in there that "religions" either: 1)left out, 2)manipulated, or 3)completely ignored in order to suit whatever version suited their needs at the moment. As a result I have come to realize and cultivate a relationship with a God that will always be there for me, no matter what I'm going through. After every "trial" that I've endured, I've turned to God and His Word for comfort and/or guidance. There are times when I've come to realize that the trial that I went through was because of my own actions and will, and there have been times when I've realized that it is just life. However, I have the knowledge, and therefore the peace, of having a God that will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5) and that He will never allow me to go through a trial that I cannot survive (I can't think of the reference off the top of my head).

  Mark 9:23
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  VoidEater

  I have learned that whatever the future may promise or give us hope for, there is no excuse to void being active in the present moment to make life easier for those around you.

  I have learned that loving others as yourself demands that you love yourself as well.

  Life has ugliness and beauty. Perhaps it is up to us to reduce the ugliness we might bring to life, and focus on the beauty when it is there.

  As for living forever: I'd really rather not, thank you very much! Not as a limited human being.

  -Void (of the Not WIthout My Lion class)
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  Alexia

  The Watchtower thinking process is very damaging; constant negative thinking in order to build up desire for the future paradise. I too have struggled with depression, and have to wonder if it was exacerbated by being raised a JW.

  I agree. For me, it’s hard to come to terms with death and what it really is. Growing up thinking that all of the people in my life I lost will return to the Earth in the flesh really did a number to me. Now I’m soooo pissed off when I see the “When Someone you Love Dies” publications around, especially at makeshift shrines when someone is killed or handed out after JW memorials.

  I cry silently when my mother tells me about the hope of paradise or seeing her loved ones again. This is all she has and it pisses me off to no end.
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  dogon

  Hopefully you will be able to make the last step and stop believing in talking snakes. You have to move one step at a time, but you will get there, as long as you keep walking away from religion.

  Even after I left the cult I would burn things thought to be evil, I.E. Apostate material. Now after leaving the cult and deprogramming myself. I laugh at the thought of believing in a book that only exists because a group of bishops got together and decided what old writings were gods word and which were not, and then I ran across a couple of great books, "the greatest story ever sold" "the book your church does not want you to read'

  I am sure there are others but this along with the book by Richard Dawkins "The god delusion" more for a person who has come to understand that religion, all religion is a scam.

  Keep questioning and you will see that there is no answer to life's problems, no one can help us but us, never once in history has there ever been any help from above or below, Things happen and there are no big man in the sky directing things. This is a left over delusion from our unenlightened past.

  One thing to remember is that never once in the history of the Dubbers has one thing, not one thing every happened the way they said it would, Even the Russell predicted ww1 is a total lie, he said that the big A was going to happen. Nothing about a world war. And if you are a student of history, you will note that contrary to dubber teaching, there was not world of peach preceding the war, there was a lot of build up to the conflict.

  I have asked and never once have they ever been able to give me anything but the type of reasoning that the Nostradamas people give "well if you change the L to S you get Hitler, and if you rearrange this and add that and then multiply by 1.456 you get close to something that could have happened. LOL Religion is a joke. If you want to believe you have to believe by faith, or with out evidence. If these people really had faith why would they strive so hard to twist archeology finds to support their belief?
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  Slappy

  If these people really had faith why would they strive so hard to twist archeology finds to support their belief?

  Not to support their beliefs, but to convince you (not you individually, but 'you' as in those that don't believe). You are, after all, clamoring for proof that what we believe through faith is true and supported by tangible evidence.

  So first you ask for proof, then when it's given, you twist it to make it look like we are the one's who needed it because our faith isn't enough. Very clever...almost.