Reposting per JWFacts

Persephone69

Hi. I'm kind of a newbie. More of a lurker, I suppose. I mostly just read over Sparkplug's shoulder. I wasn't born into the borg. Was just assimilated and after about 7 years of the madness, chose to leave.

My two youngest were born while I was still in the borg. As a matter of fact, my ex-husband has just recently decided to become active again. No EARTHLY idea why he would return after being inactive, pagan, satanist, promiscuous, mason, organized religion going, porn addict, etc.... after 9 years BUT he did.

This is now the dilemma. Since he is going back to the meetings, he makes our kids go with him during his visitation. They HATE it. My oldest daughter (15) doesn't even want to go to his house because of it. My son (10) just wants to be with his dad so he doesn't complain to him about it. He complains to me, but not him because he's afraid his dad is going to be upset or his feelings would be hurt.

What would you guys do? In response JWFacts wrote: Persephone,

You have a difficult dilemma, and it deserves a post of its own as I am sure a number of people here will have ideas to help you.

If I were you I would write to your ex telling him you are concerned about him taking your children to a cult. Outline some reasons why you think it is damaging. You have made a good summary but for more ideas look at http://jwfacts.com/index_files/wrong.htm. There is also a section at http://www.jwfacts.com/index_files/mindcontrol.htm showing the negative affect a cult upbringing has a children. Ask him why would he have even contemplated going back himself? And then end letting him know that the children do not enjoy the meetings and by forcing them to go he is loosing their respect and damaging his relationship with them. That may scare him into re-evaluating the religion for himself as well as whether or not to take the kids.

any suggestions?

FreudianSlip

In my opinion 15 is old enough to decide not to go. He should respect that. Have you told him that his forcing her to go is hurting their relationship?

Solace1998

when he has the kids, would he be leaving them alone if he went to meetings?

because in most places, that is illegal...

Scarred for life

15 is old enough to decide for herself whether she wants to have anything to do with JW or not.

And it is NOT illegal to leave a 15 year old at home alone or even a 15 year old in charge of a 10 year old. What are you talking about?

Persephone69

FS, yes, I've told him. No, he doesn't care. She has told him that she doesn't want to go. She's gotten to the point where she doesn't even answer the phone if he calls. Solace, lol, no she's 15. It's not illegal and she's old enough to watch her brother. If they stayed home, they wouldn't be by themselves. His 4th wife and her 3 kids would be there. She's a "good Christian woman" (smirk) and doesn't have anything to do with the JWs.

doofdaddy

What is your communication like with your ex? Would he consider a round table with you and the children? Do you have a mature neutral relative or mutual friend who could mediate? In my experience jw parents in this situation tend to blur their role as a parent, not seeing that their noncustodial children have a different opinion but still love them and want to see them. Once this is clearly and occasionally, firmly pointed out, the true parent comes out. Sadly sometimes that parent isn't a "good" one and they cut away from their children.

Persephone69

We have communicated successfully in the past. Within the past couple of years though, that isn't the case.

We've tried mediation. It didn't work at ALL. His requests were completely unreasonable. He moved 230 miles away and wanted the kids to travel every weekend to be with him. He wanted them from the day summer vacation started until the day before school started and the entire Christmas break, spring break, Thanksgiving, etc.

I have asked him on numerous occasions to come to family therapy for the kids and he refused.

Little background. After we divorced, we lived in the same area so the kids could see both of us every day. They spend 2 weeks at his house, 2 weeks at mine but I would pick them up from school everyday regardless of whose week it was. Everything seemed to be working fine. We had our moments where we got on each others nerves and didn't speak BUT it worked out. Then, he quit his job and moved. It's been really hard on the kids but he didn't think to take them into consideration.

Solace1998

maybe in georgia it isnt - but as a kid my mom got threatened by child services because we were home alone constantly while she was at work. This is New York im speaking of. What are YOU talking about? Can you site a law? Or just what you think?

Solace1998

"His 4th wife and her 3 kids would be there. "

well, in this case its totally fine. They dont have to go.

Persephone69

maybe in georgia it isnt - but as a kid my mom got threatened by child services because we were home alone constantly while she was at work. This is New York im speaking of. What are YOU talking about? Can you site a law? Or just what you think? IP: ItUvp5ZEaX6Q8ss1

Solace, did you miss the part where the kids wouldn't be by themselves? Even if they were, the laws in the state in which we reside dictates that children above the age of 12 can stay by themselves. At the age of 14 they are allowed to babysit.

Is there a problem here? I'm sorry that your mother had a hard time while raising you. Please trust in the fact that my children are not unsupervised for any length of time, much to my 15 year old's chagrin.

Reposting per JWFacts

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