I will never forgive myself for what I did to this man
Don't beat yourself up over this. I don't blame the man who was most influential in getting me to baptism (you could say he brough me into "the truth") even though he's a complete asshole. Day after day he worked on getting me to buy into a picture of JWs that simply didn't exist. I got baptized at 16 years of age. He then cheated on his wife and was disfellowshipped one month after I was baptized. He was probably cheating on her during the time he was indoctrinating me. I was the first person he spoke to after his judicial committee. And he was an elder at the time. The last time I saw him about a year ago. He's reinstated now but has never climbed back up the ranks. He was in full elder mode, though, despite the fact that he's pretty much inactive himself, and began interrogating me about my personal life. Even though I was only 16 at the time I made the decision, I only have myself to blame.