How Can people talk to Children like that.... (page 2)

Shawn10538

Not that this is an attribute of black people, but living here in Long Beach, several black families just moved into my apartment building. I hear every posible degrading, sexually explicit word imaginable, and in a variety of combinations, being hailed upon children, even tiny infants all day long.

Being a teacher in South Central, I see and hear the same kind of yelling and screaming by parents of my students all the time, right on school grounds or in front where they drop them off. Cursing at toddlers with words like MF, S***,( well, why bother listing them, they use them all.) Calling toddlers a "piece of s***" is a daily thing for these moms from the hood. Ride the Blue Line once and you'll see what I mean.

I honestly didn't know that kind of abuse (though some will just call it a cultural thing) existed until I spent some time in the hood, or in this recent case, my lovely landlords are bringing the hood to me.

There was a great article written when I was in my credential program on the subject of teaching black children, which is my job, that addressed the issue of why it is so hard for white people to teach black children. Without a doubt black children are the most challenging children to teach of all races and cultures, if you are going to divide people up in that way, this is an undeniable fact known by anybody who has ever tried it, and has been able to compare it to teaching any other race or culture of children.

One reason this one author said that it is so hard to do is that the parenting style of black parents involves very stern tones, yelling, screaming, cussing and talking with "attitude." So when a mild mannered whte guy stands up in front of a class of black students and mildly asks them to be seated and get ready to learn, laughter breaks out uncontrollably.

Black kids need you to go toe to toe with them before they will respect you because that is what their parents do. Unfortunately we can not cuss. In my experience the most successful days teaching black kids, I had to maintain an incredible amoutnt of intensity in my voice just to gt them to listen to me. If I didn't sound angry, they would just ignore me or laugh at me. You have to have a tone in your voice that says, "I am going to kill you you little MF if you don't sit your a88 down and shut up."

I am sure I will get a lot of replies from non-teachers or teachers who have never taught in the hood telling me I'm a racist. But, anybody who has actually taught inner city black kids will agree with me 100%. You have to be one tough MF to teach these kids. Their parents may be wise or ignorant in the way they discipline their kids, I don't know. I don't know if the kids are just so hard headed that you must yell at them all the time and that is why the parents do it, or possibly that is just the way the parents are and the kids being used to it must get similar treatment from every adult or else they don't mind them.

I don't know if the stern treatment is the reaction or the cause in other words. I just know if you come off as remotely weak, they will chew you up and spit you out. I have kids come up to me and tell me "F*** you MF! You ain't s*** to me" every single day. You have to come right back at them as if you were in a street fight, o else they will attck you every day like that.

Hope4Others

shawn & ex-nj-jw,

This is quite an experience you have given, I am no doubt out of touch with children these days and the stresses

of which parents or teachers must go thru. I guess today perhaps this hit me the wrong way, feeling she could of repremended them in the truck.

Every parent knows their child's needs and the way disciplinary actions should be taken....I've become a softy talk and time out..

h4o.

mrsjones5

Not that this is an attribute of black people

Please insert "all" between of and black. What you just expressed is why I don't live in the hood and raise my children there. One of the drawbacks of living where I live (mostly white town) is white folks here expect my children to be totally hoodish and that my husband and I have those hoodish attitudes when it comes to our children. More than once *sigh* my children's teachers have been pleasantly surprised.

aSphereisnotaCircle

I've certainly had my moments when I wasn't the best parent, and there have been a few times I wish i could turn back the clock and have a do-over.

But I still think its wrong to make exagerated threats to children. Threaten them with what you will really do if they continue in that behavior, not some exagerated threat of death or dismemberment

One parently figure of mine would regularly threaten to beat me to death, or break my arm off and beat me to death with it. Now i knew he would not really do that, but it is still de-humanizing, and it made me feel like shit. Threatening to deprive me of some privilege would have had a better effect, and I would have respected him more.

