I do understand that it is all bullcrap. Unfortuantely, I have no knowledge of how my life might have been different since I was born-in.
I have fantasies though. Holidays, birthdays, summer camp, normal friends, academic encouragement, getting to go out on dates, not having to spend a large percentage of my formative years sitting in the KH being miserable and not having Saturdays (FS) to myself unless I was puking my guts up.
I also think of how nice it would have been to not have to hear horror stories of Armageddon, constantly told that no matter what I did, it would never be enough, and having to live with the knowledge that there was no such thing as "unconditional love" in the WT world.
It would have been great to have my family and those around me to be happy and encouraging when I decided to go to college. Instead I was told it was a waste of time and that it would only make me materialistic, make god unhappy, and would probably get me into things like drugs and an immoral lifestyle.
Today I fantasise about my family waking up. Instead, I watch them entrench further and further into it.