Hi... My name is Chrissy & I have been away from the "truth" for 8 years now. I married a "brother" when I was 20. I was humiliated by the "elders" in the backroom for oral sex & publicly humiliated but never disfellowshipped. My husband & I left the truth together after moving away from the area where we lived when we were witnesses. All the friends we had were lost & we have always had a hard time making new friends because I think normal people think there is something weird about us. I think it's because we were raised with good values from being witnesses but maybe we are too good for the general normal population? Sounds weird, I know. I had social anxiety for a while after leaving the J-dubs because I was not used to dealing w/ the general public & my husband was/is still shy & kinda like a hermit. Well, we both are. I need to know how to make friends because after 8 years I have no close friends & my hubby is really the only friend I have but I need friends that are women. Gawd it's just really hard because I have no family or friends anymore... ! Give me some advice please...
How to find new friends?
by socialdistortion 19 Replies latest jw friends
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FreudianSlip
I'm not sure that a person can be taught how to make friends. That being said, this comment was.. bothersome:
I think it's because we were raised with good values from being witnesses but maybe we are too good for the general normal population?
Contrary to what JWs want you to believe.. most people try to instill good values in their children. Thinking you were "maybe [...] too good" will not aid in friendship making.
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Metamorphosis
You have to just put yourself out there to be honest. I recently moved to Jacksonville - a city in which i pretty much knew absolutely no one. I have made a bunch of new friends simply by introducing myself and asking about them, where they work ,what they do, where they go etc... I find people outside of JW"s are much more open to embracing people w/ differences then JW's. Maybe you are still caught up in the idea everyone has to think like you do? That is one of the first things I let go - even if i don't agree w/ someone i feel i can still try to see things from their eyes and then embrace them for the individual they are.
welcome to JWD and may you find the friends you need - just remember, not everyone has to thing exactly as you do and you'll do fine. best wishes on your journey.
Jeremiah
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Hortensia
take some classes. Volunteer for something interesting, maybe lead hikes at a local park, work in the gift shop, something like that. I met a lot of people when I took a vocational course.
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iamthewolf5562
I'll be your friend!!!!!
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garybuss
Run an ad in the paper advertising $100 cash to the first 10 callers. It won't get you any friends but you'll be so busy you won't miss not having any.
Seriously, (if that's possible) I know people who are not real outgoing and they joined a service organization that meets every week like the Lyons. They sponsor projects like parks and education centers and the volunteer work and the weekly meetings put the members in an active social setting that actually helps other people as a benefit.
It's good for the social life and it's great for self confidence and self esteem too. There's something about looking at a park I helped build.
My .02 -
shamus100
Join a club, be outgoing... the dubs wanted you to have a paranoid personality when it came to 'worldly people' (tm). WRONG. Think the best of people, have a positive attitude, and you will be suprised how nice people really are.
Remember too, nobody is responsible for your happiness but you. It took me a long time to realize that, and once I did, my social life improved dramatically. If you can't be happy, seek out professional help to figure out why. Do what you have to do to make your life fun. It's no fun being lonely.
Take care.
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Awakened at Gilead
look for something that interests you... soon you will have friends coming out of your ears... worked for me.
In 4 months my socila life went from nil to 'can't keep up' with all my new friends.
And get off the internet
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redredrose
I feel what you're saying, and find myself in the same dilemma. My massage therapist and I have hit it off and she's gone out to dinner with me and my husband and I am planning on taking a sculpting class with her in the fall. Am also considering taking dance classes with my husband, that may be a way to make new friends. I'm also interested in cooking classes.
Maybe the answer is to get involved with things you are interested in and you may find friends that way.
I am not an expert, these are just ideas. -
IMHO
It's no good telling people to "be outgoing" or "be positive" that's like telling someone to "be rich". That's like the "organization" telling you that if you think that the congregation lacks love it's because you're not showing any. Fair enough those abilities will certainly help you to make friends, but sometimes you need others to make the initial effort. For example, if you're hanging from a cliff it's no good someone saying "pull yourself up" if you're not strong enough to do so, you need someone to pull you up. The ability to "be outgoing" may be beyond someone due to their emotional, mental or even physical health.