Feeling Vulnerable (page 2)

megs

You're all right, I know... I'm still down in the dumps though I'll get over it... I have a history of being with men who place lots of conditions on me! LOL

megs

Do you think there's any harm in talking to her? She seems like a nice lady, kinda grandmotherly... Can you just be a friend with a JW, or will they always try to convert you?

Hi Megs, I really don't think you should speak to her at all. She may well be a nice lady, but you have to remember that she believes that she HAS to convert you - bring you into the fold - for you to be in the 'new system'. That is her priority. You are not her priority.

As Void said earlier - this is not unconditional love you are dealing with here. Void's comments were harsh - but sadly they were entirely correct. So thanks Void for pinning down the underlying issues at work in this situation.

You cannot just be a friend with a witness. They will always have an agenda which has nothing to do with your actual well-being. Their job is to preach preach preach....even when it just seems like friendly conversation ... they are still trying to find the right angle to attack you from. - whether that is an intellectual attack, an emotional, spiritual or psychological attack. Any time you are in contact with them they are thinking about how they can best get you involved.

I think it's really better for your own sense of peace to cut all contact and ties with these people. As has been suggested before - don't read the emails - just delete. And make sure you fill up your social calander with all sorts of silly escapades and celebrate your freedom.

jamiebowers

Your pioneer friend and your male jw friend want you to join a cult. No friend, male or female is worth that.

AudeSapere

Do you think there's any harm in talking to her? She seems like a nice lady, kinda grandmotherly... Can you just be a friend with a JW, or will they always try to convert you? Mostly they either keep to their own or they aim to convert you. They are strongly counselled to not associate with 'worldly' people. (They consider all non-jw's to be 'worldly'.) A witness who is starting to wake up to the problems in the organization could be in need of a friend and companion. But I don't get the impression that this woman is waking up to the cult aspects. There are always exceptions, though. And she may really be a good friend for you. But you should probably ask yourself why you want her for a friend. Is it mostly because she is a link to your guy friend??? Sorry you are hurting. -Aude.

nameless_one

Hi, megs. There is lots of good advice in this thread. I think, as others have suggested, that you might be wanting to open things up again with this pioneer because she represents a tenuous link to your friend. I hope you won't do that; you know in your heart that this lady has an ulterior agenda, and that it is really counter to your welfare and your best interests. If it feels too harsh or rude to you to just stop reading her emails cold, maybe send her a short message thanking her for her concern but clearly letting her know that contact won't be continuing. THEN stop reading her emails :-)

As for your friend himself, I wonder if you are equating your response or non-response to this pioneer with your fear of cutting off all hopes for the future with your friend. They are not the same thing! JWs pursuing studies tend to have the most success when preying on weakness and despair, and you really don't want to fall back into this mess because of a patch of vulnerability that will pass in time. Please don't compromise your life and your beliefs and your future for the hope of what might or might not happen with your friend down the road -- plunging yourself into the darkness won't turn on a light for him, it will just blacken your world too. If he ever starts to wake up and open his mind to the idea of respecting and accepting you for the good and lovely non-JW person you are, well that will be a beautiful thing and you have certainly left the door open for him to do that. But HE has to do it and see it himself, you can't do it for him. It's OK to hope that he will wake up, just don't sacrifice your own life on the gamble.

Maybe in the next days and weeks you can make a special point of spending fun times with friends, doing things you enjoy, experiencing and noting the millions of big and little things that make a free and happy life worth holding on to. I know it hurts now, and I understand the vulnerability and the despair, but you've come such a long way from where you started and giving that up would be a terrible shame. Hold strong :-)

BabaYaga

Hi, Sweetie.

They are right, JWs are not even ALLOWED to HAVE friends outside of the Organization... the only reason she was associating with you was to convert you. I am terribly sorry to say this, but I was born and raised one, and this I know.

Comfort yourself... I think a nice cup of tea was mentioned!

Write a list of the things you enjoy, and vow to do a couple this weekend.
Then write a list of things that are wonderful about you, or things you are good at, or good qualities you have.
Read both lists any time you're feeling low.

Love to you,
Baba.

megs

New Day, new perspective... I know all of you are right, thanks for the kind words I was having a bad day yesterday and that just seemed like the icing on the cake... In my last correspondence with her, I made clear, logical arguments over whether works were required to be saved. She never responded. Then out of the blue she is asking how I am, with no rebuttal to the points I raised. She is a lovely lady, but you are right, I'm sure there are ulterior motives. Really, I just want to know that my friend is okay, but I don't think sleeping with the enemy is the right means to an end. I do hope he'll someday wake up... To be quite fair to him, in the many years I've known him he never tried to convert me. The only reason I got into this mess was because I expressed interest. It was me and me alone.

whitman

Glad to hear you are feeling better!!

Feeling Vulnerable

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