Wow...I am so hurt and angry and in sheer disbelief I don't even really know where to start. Ok first off, my mother has multiple personalities. I had asked my mother a couple questions in reference to that. My father believes that her system created an alter specifically to give birth to me (which must've been quite the chore as I was an entire month overdue and 26 hours in labor) based on her behavior thru the whole process. So after knowing that I had been curious if there had been a specific alter to conceive, because the whole process of my conception and birth was a little odd, in fact because of my fathers *ahem* equipment down there he wasn't supposed to be able to have kids. Those are the questions she is referring to below (I'll be pasting her email). So I am confused why that sends here to a dark place. Perhaps she misunderstood my questions. Then when I didn't hear anything back from her, I sent her THIS email:
hey Mom :) I hope you are feeling well. Did the health issues you referred to before clear up? How are you feeling as of late? How is dad?
I hope my last questions didn't go...too far beyond your comfort level. I am just really curious about it all. Are there things, feelings, senses, that perhaps you haven't been able to explain or quite able to pinpoint that have held you back from talking about my question? I hope it didn't cause undue issues with your system. I certainly didn't mean to put you off. I have heard, thru the all to inaccurate grapevine, that the society has tightened up on their DF communication stance recently. I understand, though am saddened, if that is a cause for distance.
I am in a really good place right now in life, I very much wish I could share that with you. Though I know we will be, for the short time remaining, on seperate sides of the scriptural, religous and societal fence, it my is my true, heart felt, hope that when "the end times" culminate we can once again reunite and perhaps rekindle that mother/son bond we began the night I came to you.
I have come to know much since the last time you saw me, and though our definitions may be different, please know that my sense of spirituality (can you believe that word actually came out my mouth?) has grown exponentially.
I love you and dad, very much, I miss you. It is my hope that one day soon we can actually be...well you know, a "family." To this day I still wish I had a brother, always felt that, now exactly sure why.
I hope all is well. Though I do not neccessarily expect a reply, I look forward to it.
much love,
your son.
OK that was my email, here is her reply:
Sorry about taking so long to reply. I am feeling better; just one of those female things. Dad is fine-he doesn't have the same health challenges as I do.. I do want to address your questions presented in the last e-mail you sent.
The questions you posed in the previous e-mail did indeed make me uncomfortable. I don't mind giving you answers to questions that are relevant to your mental and emotional health. But questions that don't relate to that and are only to satisfy curiosity about personal matters are not ones I want to discuss. Every time you ask a question like that takes me back to places I don't care to go. If getting to the answer were in some way helpful to me I will explore painful thoughts, but I can't do that to satisfy curiosity.
Last time I visited your place I found myself disappointed. Smoking is certainly your decision but I can't pretend that it doesn't bother me. Spiritual things aside, smoking cigarettes is a deadly habit not only to the smoker but EVERYONE around him or her. That includes children and pets. It demonstrates a general lack of respect on the part of the smoker for themselves and others. It also demonstrates a certain amount of selfish thinking. I hope you can discover a better way to get whatever it is smoking gives you.
The other matter is that of the pornography. I was astounded that you had put those pictures up. But you also knew I was coming and you chose to leave them up; even when I said I needed to use the bathroom you didn't do anything other than to "warn" me that there were some "dirty pictures" in there. Again I won't even discuss the spiritual things. The fact that you have those in the bathroom that both you and Angelique use is incredibly self-centered and thoughtless to say the least. I was SO VERY offended on so many levels and yet you seemed unconcerned. I came to the conclusion that you really don't have much respect for yourself or for other people, including me. It wasn't easy for me to come that day as I was feeling pretty crummy-again the female stuff. But I did, as my concern for your emotional and mental health is always on my mind. What I saw that day were choices you have made, as an adult, that have nothing to do with me or the way you were raised. I really don't believe you intend to be selfish or thoughtless. I'm guessing that you don't truly think deeply about decisions you've made or will make in the future. I hope that too changes.
I am not sure of what you mean when you refer to your spiritual sense. I too wish we could be a family; I miss you terribly. But I cannot sacrifice my loyalty to the Sovreign of the Universe even for you, whom I dearly love. I was taken aback when you said that Jehovah is selfish. I think that was the most hurtful thing that day. It seems that your thinking has become like that of those who were so abusive to the both of us. That is the greatest tragedy of all and it breaks my heart.
