I understand I jump around too much in my comments. My ADD gets worse when I get nervous. Plus I know there are topics that could be more academic. Or funny.
I just wanted to say that some days I feel like a wicked person, I feel like I hurt sisters emotionally because I tried a few things and I let them try things with me, sort of. I feel responsible and bad and deserving of punishment by the elders and the Holy Spirit.
And then other days I feel like I missed out on having fun. One sister that I dated two years ago and we sort of messed around a little, she smiles and winks at me at the assemblies, she still calls me sometimes and laughs about it. Another sister once told me she has never tried anything because she is ugly and the brothers go for the pretty girls. She used to come to the gym where I work and we would "hang out" She also says it was worth it. But I have never gone all the way, or let anyone really do anything to me. So sometimes I feel like, hey, I missed out on trying stuff that I could have done and I am actually glad I did a few things.
This being raised a JW, and trying so hard to do what's right but making mistakes, it really messes with your mind. You that send messages saying, "Just tell the elders to #**@&*% it" and "Just write a letter of DA", respectfully I will say to you that when your whole life and family and friends and beliefs and everything has to do with being a Witness, its almost like speaking against God himself. I still pray before every meal, when I wake up, before I sleep, and throughout the day.
I feel like a sinner, then I feel like I am a fun guy, then I feel like a loser, then I feel like a good Witness, then I feel like a bad Witness, then after a good workout I feel like chasing girls, then I feel bad again.