FlyingHighNow

I'm not defending the lady for saying what she did in public. It's not a good idea to argue with anyone in public like that. Hopefully the lady doesn't make a habit of that.

changeling

My kids used to call those kind of moms: "grocery store moms". They were always horrified at the things some parents would say in public. Once, when my son was 13, we were on vacation in NYC and I guess I was getting a little stressed. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and said: "Mom, you sound like a grocery store mom!". I straightend up right away.

changeling :)

snowbird

Shawn said:

I am sure I will get a lot of replies from non-teachers or teachers who have never taught in the hood telling me I'm a racist. But, anybody who has actually taught inner city black kids will agree with me 100%. You have to be one tough MF to teach these kids. Their parents may be wise or ignorant in the way they discipline their kids, I don't know. I don't know if the kids are just so hard headed that you must yell at them all the time and that is why the parents do it, or possibly that is just the way the parents are and the kids being used to it must get similar treatment from every adult or else they don't mind them.

I don't think anyone should ever be called a racist for simply telling it like it is, and you've told the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

There is a big difference in the parenting styles of Blacks, Whites, and others. Most of the seemingly bad attitudes of Blacks come from the fact that slavery and its legacy so dehumanized us that we feel the need to be defensive always. We're so used to being treated unfairly, that even when others' intentions are good, they are still viewed with suspicion and hostility.

Unfortunately, this bristly attitude is displayed too often in the home, school, workplace, etc. At my place of employment, I've observed Black people visibly tensing up when Whites ask routine questions. I've often had to smooth ruffled feathers over something which may seem trivial to most Whites.

That being said, I raised my two daughters to be polite to and respectful of all people. My oldest daughter has six kids, and she's raising them the same way. We live in a small area; the kids here are quite decent in comparison to some I've seen in the big cities.

However, there's one thing I noticed about White kids that has puzzled me for some time. When my daughter was in elementary school, she was in a magnet program that attracted kids from across the county. The school was mandated by Federal law to maintain a 50-50 concentration of Black and White students.

I used to volunteer quite a bit at her school. Once, I was given the job of monitoring a booth where the kids would pay to shoot at a moving target. They had to stand at a certain distance behind a chalk line. Of course, the closer you were to the target, the easier it was to hit, so I had to make sure everybody stayed behind the line.

I noticed that if I wasn't paying close attention to them, all the White kids would cheat. Not one - and I mean not one - of the Black kids tried to cheat, even when I was precccupied with something else. That has really stayed with me, and that was all of ten years ago!

Now, if I were a sociologist, I might explain it as Black kids supporting another Black parent, or White kids looking for an opportunity to stick it to a Black person because they've heard it's ok to do that. I'm not a sociologist, so I don't have an answer. This incident is just something that has lingered in my consciousness for some time now.

Sylvia

MissingLink

If you soften up on the kids just because you're in public - they'll quickly figure this out, and things will go horribly wrong.

BTW: Where in Ireland was it 29 yesterday? It's freezing out west.

Velvetann

I raised 4 kids, ( 4 kids in 6 years) at one point the oldest was 6, a 5 year old a 2 year old and a babe in arms. What a handful, and going out alone with them was quite a challenge to keep them safe and with me.

I never ever yelled at them or said nasty things to them at home or in public, thats just me. I do think its necessary to keep them safe and behaving and everyone has their methods.

the only thing I think is terrible is to use foul language with children and or threaten them with physical violence even if you don't mean it. My husband (we re divorced now) did that with our kids. He would use foul language, threaten to put them in the hospital and he would physically kick them in the ass if he got really mad. I hated that so I tried to be kind, loving and patient with them. Just my opinion

Velvet

WTWizard

Isn't it the mother's responsibility to watch her step? I can think of a lot of other things to trip on other than the boys. Like a dog, a squirrel, a twig that is lying there, a piece of sidewalk that is uneven, a rock--in fact, you are more likely to trip on those than on a boy that is more than a meter tall.

Sitting in the truck all day--at 29 C? To those in backward USA, that is about 84 F, which is very warm. Add a little sunshine, and the temperature in the truck can easily exceed 60 C (not 60 F, 60 C), which is 140 F. That is not a good way to kill someone--and spend some time in jail for not watching one's step.

How Can people talk to Children like that....

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