Thanks for the advice Texman. I was just going to talk to her online for awhile, but then I realized that chatting is about the worst way to get to know someone. You can't tell what vocal inflections he/she is using, so it's really hard to determine personality, body language, etc. I asked her out right away so we'd meet in person. If I've never met the person I'm chatting with, they're nothing but words on a screen to me. I've found that people are nothing like how I perceive them online.
Loneliness
by B_Deserter 36 Replies latest jw friends
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sweetstuff
Dating is a minefield, even more so when you've been socially handicapped by growing up as a dub. I don't think dating sites work really well because people are very seldom honest about themselves, mostly because they don't perceive themselves accurately. I tried dating sites for a while and it wasn't for me. I wouldn't suggest speed dating because it doesn't give you enough time to actually get to know someone at all, you get a first impression and if someone is nervous, they blow it right away, even though further conversation might show they are a good potential match.
So, I do activities I like, do my own thing and here's the problem, most men will not approach a woman and although I am very outgoing, I get shy around a guy I might be interested in, at first. So, my best advice is to swallow the nerves and actually talk to women, and you might be surprized how happy they are to find a guy who has the guts to come up and chat. I know I find it very attractive when a guy will make that effort. (We know its not easy, because we dont' find it easy either!) It doesn't have to be some cheesy come on, just a simple, hi, beautiful day isn't it, is a starter.
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Texman55
Youre so right BD, personality in a letter, an email, a chat room, whatever is NO guide whatsoever to what a person is really like. Theres just no substitute for 1 to 1 contact, so its good that you are taking the chance and meeting in person.
Sweetstuff made a really good suggestion too, about showing simple interest in someone but not going overboard; in fact sometimes its good to raise someone's interest then unfortunately have to go take care of a prior business......if you think you'll likely run into her again. Its more attractive if people think you already have a full life, and arent waiting for someone else to fill it up.
We're well trained in the Borg to come on like gangbusters....I just KNOW you want these mags, and you WILL enjoy reading them (you BETTER) .....but dump that idea......in the real world its often true that less is more.
Myself, I came away with a real perfectionistic attitude about everybody else......nobody could meet my high standards......gee wonder where I got that friggin idea, lol. Dump that too, everybody's got warts and problems, including you and me. There is no perfect woman out there for you.......only the women the universe already contains.
Whups, the TMS overseer says my time is up, I'm running into the next talk......lol......so I'll shut up now and wish ya all the best, man. You'll figure it all out on your own, take the rough patches like a man and keep smiling bro, its real life but its all good, even when you think it sucks.
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SnakesInTheTower
I understand the dilemna.... I am on eharmony but dont have a lot of time for it now. I had it set for a full US search..got a lot of profiles that are likely of gals that signed up during their free trial weekends and never bothered to sign up (pay) for the service. I am talking to a gal I met through eharmony now...but we are 5 hours apart...and there are some things I can already tell are going to be deal breakers about her personality that will clash with my personality...but we will probably remain friends...and maybe she has some hot single friends? its all about networking I think....
One thing eHarmony did do for me.. I went on 4 dates late last year and early this year...2 dates each with 2 different women. It got me into the dating scene for the first time (I cant really count my near engagement to an overseas dub...that is a story for another time when I dont care who knows I am here).... I kinda felt bad for these initial dates...I am socially stunted as far as dating is concerned......... they were my dating guinea pigs. The first gal I was fairly certain after the first date that it was not going anywhere...after the second date..so did she..lol..and never called me back... she was what I call a big fish in a small pond (meaning ..she was a small town girl and a "name" there..but outside of there..she would be lost)
The 2nd gal ..she was a mid level manager of a big corporation...real nice gal....... was upfront with me.....said I was one of 3 men she was going on dates with...she dropped one guy...then called me after the second date and kindly dropped me, saying the last guy and she had more in common..I was cool with that...dont know what happened to her after that...
I am in college now...man....all that eye candy is so damn young .......not that I wouldnt mind a bit of that....but.........for a long term relationship...19 or 20 is a bit young......I dont think I have too much in common with 19 year olds....lol...
I spent a lot of time in the math lab with a friend of mine this last semester......so much so that people thought we were a couple......we are the same age...too bad that a) she is married....b) her mother is a crazy dub..even by dub standards.........c) she herself is a very inactive dub...d) she is a very distant cousin.... if a) and b) werent the case, c) and d) would not be an issue...lol ...but we have lunch together periodically.... ...
I myself hang out a lot at the local bakery/cafe...read the paper/study for class.....chap with whomever is there....lots of good eye candy there too... and more in my age range...
If i had more time..I would get involved in some real volunteer work (habitat for humanity or something)....
Snakes ()
ps..i didnt get a dog..i did get a cat....
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iceguy
Sweetstuff if I ever see you I will certainly come up to you and say hi, beautiful day isn't it...
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sweetstuff
Sweetstuff if I ever see you I will certainly come up to you and say hi, beautiful day isn't it...
I'm still waiting for ONE to do that, lol. But I would sure love it. Actually, I had a funny thing happen to me the other day, I went and picked up a coffee, my kids were with their dad, and I noticed that close to home, there was a baseball game going on, I used to play a bit of baseball as a kid, so I thought I would stop and watch for a while, whilst having my coffee.
When I realized it was a bunch of very cute men playing, umm, I stayed a bit longer. So long in fact, my coffee was long gone and I was listening to tunes in the car, with my car shut off. Several guys were in a car, next spot over, I noticed they kept looking over, but didn't think much of it.
So...I went to start my car and noticed holy crap, my battery was DEAD. I was thinking, ok, I have jumper cables, what do to..so I went over to the next car and asked the driver for a boost, extremely mortified that I had sat and drooled long enough to flatten my battery. So we are chatting while he's giving me the boost, and I'm as red as a beet. He looks at me and says....I gotta admit, I'm surprized, you are really nice and funny, my buddies and I were looking at you before and thought, nah, she's one of those high mait. chicks. Well, what do you say to that? Thanks, and I thought you were all darwin's missing links, ha ha.
Next time I go out, I'm wearing overalls, no make up and not bathing for two days, perhaps, someone will talk to me then.
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Texman55
LOL you go, sweetstuff! give them ol' boys what for......