What was the most laughable JW teaching?? (page 5)

kurtis

Hey, I'm new here. My wife divorced me with no grounds. I was single but 'still married' in the cong's eyes. Started dating a 'worldly lady' and she stayed at my house over night with no sexual relations. I was publicly reproved and the ex-wife granted a scriptual divorce based on my 'adultery'. She later turned up pregnant and unmarried with no public action. By the way, I'm a Paramedic and work 24 hour shifts at the station with a female partner. Am I still committing adultery???

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Welcome kurtis !!

The most laughable JW teaching in my opinion, is the anointed/spirit-begotten thing. So, the Holy Spirit informs someone that they're adopted by God to be a brother/co-heir/bride of Christ, eh? With no physical proof other than someone's ability to swig the wine and munch the crackers once a year. So while Sister Pioneeredforever got passed up and left "other sheep", Brother Youngdoofus is 'anointed' and appointed to the GB. No miraculous proof of actually being anointed. No other qualifications other than being able to partake without being struck dead.

Since I was 'privileged' to serve closely with some of the GB, it was challenging to look at the old-timers as they started slipping with age and believe they were 'anointed'. When the new boys were appointed to the GB, I'd had a hard time believing they were ever 'anointed' let alone capable of directing anything. I realized the whole thing was doomed. As a Bethelite, I was simply polishing the brass on the Titanic.

B the X

HSS1971

The absolute funniest thing I read in a Watchtower or Awake, I forget which, was that the act of oral sex between a married couple was an imitation of homosexual relations. I remember thinking "How could that be since heterosexuals were here way before homosexuals" Even IF homosexuals did invent the act of oral sex/stimulation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a married couple pleasuring eachother in that way.

I HATED that rule because I could never have really satisfying relations with my wife.

They come up with some funny ones sometimes.

amama2six

Did anyone else look at the whole "eternal life on a Paradise earth" scenario and think...that doesn't really sound like much fun! I mean

yeah, you get to live forever peacefully with a bunch of people and animals. But then there's the things that don't seem to add up quite

right. Say you're married in this life, then you die but your spouse lives on to marry another. The whole Paradise thing happens while

they're both still alive, and your happy azz comes back from the dead to find your mate married to some other person. Death released them

from the marriage, sure, but are you REALLY going to be thrilled with that scenario? Then there's the whole sex and babies issue.

Eventually the earth is going to fill up and there will be no more room for babies, so does that mean no more children...EVER? My kids

certainly drive me nuts from time to time, but I'm quite certain I wouldn't care to live in a society with no little munchkins running

around anymore for all eternity. After the need for children is no more, does that mean sex disappears too? And what if all the good ones

eventually get "taken" marriage-wise and you get stuck with some weirdo for eternity? Or is Jehovah supposed to fix them, not let them in,

or somehow make you completely happy with the fact that you will spend your eternity alone? Someone actually suggested to me one time (I

think it was my father) that Jehovah may make other planets inhabitable when the earth becomes "filled". Ummmm...I thought it was "in

Paradise ON EARTH". Somehow the "eternal sleep" sounds a lot better than all of that crap, but maybe it's just me. :shrug:

r51785

They taught for awhile that having an organ transplant is the same as cannibalism. Which of course is quite logical if you think getting a blood transfusion is the same as eating blood.

M.J.

A good t-shirt slogan:

"The Watchtower Society: none of the inspiration, all of the authority"

witnessgirl

So, the Holy Spirit informs someone that they're adopted by God to be a brother/co-heir/bride of Christ, eh? With no physical proof other than someone's ability to swig the wine and munch the crackers once a year.

I remember how surprised I was when I found out that they don't even bother to run the newly anointed through a series of questions to try to verify their anointment. You just say that you are and you are. If I could go back and do things differently, I would have professed anointment. If I were to ever go back, I would totally claim to be anointed. I've known some very screwy members of the Remnant, including one chick who was known to have had mental problems before becoming a JW who professed anointment less than a year after baptism. I remember wondering what the world would be like with people like her running the show.

Even IF homosexuals did invent the act of oral sex/stimulation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a married couple pleasuring eachother in that way.

I HATED that rule because I could never have really satisfying relations with my wife.

There were couples with physical disabilities who were unable to make love in any other manner who were devastated by that announcement. Very very sad, and absolutely something that the GB had no business prying into. And what could they have possibly expected to achieve by such a screwy and invasive interpretation of Scripture? (I hesitate to use the word "interpretation", since the verses that they used to justify this dealt only with male homosexuality. Maybe "exegesis" would be a better word.)

Did anyone else look at the whole "eternal life on a Paradise earth" scenario and think...that doesn't really sound like much fun!

I used to ask people who I thought should know--elders, COs, etc.--lots of questions about the paradise earth. Like, where the conventions would be held with all the stadiums destroyed and no polluting heavy construction equipment to build more with, would Jesus speak at conventions in the New System™, would the bulldozers shown in the New System™ in the literature run on something other than diesel fuel and if so what, who would run things at Bethel with all the GB in Heaven, how would magazines be distributed in the New System™ because I don't want to miss any issues, would Jesus speak from Heaven at assemblies, et cetera. I never got an answer to any of my questions; just blank stares.

If anyone knows whether Jesus is supposed to speak at conventions and assemblies in the New System™, I still really wanna know.

amama2six

If anyone knows whether Jesus is supposed to speak at conventions and assemblies in the New System™, I still really wanna know.

I don't see why not. The lions and lambs should be there too...licking each other lovingly. I wonder if Jehovah will bring back the dinosaurs? They seem like they would be very lovable creatures! :D Oh wait, no, didn't he just use them to get the earth ready for us? Yeah, that's it. :rolleyes:

Devilsnok

Did anyone else look at the whole "eternal life on a Paradise earth" scenario and think...that doesn't really sound like much fun! I mean

yeah, you get to live forever peacefully with a bunch of people and animals. But then there's the things that don't seem to add up quite

right.

Like those pics of animals playing with colourful balls. Who's going to make all those balls. Somewhere in the new system there must be a ball factory, which means that for someone paradise means working in a factory making balls for lions to pop with their claws. Plastic balls mean that somewhere there's going to be a plastic factory, pumping out toxic fumes and someone has to work there making plastics and of course if you want to make plastic you're going to need crude oil so somewhere in the new system in this paradise on earth someone's going to have to be drilling for oil...

NewYork44M

Here is a few that come to mind. Most have already been discussed:

You need a penis to take the lead in the congregation

Homosexuals are who they are because they are rebelling against god.

The whole connection with birthday parties and getting your head chopped off is very silly.

That the great crowd is a designate group

The set of scriptures used to explain away that the great crowd standing in the courtyard of the temple does not relate to heaven.

Plugging in explainations to Matt 24 to fit their ever changing view of the time of the end

That you need a penis and a timeslip to pass a microphone

Turning in time

Don't get me started the whole thing is Fk'n crazy

What was the most laughable JW teaching??

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