I know this e-mail is very frank; I imagine you may find it offensive. I don't mean it to be. I need to be honest with you though; I love you too much to give you half-truths or platitudes. For right now our communication will be limited to family matters of urgency. I hope that you will at least give some thought to what I've said. Again I'm not trying to hurt you; I love you!
Mom
The smoking and porn she refers to was when she came over to my house several months ago and saw the cigarettes, and then some very naughty pics I had up in my bathroom (which I actually DID have a good reason for having them up, but she didn't want to hear about it). Mom's will be moms and I can totally see and understand her concern in those two areas. BUT to compare adult pornography with the exploitation of children (what her and I suffered from her father) is uncalled for. On top of that, because of my choice not to be a part of the society and my feeling (which she ASKED for when she was over, I did NOT offer) that Jehovah is selfish, and how I live my life, means I think like my SEXUAL ABUSE PERPETRATOR is absolutely hurtful. I literally cannot believe those words came out of her mouth.
*SIGH*
I am already an only child and an outcast from what family I did have. My therapist previously recommended I cut them off completely and think of myself as an orphan. I'm beginning to think about taking her advice.
My mother says my thinking is now like he who sexually abused me
by feenx 14 Replies latest jw friends
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feenx
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Hope4Others
I think first you need a really big hug...
I can see how you would be very hurt by what she has said, I also sense that she has a very troubling past that she has
not dealt with and may never. It puts her defense systems up to recall these things. I can however see her point about the pictures
I myself have boys your age, I can say it wouldn't make me happy to see that stuff on their walls. Maybe just out of embarrassment.
It may have been good to put them away for the day.
I hope you can get through this pain somehow, perhaps your therapist has the right idea especially if it will help you find
some sort of closure to a difficult situation. If your mom has different personalities then the softer one will come around again.
Wishing you peace,
From a mom....
h40
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lisavegas420
My adult kids don't decorate to my tastes either, but I don't avoid them because of it..
I just roll my eyes.
lisa
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tall penguin
(((feenx)))
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John Doe
(which I actually DID have a good reason for having them up,
What reason is that? You got to admit having dirty pictures up where you know your mom is going is more than a bit strange.
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4mylove
"For right now our communication will be limited to family matters of urgency"
Do they really say things like this?!
What a loving society.
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Gopher
For right now our communication will be limited to family matters of urgency.
That's exactly what my JW mom said to me too, on behalf of her and my dad. I have come to terms with practically being an orphan.
It isn't easy to cope with -- because it's normal to want good relationships with our parents. Unfortunately their heart and conscience have been hijacked. It can come (and for many of us it already has come) to the point where there's nothing you can say, and there's no getting through to them. THEY are the ones doing the cutting-off, and then they blame US for the separation. They look for reasons to treat us this way -- and you can look at almost anyone (inside or outside the organization) and find things wrong and reasons to avoid someone. But it's especially harsh to do it to your own children (or when JW children do this to their parents).
Feenx, I'm so sorry it has come to this for you. At some point in life everyone loses their parents, but normally it happens because of physical death rather than the death of a relationship. Either way, it's an empty feeling.
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feenx
You know for me, I can deal with this obsessive loyalty to jehovah. I can deal with only wanting to speak for emergencies. The statement that gets me when she said "It seems that your thinking has become like that of those who were so abusive to the both of us. That is the greatest tragedy of all and it breaks my heart." The person she is comparing me to in that sentence is her father, who is still an elder, and is responsible for the sexual abuse of his three living children, the suspected murder of his infant daughter (who would've been my mother's older sister) and sexual abuse of myself and three cousins on that side of the family. The memories I have of his abuse are graphic, vivid and absolutely the worst display of evil a human could ever perform. And THIS who my mother is comparing her SON to.
THAT is what breaks my heart. -
SixofNine
You goad a mentally ill woman into responding to a horrible affront from you, and now you're complaining about her response being a little bit unreasonable? And let's be clear, if all she really said was that your "thinking" has become like those that hurt you... she didn't call you a pedophile or a child killer. I'm sure she meant to be hurtful, because to her mind, you are hurting her.
Sounds like a grotesque situation all around, but sharing porn with your MPD and WTBS addled mom is not exactly helping.
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feenx
What horrible affront from me are you referring to?