Was my entire life fake?

BonaFide

So I start thinking about all my "privileges." I went to MTS, took 600 pages of notes, went to my assignment, I am still serving under the MTS program. I was a C.O. for a few years until my circumstances changed. But I mean all those meetings, and appointments and Pioneer Schools and KM schools, and meetings with the D.O. and Judicial Committees, I mean this has been my WHOLE LIFE.

Sometimes I just go to the meeting, give my parts, deal with whatever issues we have to deal with after the meeting, and I sort of like pretend its all the same as before - that Jehovah is running everything through the Faithful and Discreet Slave. It's so much easier for me since I was raised in the truth.

But other times, like when someone says something like "Hey, when we reach perfection after the 1000 years" or "How can people take blood transfusions and break God's law like that", that really hits me hard. I mean, I believed all that to the death.

So all of it was fake? Wow the Matrix is a similar story. Unbelievable.

But yesterday a sister came to me for counsel, she said, "What should I do since I want to take some college courses? Will I get into trouble because of the recent DC? I told her she had a great idea and she should not worry what others say and go to college and do good. She had like a mini heart attack. She said "I can't believe YOU of all people saying that. I thought you would encourage me to put Jehovah first."

So I was stuck. But I can't in good conscience give her wrong advice, can I? She did go away puzzled but seemed happy.

For some reason I am proud of my "accomplishments" even though I am finding out they are all fake.

Another thing that is weird is that I still view birthdays as "bad" and Christmas too. And going in Service makes me feel good. I read the new book from the DC already, and even though it is full of rules and regulations. I can't bring myself to say it has lies in it. I still felt good when I finished it. Is that weird?

This is curing me though.

little witch

Bonafide, Perhaps you should refrain giving people the important advice until you are more sure? I mean, if you "feel good" about something so important as religion and spiritual advice, you should be absolute in your convictions. I don't think you are weird, but I do think you are unqualified, and unsure of your own convictions. (a thing I celebrate, not insult). Find yourself. Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know". You will gain knowledge and respect for doing so. LW

oompa

Bonafide: And going in Service makes me feel good. I read the new book from the DC already, and even though it is full of rules and regulations. I can't bring myself to say it has lies in it. I still felt good when I finished it. Is that weird?

Oh My!!...and welcome newbie.....but you really may need some professional help! How can service make you feel good? What are we going to tell people? The end is very very near and those alive in 1914 will never die off before the end comes and I would never graduate because of 1975 but did in 1979????

and if God did have a chosen nation...the jews....what happened to them?....a bunch of horrible rule makers took over!!!!!!!!........sound familiar?? arrrrrghhhhhhh.................oompa

and give advice all you want...esp on education...they can still be close to jah cause it is very personal thing....not an organizational thing.....plus...if you are wrong, the wt pendulum is always swinging too.......

nomoreguilt

Bonafide.......Cudos to you my friend! You are in an excellant position to HELP others that can't help or think for themselves. I would carry on just like you. If it isn't in print as a definate NO NO, don't worry about it. Yes, you may think that you wasted a lot of time but look at it this way. You now know the TRUTH about it all. many of us like yourself were born into it, led to believe it to be the truth. Perhaps in your own spiritual mind you do have a belief system in a god and creator, but you don't have to believe in an organization. They deviate from what is written in the scriptures and turn to their own desires and needs at the moment.

Build upon what you KNOW to be true, not what the wts wants you to believe. Continue to read up on jwd about the U.N. affair and the pedophile issues. I am sure that in a matter of a short time you will lose this romantic notion of the wts being the only channel to salvation.

I was raised as a jw and practiced it for 43 years. I had had my dobts but had too many relatives in to make any waves over doctrine. Now, like many here, I no longer practice a belief system. Life is too short. Enjoy your new found mental freedom and push ahead to realise the real you. You hace alot to live for in this new life, don't waste too much more time. I. myself have been fading now for 4 years. No kh, no assmblies no nothing.

Take care of yourself

NMG

little witch

YES! What NMG said (more eloquent than I) And btw, welcome to the board Bonafide. LW

Dagney

Welcome Bonafide! What an honest and touching post.

Your story is like many here...it feels good to share it in a safe place doesn't it? You are going to go through such a range of emotions as the scales fall off your eyes.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying service, I didn't mind it either...I always had a good time, in fact I still always have a good time...lol. However, oompa is right, there will come a time when you have to consider what you are preaching and teaching. To us here, truth is something that cannot be compromised. Once you find out one thing is incorrect, then the next, then the next...there is no turning back for us here.

Take your time...come here and vent, share, seek advice...we are in all stages of JW and ex JW'ism.

Again welcome and I look forward to your posts.

PS. Sorry it went sticky with the advice to the sister about college. But, really, those in position of giving counsel should give as they would want to be given...you know it is not sinister to want more knowledge about anything, trade, work, our faith.

BabaYaga

Dear Bonafide,

I am loving your posts. And no, your years were NOT fake, and they were NOT a waste of time. You did those things with a pure heart, and that is something to be proud of. Always do what you think is right, so that even if you make a mistake, you can still love and respect and forgive yourself.

Don't rush the birthday thing. Don't rush ANYTHING. Come to peace with what is at your OWN comfort level.

Peace and wisdom to you.
Love,
Baba.

jaguarbass

Welcome to the board.

Like Solomon said, in the end its all vanity.

Gopher

BonaFide,

I think you're sensing a certain feeling of accomplishment in what you accomplished in the organization, mainly in helping people to the best of your ability. And there's a certain comfort in the routine of activity, even JW activity -- being the treadmill that it is.

But there are signs throughout all your posts, that continued membership in the JW's is causing you cognitive dissonance.

I found that after leaving JW's behind, one doesn't leave one's whole personality behind. There are certain things learned, certain experiences we had that will certainly be useful in the future. It just won't be used in the service of a man-made organization. Maybe you'll find ways to be a community volunteer, or have other outlets for the way you help people. Who knows, maybe you can get involved in some sort of lecturing / speaking / teaching. Or you'll discover some other way to use your talent. You'll be able to use whatever strengths you've gained in the future.

So it wasn't all a waste.

yknot

Your life wasn't/ isn't fake.....

You did as you were expected, you accomplished a fine record and I am sure you are considered quite the JW hottie with such stats!

Frankly it shows you can discern directives and follow through which is a very desirable trait.

I still have moments when my Momoneers are over and I miss so much of some JW things....but then like you I wake up and realize that the WTS speaks with a forked tongue....BTW I am still anti Xmas and birthdays.....not sure if it will wear off and don't sweat it.

I am proud of you encouraging her to go........Future scriptural reference:

(Ecclesiastes

3:1) . . .For everything there is an appointed time, even a time for every affair under the heavens. . .

Surely Jesus completed an apprenticeship before 30......

Was my entire life fake?

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