I just can't pick up my pieces and continue with my life...

by justhuman 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • changeling
    changeling

    1- Go to a doctor right away and tell him/her how you feel. Depression kills and you sound near the brink. Trust me on this, things WILL get better.

    2- You are not alone. Everyone on this board has a similar story to yours. I for one did not leave till I was 46!

    3- You can improve your lot in life. Speak to a career counselor. Many people with little money have gone back to school later in life, you can too.

    4- Chalk the past up to experience. Everyday offers new opportunities for all of us and that includes you.

    changeling

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    You have been victimized, but you don't have to stay a victim.

    Good advice, Billy.

    Yes, MANY of us here have gone through DOWN periods after leaving. My husband and I were in over thirty years. I cried and cried. We thought for awhile that we would not live.

    But inside, one thought kept asserting itself. I will not give them any more of my life. I will not give them any satisfaction. If I have no friends, I will still live.

    We are better now. I am in college. Have to work full time. Can only take one class at a time, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I love history and I love learning. I intend to finish. You are young---you can do it!!!!!!

    Do make goals. Small ones at first. But decide that you have a future, and start living it, one day at a time.

    We are here for you. You are important. Who knows what you can accomplish if you put your mind to it?

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    It is very sad to read your story. The way to get back at the cult is to move on, and that will require you to retrain your thought patterns. I was unable to learn how to think positively through all the depression of leaving, so saw a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist (CBT). This teaches you how to look at a situation and concentrate on the positive instead of the negative. For instance, you have learnt alot from your background and you have proven huge strength in being able to overcome the mind control of a cult upbringing and see through it.

    You will find once you think positive and feel happier that your situation will improve. This is most important for your children. If you are miserable you have nothing to offer them. If you build a content life, they will want to be with you and imitate you. 2/3 of JW children leave, and this is likely to increase as the religion slips into irrelevance. When they are old enough to reason and see through it, they need you to be their to give them the help that you never had.

    PM me if you want me to send through more details and worksheets about CBT.

  • oompa
    oompa

    I have some ideas...and have also had a difficult time since waking up...but i was 44. how old are you now?.........oompa

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    ..So..You`ve had it all..What do you prefer?......I gave you a Kick in the Ass!..Because..I`ve been there..You need to Survive!.....And..You`ve had:.."Cry the Blues!".......It`s Time to take responsibility for your life!...............I wish you the best!.................Clint Eastwood...OUTLAW

  • justhuman
    justhuman

    Thanks for your great answers..You are all so great...By the way I do not even think to go back, plus I have received the real Baptizm in the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It was one of my greatest moments in life when I dive 3 times to the baptism pool.(The Orthodox baptizm covers completely your body beneath the water)Plus I cannot reject Jesus since I take Holy Communion. No way I will exchange that by going back to the JW's cult despite my sarrow...

    What I hate most is the fact the my marriage ended up and I still have small children in there. I want them to have the life I didn't have, I don't want them to be used by the WT anymore. My blind jw wife does ANYTHING to brainwashed them more, and subdue them under the control of the WT

    Unfortunately I don't have money to claim any custody, plus they are young and they need their mother. It is helpless to reason with her. She is completely brainwashed, and blaims me for braking the family appart. Once I told her: In my case NO one knocked on my door and tried to convert me. It was my own personal decision and research that lead me not to believing in the WT. Why do you condemn me, since YOU are doing the same thing to others. You knock their doors to convered them to JW's, don't you? So why you are complaining? The most crazy thing is that I have ALL Judge Jo's books and they are really insane. I show her the history of the WT from their OWN books, their false prophecies, pyramidology, flip flop doctrines and specially the one with the organ transplans. I asked her straight: What would have happened if one of our children needed a transplan in 1980 and you stayed faithful to the Org? For sure our child would be dead. But how would you react after few months when the GB changed their policy and transplans are ok? She didn't answer....then I asked the question again...Is this "God's Spirit" guidance or a man-made Organization? Why would God change His point of view, and leading thousands to die needesly...she didn't answer she just left.

    She is so brainwashed that she turned me to the elders for apostasy 2 times. The last time it was just a few months before our daughters wedding. I told her you are "fucking crazy. Why don't you wait untill she gets married and then turn me in. What difference it will make? You think that by facing judical comittee my mind will change? Don't you know that you are putting an end to our marriage? Why don't leave the way things are, since I'm innactive and I haven't spoken to anyone?"

