Speaking as someone who grew up in the bs let me just say that the boy is going against all the rules anyway and probably wouldn't be allowed to go to bethal if the elders knew he was running around with such a worldly sinner as your daughter. So first off he's breaking rules. They are good rules to break but........ Secondly he's comfortable leading a double life so what makes anyone think he wouldn't continue to lead a double life as a husband? Yep mom is trying to protect him from your horrible daughter. Sounds like a great family to join.
I have a question (I'm new)
by kaykay 20 Replies latest jw friends
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QuestioningEverything
I feel bad that you are allowing her to become so emotionally involved with someone she's only communicated with on the phone or internet. I agree with Robdar, they sound more like penpals.
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trevor
KayKay
Welcome to the board.
There are not many people here who have not been JWs. Dating a JW seldom works for outsiders, unless they join the religion.
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insearchoftruth
Welcome KayKay,
Ask lots of questions and read the threads here, lots of great advice and better for her to find out now rather than later.....I did not learn about the grip of this organization until I was married. My wife has never been baptized, but 'yo-yos' in and out depending on her schedule and what has happened in the world to cause the 'end times' discussion to get active again!
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kaykay
As I said in my first post, it's a complicated situation and I assure you my daughter never intended to get this attached to the boy. They were just friends and met when she was 13 and he was 14 through a friend of hers who lives down the street. For some reason they hit it off and became great friends over IM, XBOX Live, and on the phone. His parents didn't know anything about him talking to her until very recently and they talked almost everyday for the last 3 years. they do other things (they both have jobs they like, friends, do well in school (both are homeschooled), enjoy other activities) and aren't obsessed with each other or anything or i would have put a stop to it a long time ago. shortly after my daughter turned 16 we found out we were going to move because my husband, whose a builder, got a huge bid in southern california building a subdivision and, very strangely enough haha, it's only a couple of miles away from where this boy lives. as soon as they found out, they decided to consider themselves a couple since they would be able to be together in person soon. we're moving there in september and he'll be back from Hawaii as soon as he turns 18 in december (he was moving back in July, after visiting his mother for 3 months, until his mother found out about my daughter and decided to keep him till he's 18).
His dad is a JW also, someone asked, but he's quite different than the mother. also, i don't know if the boy (i can't say his name of course) has been baptised. someone else said there's no one-on-one time for JW daters to talk but obviously these kids have been doing that for years haha. my second oldest daughter is also very good friends with him and my husband even talks to him quite often. even though it's unconventional, the kids really care for each other and I haven't been able to dissuade my daughter from wanting to be with him. for some reason they haven't been interested in anyone else since they met so we'll see what happens when they finally do get together i guess. i have told her many times that it might very well end up in heartache and she said she knows that so i don't know if there's anything else i can do. its funny how some people on this board think this is just a silly little crush...if it was i wouldn't have been worried about it at all and never would have asked for advice. i have heard his name said in my house at least once a day for 3 years by one person or another (i have 6 kids) so at this time it doesn't look like he's gonna just *poof* and disappear out of her life. i'm not going to forbid her from talking to him or i'll just have a kid sneaking around also and that wouldn't help the situation at all.
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Solace1998
relationships with non-jws are bound to be fraught with problems.
both in the relationship need to be totally straight with each other as to what they want.
unfortunately, unless one converts the other, its somewhat doomed :(
-- indecision can lead to alot of tension as well.
trust me, i know. -
SuperApostateGirl
KayKay,
It can be done there is a possibility,I was raised in the religion and now I now have nooo problem decorating my Christmas tree or celebrating my birthday with my "Wordly Husband",although many of these posts are quite accurate on heartbreak and the drama of Jws,there is still a 50\50 chance.He has been leading a double life and has no problem doing so.As far as his mother taking him to Bethel,thats like taking your son to a convent! Not very apealing. If this boy does choose your daughter over Jehovah the god of the cult,expect to be his only family.If hes only a publisher and not baptised he can leave alot easier and his parents won't be obligated to shun him forever if he's disfellowshipped.They may choose to do so anyway but can always reconcile later,hopefully. Everybody has their own heart to follow and in my experience the rate of young JW's leaving this organization is huge.So I hope the best for your daughter,prepare her either way.
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Wasanelder Once
Kaykay, Tell your daughter to meet someone else. W.Once
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StAnn
KayKay,
You've said very negative things about his mother, whom you've never met. Perhaps you should reserve judgment until you meet her.
Also, your daughter has been talking to him on the phone every day for three years and his mother just now found out? Doesn't this set off alarm bells in your head about how this boy is able to be this deceptive? If he can lie to and deceive his mother, he can do it to your daughter. And to you.
Besides, none of you have met him. I knew another couple who was just so in love, met on the internet, telephoned, etc. Until they met face to face. People are often very different in person than you think they are going to be.
How do you know your daughter is the only girl he's "cyber-dating?" How would you know? You're putting an awful lot of trust in this young man, whom you've never met, and whose family you've never met.
I sincerely hope your daughter doesn't get hurt.
StAnn
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yknot
Check your inbox...PM waiting.