so anxious....first joint therapy tomorrow with jw wife....how much do I...

by oompa 17 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  oompa

  share on the first visit? I am ready to EXPLODE!!.....I am tired of the apostaphone and the double life....I feel like a cheat and haven't even gotten to! So how does this thing go? I have already met with the counselor and was totally honest about jw, wife, not liking having a jw wife etc.

  I want to ask:

  Would you rather be married to an open minded person or a close minded person?

  Would you rather join a religion that says examine any and everthing about us, or one that says only look at our stuff?

  things like these....

  The bottom line is she would not want to marry someone like me now, and I would never pick someone like her (esp JW) now......should I say that???......................oompa
• 

  kzjw

  Been doing the therapy thing for a couple of months...feel exactly as you do (which scares the hell outta me) Take it slow & play fair...but watch out for that "psycological right hook"! Hurts like a Mutha!

  good luck!
• 

  VoidEater

  1) Be willing to listen.

  2) Be willing to tell the truth.

  Be clear about your goals in therapy, and in an individual session. Be sure your session goal supports your therapy goal. View it as a strategy to a goal.

  If you have no immediate goal other than explore what is true, then be aware of that.

  I think your questions point to the heart of your issues. The answers may define what your goals in therapy might be. But be aware that there's a way to ask a question that is nothing more than an accusation. Be clear if you are trying to make a point, or seeking information.

  I think you should use the first session to create safety, and define goals. Depending on your wife's personality, you might not be able to get everything off your chest in the first session but instead might need to get her buy-in into the process first.
• 

  oompa

  Thanks guys...sounds like you have been there too....I am not natured to take it slow...so will really work on that tomorrow.........otwo....lance...where are you guys?........and others in my boat?.............oompa
• 

  Metamorphosis

  well i'm certainly not going to give advice on how to deal w/ the wife...but i certainly will wish you the best and hope you can work things out. i loved my wife dearly and even though we no longer had 'jw-life' to share, i still loved who she was at the core of herself. if you still feel that way about yours, i hope you can reconcile the religious differences.

  still hoping to catch you next time i'm in NC...take care!

  Morph
• 

  OUTLAW

  Good Lord Oompa..This sounds like it`s going to be a disaster..Time to start working on the Jeep again..........OUTLAW
• 

  watson

  When you say "joint" therapy, are you talking about new herbal methods?
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  ....I feel like a cheat and haven't even gotten to! So how does this thing go?

  Amen on that "cheat" part. I can relate. Maybe you can let the therapist/counselor
  take a bit of an active role in where the conversation should go.

  I can imagine productivity comes from respecting and acknowledging each other's
  feelings, while not necessarily agreeing with them.

  Wish you well, whatever direction it takes.

  Your pal, Jerry
• 

  Thechickennest

  Been there. There might be some surprizes.....It can be a healing thing if all goes well. Hope that you and the wife can establish some common ground and bury the hatchets. Mrs Chickennest and I left the organization at different points. My mental departure was a few years before she decided to join me. It took a lot of time and I respected the time she needed to decide what to do. I was ready for her to pull stakes if that was her decision to choose and stay in with her extended family. We have always been in love, soul mates so to speak, that helped. Our therapist said that our challenges were easier because neither one of us had participated in extra-marrital affairs. We had a small child to raise as well. Having the kid was a bond that held us together and kept us focused on a positive future for the family.....oh ooompa, am I boring you? sorry. I wish you well. You are a good man.

  Duane
• 

  Awakened at Gilead

  Hey bud,

  I saw this thread just as I was leaving work, but no time to respond... I sent you an email though (I think).

  I am tired of the apostaphone and the double life....

  I think this is the healthiest part of talking to Mrs. oompa. Once you don't have to hide things from her, both of you should feel better. I think where you need to be careful (and I mentioned this to Jerry when I spoke with him) is explaining why you needed to hide things from her in the first place. So be prepared to answer "why didn't you tell me?"

  Lance