As some of you know, me and my wife 2 years ago were accused of " circumstancial fornication" 1 month before we were married because my ex wife ( divorced 1998) and my youngest daughter , both witnesses, drove an hour and a half away from where they lived to find me at my fiances house at 9:30 A.M. in the morning to take my fiance to get her tires fixed. Both my fiance and me were fully clothed ! Then my ex-wife ran and gossipped to my witness parents and older siblings about it , bringing about them writing condemning letters to me ; without even checking out the accuracy of the false charges.
I am fine now wih my mom and dad, and I fought the DFing charge against the elders and won the appeal committee meeting in 2007 because there was not enough evidence to DF me. Plus I threatened to sue them . But I've never posted this letter my brother wrote me, nor my reply- so I thought it might help some who want to not let their self-righteous families push them around to show you don't HAVE to kowtow to your witness relatives- and if you feel you are being unjustly attacked , a person can make a stand.
Here is my brothers letter to me dated September 19, 2006.
It is with regret that I must write this letter after talking at length with your daughter and her mother ( my ex-wife ) this past weekend. I know you have made a decision not to follow the dictates of your dedication to Jehovah, as evidenced by your life course of recent times, but it pains me to see the hurt that has been experienced by those in our family because of your decisions.
To necessitate your daughter having to track your place of dwelling down to find out that you had been deceiving her about your living arrangements put her in a terrible situation. And to think that you can still have the company of your family as long as you aren't technically disfellowshipped because it doesn't say so on a piece of paper is difficult for us to swallow. You evidently indicated to your daughter that you were no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses and wanted nothing to do with them. Well my brother, we are " them ". Our relationship with Jehovah transcends family when that family repudiates Jehovah, his organization, and the truth of his word. You therefore are actually, in truth, in a disassociated state in Jehovah's eyes.
It is difficult for me to crawl inside the mind of someone who has left the protection of our loving God. Your evident interest in justifying your actions before the brothers and to anyone who will listen betrays a great selfishness on your part and a profound lack of humility. While journeying through life doing what you want to do , you have left a path of sorrow in your parents, your siblings, and now your children. It's something to think seriously about while you still have the opportunity.
Yes, you do still have an opportunity. The account of Luke of the prodigal son shows what a blessing the son received from his family when he stopped his errant course, turned around, repented, and strove to come back into association with his father - on his father's terms. He was welcomed back with open arms, as you would be if you changed your course of life to conform to the dedication you once made.
Until you choose to make that change, we will have no relationship with you. You will not be welcome in our home and we ask you not to contact us except as necessary for a humanitarian or family emergency. Oviously, we will not attend your wedding in October. I don't know what, if any, spin you will put on this to your fiance, but bear in mind that it is you and your actions which have made our decision necessary. You are certainly not helping her to have any chance at life at this point.
Our family is unified in our affirmative decision to serve Jehovah through his arrangement. It is our great hope that you reconsider your course of life and conduct and make efforts to rejoin Jehovah's family.... the only one with a future. You can still do this and reap the blessing of life, if you choose. Your brother, Mr. Flipper's brother.
Keep in mind I had not been attending meetings for 3 years when he wrote this letter. I had seen him only 2 times in 5 years - so it's not like we were close.
Here in part ( due to length) is my reply to him.
Dear brother, It's been quite awhile since I've heard from you. Nice to see that the only time you write me , instead of sharing normal family pleasantries, you decide to rip me from stem to stern putting yourself in God's place judging me as a human being based on hearsay, and misrepresentation.
It is no mystery to this family that I stopped going to meetings 3 years ago because of unjust treatment by the elders. You even agreed I was mistreated and supported me in my anger. It is the epitome of hypocrisy for anyone in this family to have normal family relations with me , and suddenly due to false hearsay, without even talking first to me, to treat me like I'm a terrorist or Osama Bin Laden. Very hypocritical. I'm not claiming to be something I'm not , knocking on people's doors pushing people to the witnesses, so don't hold me to that.
My daughter never had to track me down. While I lived near her for 3 years ; she never chose to visit me living a mile away- but once her mom heard I had developed a new relationship 60 miles north - it was just for causing trouble that she wanted to find out. I never stated " I want nothing to do with the witnesses. " That is alie. I respect you have those beliefs, I just have some differences with them. My fiance and myself are appalled at the mob mentality you seem to be fostering in the family based on supposition.
You claim I've lived a selfish life with a lack of humility . What do you living 5 hours away really know about what I've been involved with in my life ?? You say I " travel through life doing what I want to. " Well, do you care to know WHAT I've been doing ? I have been working hard at my business helping my son gt through college so he can become a responsible citizen and get a good education and become a responsible loving family head himself ! I have assisted my daughters materially and emotionally. Tell them I love them all the time- something you and I didn't hear much from our father.
It seems you and my family would be happy I am getting married - making this right in God's eyes, man's eyes, and the states eyes. But no, all you can do with your narrow, small mind is condemn what you know nothing of. I haven't had to spin this in any type of way for my fiance. She sees it for what it is - a hateful display of ignorance and stupidity by my prejudiced family.
One more thing . You mentioned humility sevearl times in your lecture of a letter to me. I'm sure you are quite successful being the head of the regional building committee accounts department in Northern Claifornia - for which you get many compliments for serving in this position. Good for you. I prefer to help people in a more quiet manner without the notoriety and hoopla . It's more satisfying helping people on a less visible playing field. Remember everything we do is NOT about appearance , it's about what is INSIDE the person that motivates them to help others.
You mentioned the family is making a united stand against me. Not true. I have family members who know the kind of person I am and are happy for me who will be at our wedding. Sharing our happiness. Sorry you feel you can't be there. I hold no malice towards you. You are always welcome in our home as long as you don't bring a put down condescending attitude with you. Love, Mr. Flipper
So that was that. My reply. Had no return letter from him. But a year later in September 2007 when our 80 year old mother had back surgery, he and his wife acted all loving and accepting to Mrs. Flipper and me. Are these people insane, or what ? So what are your thoughts on this interchange of encouragement between older brother and me ? You just have to laugh, or it will drive you crazy ! Sorry this was long- but I just want to show - we can make a stand against these people . Look forward to your thoughts