This post is totally sappy, but I don't care. I wanted to share it anyway.
Lately, I have felt very sorry for myself because my relationship with my JW parents is almost to the point of being severed. I've been bold within the last several weeks about my thoughts on JWs and its falsehoods. My father has already called me an apostate and it's understood now that our relationship is going to be different. So I've been in a mourning period. My heart's been hurting deeply for several days now. I cry at the mere thought of my family’s faces. So needless to say, I’ve not really been looking forward to this holiday season. I’ve always had friends to spend holidays with, but with the last several week’s events, I’ve not been in a real thankful frame of mind.
Neil, my boyfriend and best friend, invited me to spend the holidays with his family this year. His family isn’t large or financially wealthy, but they have something rare in today’s world – true love and concern for one another. I am honored to even have been invited with him! So this is how our day has been so far…
This morning we awoke at 7 am to help at my church. Every year our church donates hot meals to the homeless shelters across the Dallas metro area. Last year we hit a record 7,000. I understand this year the homeless shelters are overflowing because of the huge amounts of layoffs in our once strong economy. My pastor said this year they plan on feeding around 8,000. This is my fourth year to help and it never ceases to amaze me how awesome an experience it is. I am only one of hundreds of volunteers that come as early as 4 am to begin chopping, dicing, cooking, boiling, and baking a Thanksgiving meal for thousands across my city. Experiencing this with Neil and his father was so awesome. I don’t remember the three of us having such a great time! Giving truly is just as much fun as receiving!
At the end of preparing the last meal, we all stood in the church cafeteria and prayed. Everyone held hands and bowed their heads and we all reflected on how wonderful our lives our. Despite the all the bad things in our lives (divorces, layoffs, deaths, sicknesses) we at least have a home. We at least have a hot meal today. We at least have fresh clothing to wear tomorrow. We at least have one another to hug and kiss and laugh with. We at least have love in our lives. It wasn’t a religious prayer. It wasn’t about forgiveness. It wasn’t about anything but thanksgiving – to God and to others in our lives that gift us with love and friendship. I couldn't get through it without crying. I realized that I have so much in my life that I take for granted all the time.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that whether we believe in God or not, whether we go to church or not, whether we celebrate the holiday Thanksgiving or not - we can still have a spirit of thanksgiving. We all take so many things for granted. Yes, many of us have created our lives by ourselves – some with a God and others without. As ex-JW’s we’ve learned the heartache of broken families, marriages, and hearts. Not from just witnessing others experiences, but from our very own. We know that every breath is precious. We understand the contagion of a child’s belly laugh. We understand the sweet softness of a dog’s fuzzy ears. We know the deep comfort of a friend’s hug and kiss. We know how special it is to enjoy life to the fullest - the joys and heartaches alike. We know all these things because we were starved from it for so many years. Starved and malnourished we were. But now we are free. Free to eat of Life and all it’s fruits. Whether we believe in God or not, we have much to be thankful for.
I am thankful for all of you here. For listening and for letting me vent, cry, and laugh. For understanding my history without me having to explain it. For letting me be myself without pretention. For gracing me with your beliefs, viewpoints, e-hugs, and friendship. I have a heart full of gratitude today. Thank you for letting me share it!
Turkey hugs,
Andi