    I was forbitten to attend to my daughters wedding, as you guess, I was "persona non grada".I realize how does the system in the WT world really works. I learned from a "wordly" friend who knows some JW's in my cong, that there are rumors about you that you are an "apostate". That was before I was turned in. The only time I express my doubts(again I was turned in)it was the first judical commitee. I NEVERED talked to any one regarding my doubts. I decided to fade. But they know well how to spread the word, don't they?

    Once an ex-jw said: "It is easy to leave the WT, BUT WILL THE WT LEAVE FROM YOUR MIND?"

    Now I realize the meanings of this words

    I thank you all, and for your prayers and support. I have to get on my feet for the first time in my life. I still have many years in front of me, and I will not allow WT to ruin my life or my childrens life.

  • fifi40
    fifi40

    Justhuman

    Firstly you have picked up the pieces and continued with your life, simply because you are here..........so give yourself a pat on the back for that.

    You recognised the jw religion for its falsehood and despite the painful experience leaving that caused, you did it and are out the other side.

    When we are 'born into it' we are conditoned all of our lives to expect life in the world to be a miserable experience. The jw religion taught us that we would be unhappy away from the organisation even if we were unhappy in it. This is mind control.

    For us to start on a life free of the jws where we experience happiness we have to alter the way in which our minds have been conditioned. We have to recognise that our thinking was done for us and we have had ingrained into us many, many lies and that we are the subjects of a flase method of thinking. We can see that the jws are wrong but we may still be under the influence of the way in which are minds and thinking process are influenced.

    If you can afford to seeking professional help which can help you re-learn the way in which you view life would be great. There are also many books which would aid you on your journey. But just opening your heart and mind to the wonderful life we have in the here and now is an excellent starting place. Finding somewhere beautiful to sit and ponder and taking in our surroundings and appreciating them can make us just grateful to be here. Recognising that thinking we cannot be happy, cannot be educated or cannot enjoy a job just because it is not highly paid is just the view we are taking now, somewhat influenced by the mind control we experienced. But we can pretty much do a ton of things if we just take one step at a time with an open heart and love.

    We suffer with a certain view of life, but once recognised we can choose to alter that view.........it is not written in stone.........you can decide to be happy..........put on some music you love and play it loud and see how your mood alters.

    I wish you well on your journey.

    Fi

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    It was not your fault.

    It was not your fault.

    It was not your fault.

    It was not your fault.

    Your parents and your family were sucked in by masters of their trade.

    Go out of your way to make new friends. Volunteer your help to any that need it.

    My new congregation is my local pub.

    The 'worldly people' that drink there are wonderful people. They ask for help and they offer help. They are better Christians than any JW. They are Humanitarians.

    My local pub is the local 'Job Exchange'. The official one is run by bureaucrats with a long record of getting it wrong because they don't know you.

    I was a victim of the cult until I was 52 years old.

    I let my family be brought up under cult mind control. They are still under it, but I am free.

    That doesn't mean that it is easy for me. I am treading on thin ice with my family relationships.

    At least I still have some relationship with my family because I didn't make the mistake of baptism. (That could change with the new wording the WT is using in it's descriptions of Apostates.) You don't have that luxury. You have to find your way without the help of your family.

    It can be done, but it takes a lot of effort on your part.

    Believe me, it is worth the effort.

    I have been putting in the effort and it has been paying dividends.

    It was not your fault.

    It was not your fault.

    It was not your fault.

    It was not your fault.

    Cheers
    Chris

  • NanaR
    NanaR

    JustHuman:

    I am so sorry that your family is so under the control of the Watchtower. Your situation is heartbreaking. My husband and daughters have not joined me in the Catholic Church, but they are no longer active Witnesses either. Stories such as yours make me appreciate where I am, even though I continue to pray that my family find Christ too.

    I will keep all of you in my prayers.

    The peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you always,

    Ruth

    http://nanaruthann.blogspot.com

  • Mr. Ted
    Mr. Ted

    "It's a new dawn
    It's a new day
    It's a new life
    For me
    And I'm feeling good!"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcaKtQfts-M

    There's been a lot of good advice in this thread. Trust going forward.

    Best wishes for you,

    Ted

    edit: the first one should work?

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