I have a question (I'm new)

kaykay

This is my first post so let me start out by saying hi haha. I'm not a Jehovah's Witness and neither is anyone in my family. My daughter is dating a born in though and there are obviously problems because of it. His mother just got whiff that he might have a "worldly" girlfriend and all of a sudden he's kept super busy and she's taking him to Bethel in 2 weeks.

My daughter is very scared that his mother is trying to get him to choose to be a pioneer. Could this be the case with the sudden decision to go to Bethel (from California)? They are actually from Hawaii (he lives in both Cali and Hawaii since his parents are divorced) and just got to Cali a couple of days ago. We live in Idaho and are moving very close to where he lives in California in a couple months.

It's a very long story about how they met almost three years ago but they are very close even though they haven't ever met in person yet. We were going to visit California and set up stuff for our move to coincide with his visit (his mother wants him to live with her until he's 18 in december because he's the last of her kids and he's lived with his dad since he was 12 when they divorced and she's finally feeling guilty) but when she heard there might be a girl involved in his desire to visit Cali, she all of a sudden changed her plans and decided to go with him to Cali and then take him to New York for 2 weeks of the month he was going to be there. My daughter is very upset and as I said, she's also quite worried there might be a major change in his thinking once his mother really puts the pressure on him to choose Jehovah and give up not only my daughter, but all his other dreams and plans as well.

I know this is confusing, but really I just want to know if this trip to Bethel might be an effort by his mother to keep him in line with how she wants him to be and if so, what can we expect might come out of his visit there? Ahhh! This is so hard to explain. I'm sorry for being so confusing =\

treadnh2o

I believe most here will encourage you to let this happen. It should be chalked up as a life experience for your daughter. If this boy is really willing to give up his family for her I can promise you there will always be pressure on him and your daughters relationship will suffer. No one wants their children to be hurt so I encourage you to look at the big picture.

treadnh2o

And welcome aboard!!

BabaYaga

Hello and welcome, KayKay... first of all, tell your daughter to prepare for heartache.

Second, read the threads in "relationships", I'm afraid you'll get a better idea of what you're apt to face there. In addition, this entire forum is rife with the pain of having one spouse a JW and one "unbelieving mate".

Best to steel yourselves.

Love,
Baba.

megs

Hi kaykay, I feel for you daughter, and I've been in her situation... If he's born-in, he's been indoctrinated from childhood... Ultimately, he will be asked to choose between God and your daughter. It's a sorry state of affairs, but us "worldly" folks are not considered to be good enough for JW's, and the odds are not in her favour. Whatever you do, don't allow your daughter to join the JW's, it can be an attractive proposition if you're in love with someone, and unless he's not a strong JW, that would be the only way the relationship would have any chance of working. You haven't said... Is his father and family JW's? Has he been baptised? Encourage your daughter to read this site. To be fair, I should say that there ARE situations of JW's marrying worldly people, but there is a lot of conflict as many here will tell you...

Also, there are some pretty strict rules for dating in Dub world... Chaperoned (even if you're wellllll into adulthood), and more importantly, you don't date unless you're thinking you might marry the person, casual dating is a big no-no!

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Welcome kaykay !!

The chips are kinda gonna have to fall as they may at this time. As for your daughter, don't let her get too attached.

As for the young man, he's too young and unlikely to ever be accepted to Bethel. As for visiting New York for 2 weeks, unless they have friends to otherwise entertain them, what are they gonna do? The tour of Patterson and Wallkill can be done in 1 day. Brooklyn and Stanley Theater in another day. What will they do the other 10 days? Recently, a family I know visited Bethel and the teen daughter came back all excited about "da troof" for about a week. Within another month she was involved in conduct that prompted a later judicial committee and reproof. If his mom thinks she can suddenly excite her boy to JW stardom, it isn't going to happen unless he buys into the full-scale deception... like I did.

Do you think that when he turns 18 he'll be ready to move out on his own? Maturity? Finances?

B the X

Robdar

You say this:

My daughter is dating a born in though and there are obviously problems because of it. His mother just got whiff that he might have a "worldly" girlfriend and all of a sudden he's kept super busy

Then you say this:

It's a very long story about how they met almost three years ago but they are very close even though they haven't ever met in person yet. We were going to visit California and

Your daughter isn't dating this fellow. They sound more like pen pals. I hardly think that email chatting warrants calling your daughter this young man's "worldly girlfriend".

I just want to know if this trip to Bethel might be an effort by his mother to keep him in line with how she wants him to be and if so,

Really, how funny you should be thinking this when you haven't even met him or his mother. Why not let the scenario play out before you invest so much energy worrying over the matter? It's entirely possible that your daughter's cyber life romance with this young man will fizzle out once they meet in real life.

Lizmarie

Hi if he is under 18 i think he should be living with one of his parents, as for the matter of him going to bethel, unless he has been invited to live there by the society he wont be staying...His mother can't make him be a witness if he is baptised then he should live up to his chose of becoming a witness, if he isn,t then it is on him to make the chose to become a witness not his mothers. No one can force someone to be anything that they dont want to be at the end of the day the individual person has to do it for themselves.

jgnat

It's very tough to buck a JW mother, and it is better your girl find out if her boyfriend is capable, now, rather than later. Being with a JW is very difficult, and decidedly unromantic. The seasonal holidays are ignored, and there is very little to make the girl feel special. There is also a tendency, in the rush to avoid "fornication" to talk about marriage early.

All of this makes for a rather emotional and difficult courtship.

I suggest you be there with the kleenex when this romance fizzles.

White Dove

I really don't think JW's believe in courtship as it really is.

I think it's more like regular play dates under the close eyes of chaperones.

There is never any private time to talk face to face about important issues.

Do JW's conduct the private areas of courtship via phone calls and e-mails?

That's no way to date for real.

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