How Can people talk to Children like that.... (page 4)

aSphereisnotaCircle

Yeah missinglink,..... some dumb kids do believe what there parents say.

I use to threaten to send the kids to the car all the time. I'd say if you don't behave you're going to the car with your daddy! Their Dad would drive me around; but he didn't like to go into the store. Of course, the kids wanted to see what was going on in the store! They would straighten up and act right after I said that.

SixofNine

Two parents say to their respective kids: "Do that again and I'll slap you so hard your children will be born silly".

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It is good parenting in one case, and it is very bad parenting in the other case.

It's all about what the child already knows about their parent. And what any child should know about their parent, is that they can laugh at that threat, consistently (no surprise slaps, whipping, or beatings- no arbitrary "cuz-I'm-the-parent" parental authority, EVER), but also that the parent seriously wishes for the child to change his/her behavior (and why), and is gonna make him/her change it; but non-abusively.

In short, the sooner you let your kid in on the inside secret of the universe (that parent's have only the slimmest margin of moral authority to boss their children around*, and so should be as much more friend and guidance counselor than they are lord and master), the better.

.

* and most parents have squandered that by the time their kid is five

MsMcDucket

I'd tell my kids that they would be disciplined and that I didn't care if they called the police! I'd say they can take you to the Children's Home and give me a break!

My children look at me and ask how parents let their children get away with that stuff! They'd say "Mom wouldn't go for that!". The twins, actually, think that I raised great little Jehovah's Witness kids. The other two aren't Witnesses; but they knew that there was only so much that I would deal with before they chapped my hide! Don't try to clown on me in public!

Robdar

Wow, I actually agree with Sixofnine.

Well said.

amicus

"never taught in the hood telling me I'm a racist. But, anybody who has actually taught inner city black kids will agree with me 100%. You have to be one tough MF to teach these kids"

If you realize that this is more a condition of life in the hood and not just blacks in the hood, I don't think you are racist.

Please insert "all" between of and black

Critical point.

Most of the seemingly bad attitudes of Blacks come from the fact that slavery and its legacy so dehumanized us that we feel the need to be defensive always. We're so used to being treated unfairly, that even when others' intentions are good, they are still viewed with suspicion and hostility.

I agree, but I think it goes far beyond this. In many areas African Americans were treated worse after the Civil War than before it. This pretty much continued until Dr King and others forced white America to finally deal with this disgusting legacy. African Americans have a lot of catching up to do. Most American's don't realize that almost every, if not every Southern Town had laws on the books under the guise of "Vagrancy" and other clever names that made it essentially illegal to be African American. Proof of employment was required if one was challenged. How does a (often illerate) black sharecropper prove he's employed? Arrest for this was a "Go to Jail" card, no passing go. Life in one of many forced labor camp was punishment for this imaginary vagrancy.

Laws that made it illegal to quit your current employment unless you had written approval from your "boss" were common as well. Bet that made for some great working conditions.

Most of the dirty. dangerous jobs in the South and some in the North were manned by "vagrant" black workers who treated worse than slaves. After all this was "free" labor, these workers didn't cost anything to "buy". One dropped dead from the heat, malnutrition or disease...let the local sheffif know you needed another worker and he'd go out hunting for another vagrant. Historians are just starting to dig into this, but the data is there. Most towns still have records of it. The evidence is being slowly dug out of town hall records and old newspapers.

I'm not trying to be harsh on the "South" here. The "Civil War" was probably the worst possible way to have brought an end to slavery. It was pretty close to lose-lose, except for the carpet baggers of course.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that any group of people treated this way are going to travel a long hard road before they fully recover.

I didn't mean to hijack the thread, I actually had an on topic comment to make. My most recent x girlfriend had 3 young kids that were very poorly behaved. I've never seen kids as poorly behaved as hers before or since. The way my causasian gf treated them sounds pretty much like the "ghetto" treatment described in this thread. I was shocked time and again. At times I would take one aside give them a hug, and tell them that she didn't really mean what she had said. The way I interacted with her kids was completely different. My gf had a rough childhood, mine was as close to perfect as I can imagine. I usually attributed the difference in our parenting skills to that, how we had been raised.

I tend to put verbal abuse and physical abuse in the same category. Neither is acceptable. The funny thing is she was constantly asking her kids why they behaved me so much better than they did her. One actually told her once, because he's nicer to us than you are.

mrsjones5

I taught my kids from birth that when we go to the grocrey store not to ask for candy, not to nag me for anything, to behave in the store and most times they were fine. My kids have never had a tantrum in a store, not even Joshua. Sometimes I would ask them if they wanted something. They could have fruit, occaccionally they would get candy. But I made a mistake and said once too often when the kids would ask for something "we can't afford it". So one day in the store as my four kids and I were standing in the checkout line, my daughter (who was six at the time) smiled and said loudly "Mommie, can we have such and such when we can afford it?" I was moritfied and just stared at her. I didn't yell at her, I didn't retort nastily, I just brushed it off until we got to the car...then it was upset Mommie time (no one got hit...wasn't nessecary, just alot of Mommie doing some heated talking and besides it was kinda funny).

MsMcDucket

I'm Black.

My kids weren't raised in the ghetto.

And does ghetto equate with PWT? Both sound derogatory.

Child abuse occurs in all races and income levels.

Who determines what discipline is?

Most children need boundaries.

So you think that it warps the child to discipline them?

The best discipline is to give them a cookie?

"Inquiring minds want to know."

mrsjones5

I took my oldest son to work a few times when he was a toddler. A co-worker of mine gave my son a piece of candy (I think, can't remember what it exactly was) and I told my boy to say thank you. My co-worker said "Oh, he doesn't have to." I said "Oh, yes he does." This was puzzling to me cuz this is the same co-worker who said to me that it's going to be tough to raise a black boy cuz they're so violent. My oldest son is a very sweet and kind young man. Oh that co-worker was white.

MsMcDucket

This was puzzling to me cuz this is the same co-worker who said to me that it's going to be tough to raise a black boy cuz they're so violent.

Oh hell! Damn!

What is that sociology term that is used when people notice things about people who are different from them; but that they don't notice in their own race???

In some races it is said that "Boys will be boys!" or "They're just nippers! They will grow out of it!". But for the young Black youths it's criminal behaviour!

How Can people talk to Children like that....

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